Post # 1
I get the feeling that my mom is very jealous of the relationship I have and am establishing with my Future Mother-In-Law and the rest of my FI’s family. I am an only child and have a relatively small extended family (basically just two first cousins and an aunt and uncle). We have never really been hugely into family functions. Don’t get me wrong, we love each other and attend the big events like weddings and holidays, but we don’t see each other often. My FI’s family, on the other hand, is very family oriented and huge. Everyone travels for birthdays, showers, graduations, etc. from all over the place to be with each other. I love this about my FI’s family, and am happy that our children will grow up with that type of family environment. Also, Fiance and I only live about 2 hours from his fam, whereas we live half-way across the country from my family. I feel like every time I tell my mom we are going to his family’s house, she takes it personally and gets jealous. And when I talk about where we are spending holidays, she gets upset about the fact that she has to share me. It’s so uncomfortable. I really love my family and wouldn’t change anything about the way I grew up, but I wish she would understand how important his family is to me, too…because it’s also my new family. Is anyone else experiencing this? How do you handle it?
Post # 3
My mom hasn’t been overly jealous but it has been somewhat hard for her to adjust to me spending holidays with another family. I’m the youngest and my sister has been married for almsot two years. I remember the first Christmas my sister was away from home because they traveled to see his grandparents in another state. My mom was emotional and upset and started crying, I don’t think it was jealousy, I think it was just the fact that we are growing up and she’s had us both at home for so long it was hard to get used to. I’d say try to be understanding of your mom’s feelings. She’ll come around. I would recommend not calling her everytime you’re about to do something with FI’s family for now. I’m not saying to lie or hide it from her but you don’t need to tell her every time you’re headed there for dinner. It will only make her sad that she doesn’t get to share that with you. I would also make it a point to call her just to chat, send her some e-mails, include her in the wedding planning, etc. Make sure she knows SHE is still your mom and no one can ever take her place.
Post # 4
I have a similar issue my mom. i think my mom is jealous of my relationship with my fiance though. My mom is in a marriage with my step dad of almost 20 years and they dont have a super loving relationship and she sees that my fiance and I do and i think she is jealous of that.
We bought the house next door to my mom (i know, i know, what was i thinking) and so i get to see her more now but before that she was mad that i wouldnt visit as often and it was hard for her to understand that i had someone else to see as well but she was so used to me visiting her cause i was single.
I dont experience the holiday stuff since she is used to us going with my dad
Mom and I go shopping for wedding stuff and I will call my fiance to get his opinion and my mom will make a comment like “who care about his thoughts” or make a face and I finally had to say mom, im marrying him not you!!!
I had to just put my foot down.
Post # 5
I didn’t realize it was an issue but I experienced some of that when I traveled home for a wedding planning weekend. I am getting married in my FI’s hometown about 3 hours from the rents and we all stayed at my MILs house for planning and to attend a wedding fair. My mom was quiet all weekend and wouldn’t really even participate in wedding planning! I think she just wanted it to be us but the wedding isn’t in her town and my sister in law has been very helpful giving me ideas for vendors, reception, and everything! I asked my mom to go to a one on one lunch cuz I could sense the tension and she wouldn’t speak to me….I’m wondering what to do also 🙂
I’m using silent treatment until it blows over but I don’t recommend it. Try to plan a special trip to include your mom in the wedding more. Ask for her advice and give her the updates. I haven’t done a very good job of that so far so I’m gonna try harder!
Post # 6
My parents haven’t reacted this way, but FH’s entire family is doing this jealousy thing. His grandmother called me selfish because he didn’t go home for Thanksgiving… after they all said they refused to come to our wedding because we weren’t inviting the FORTY-SEVEN children under the age of 12… But it’s all my fault of course. And they spend EVERY holiday together. Everything is a “big family event”. So we are expected to be around for Christmas Eve, Christmas morning, New Years’ Eve, Easter, Mother’s and Father’s Day, Fourth of July, all birthdays (and this is a HUGE family… there’s probably a birthday at LEAST once a month), Halloween, AND Thanksgiving. My parents are willing to give up either Mother’s/Father’s Day (probably Mother’s Day ’cause I can’t stand Future Father-In-Law and I’d rather celebrate Future Mother-In-Law lol), give up Easter entirely, if they can have a different holiday, and share all the other ones. His family is bat-shit insane, I’m telling you. Lol.
Oh well, I’m sure it’ll be right back to the “she’s so selfish and controlling” once they find out we’re enlisting lol. Because then we might not be around for ANY holidays… Whoops.