(Closed) Jealous of my boyfriends brother and his girlfriend getting married .

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It is always hard when you are waiting to get engaged.  The best advice I have is to look at Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan to Getting Engaged.  It is so true.  I think that you need to hide this girl on your facebook so you stop comparing yourself to her and try to get involved in a hobby or sport so that you can be out of the house and having fun, instead of dwelling on her being engaged and you aren’t yet.  Good luck and feel better!

Post # 5
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I literally have the EXACT same situation and just posted about it a few days ago..I don’t know if it would help but maybe reading my rant would help you feel like you’re not the only one! The title of the post is “Jealous of bf’s younger brother getting engaged ‘first'”..feel better! I know for me the jealousy definitely goes in waves, so try to do something that makes you happy when you’ve seen yet ANOTHER “amazing” facebook status!

Post # 6
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I had a similiar situation about 2 years ago with my boyfriend. We’d been together 2 years at that point (same time as his brother and gf) and then his brother got engaged and married to his gf. I was so upset and felt like I wasnt good enough etc… well… they are now divorced. I was jealous when they got married because I thought they had the perfect relationship and wish that bf and I were the same way. Well, bf and I are still together and his brother is divorced. Turns out their relationship wasnt as perfect as they made it seem. I’m just saying that every relationship is different and you really cant compare yours to anyone elses. As for me and my bf…. my ring is being made right now. 🙂 I’m glad we waited 4 years and made sure that our relationship was strong before jumping in.

Post # 8
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@chesseplease: Aww I’m glad that my story made you feel better – even if they didnt have the best ending. I was genuinely sad when they broke up – I never like to see any marriage end in divorce.

To answer your question, they lived in a different city so I didnt really see her that much. I did feel like the extended family treated her differently (better?) than me sometimes though… although that might have been in my head.

Your situation is not awesome because it sounds like you are around them a lot. I’d say just be really honest with your bf about how you feel (just be sure to phrase it nicely!) so that he can be extra sensitive of situations when you all are together. Just remember that every relationship is different and just because they are engaged and you arent doesnt make their relationship better – just different.

Good luck – just realizing that you are having these jealous feelings and trying to deal with them is very mature and shows that you are a good and thoughtful person. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@chesseplease: Hey!

So I think we get along? I’m under the impression that we’re on good terms, but it’s always been kinda awkward? Like you mentioned in your post before, I get that gross feeling that because she’s “part of the family” now, she may have this superiority complex :/ ….but maybe that’s just all in my head? It’s just stupid because my bf’s family marries young and is southern baptist, so unless you’re engaged..you can’t even go to their family reunions..because you’re NOT family! Even if you’re close to being family! I feel like “girlfriend” sounds less important than “fiancee” to them..even though we’re so much older and mature than they are. I’ve find myself even making snarky comments to him when he talks about the last reunion he went to, saying things like “well have fun BY YOURSELF!” haha..I know it sounds really immature, but it just gets to me so bad! (Not that I particularly ever WANTED to go to his family reunion, I kinda hate all family reunions..but just knowing that she’s going to be going to the next one..and I’ll be sitting at home alone because I’m not “allowed”..makes me so angry! Ahhhh..lol..This is so rediculous!

Post # 11
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I get that gross feeling that because she’s “part of the family” now

Yeah – I’m feeling that way, too, right now.  BF’s little brother got engaged end of October, which to my mind makes the fiancee have more, I dunno, “status” than me, the older,  longer-term Girlfriend.  I know a lot of it IS in my head, but I also know that people, maybe not their family persay, will treat her a lot better than me now there’s a ring on her hand.  I’m trying really hard to hve faith that I’m not waiting in vain, that one day he’ll “grow up”, but it’s hard sometimes, and now I feel even more left out of the family as we’re the last couple not enaged/married… and it’s bugged me for years now that I don’t “really” belong – like in a death or hospital ICU visit, I’m not family so I’d have to wait outside – and the fact that in my state I’m still tied by law to the family that disowned me, meanwhile the brother’s fiancee is now 1 step closer to not having these problems.  Sigh.

Post # 12
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am turning green because I am so jealous. SO’s sister got engaged in June. They have been together for less than 2 years while we have been together for almost 6 years. Every single time she talks about her wedding when I am around it really upsets me, I seriously feel like she is just trying to rub it in my face that she is getting married. I have noticed that I have been getting more and more bitter towards her, she will invite us to do something with them and I find myself dreading it because I know that I am going to get upset.

I am also bitter towards her because SO flat out said that we will have to wait to get engaged because of her, and even if we get engaged tomorrow we will still have to wait until 2012 to get married so she can have “her time.”

I also feel that SO’s family does not take our relationship seriously. SO’s mother tried to set him up with a different girl when we were dating for about a year and a half. I feel like they see me as “The little girl playing house with their son/ grandson/ nephew/ cousin etc.”

Luckily I have been able to keep these feelings to myself, SO does not know that I feel this way about his sister. The only people who know are my best friends, my mom and now you guys.

Post # 13
Member
1543 posts
Bumble bee

Ugh, what is up with this ‘trend’ of our SO’s YOUNGER brothers getting engaged/married before us and our SOs?!?!?!?!?! It’s verrrrrry frustrating. I’m in the same boat, with them being together a shorter amount of time than us as well. Buuuut, SO’s bro IS in the military, (stateside, not overseas, thank God) so I guess that makes his outlook on life and love a little bit different. Bro’s Fiance and I actually get along ridiculously great, though, have tons in common etc etc, so I can’t relate to any of the other gals’ ‘less than stellar’ experience with their SO’s bro’s Fiance.follow that? lol) Though I can relate to not feeling like an ‘official’ member of the family. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not treated any different or anything, but I still feel like an outsider looking in.  Le sigh.

Post # 14
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I know exactly what you feel, I was having the same feeling towards my FH’s best friend and his girl, I’ve been with him for 5 years, we got engaged last december kept it a secret and boom, his bestfriend got his girl pregnant in May, had to get married by July, they’ve only been together for 2 years. When I heard the news, i was devastated, happy for them, confused, all in the same, I hated feeling that way, but I just had to learn to get over it and know that my day is coming. Everyone started looking at me differently for some reason because they don’t hear no wedding plans, some even said “I would’ve left already”, blah blah blah. I just need to be more patient.

I hope everything works out for you, I’m sure your bf will pop the question soon.

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