(Closed) Jealous of others engaged…but I know I can wait, HELP!

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@Michelle929: First off…welcome to the hive. πŸ™‚  Lots of great advice here.  Plus a great place to vent.  Well to me it sounds like you have a very good head on your shoulders. πŸ™‚  Not wanting to “jump” the gun to quick and knowing your priorities aren’t where you want them to be yet for a proposal.  As far as your jealousy goes.  I think what you are experiencing is completely normal.  I know my best friend was talking marriage plans, engagement, rings etc before I even really thought about it.  I know I experienced a lot of the same emotions of jealousy and what not.  I’m not sure if it was the whole thought or if it was a radar thinking this marriage is a mistake before it even happens.  Their relaionship is really odd and she doesn’t trust him.  So back to you.  I think it’s completely normal to feel this way.  Hang in there. πŸ™‚ 

Post # 4
273 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s because you are envious of other people moving forward in their lives and that you are not in the position to be doing so and don’t feel that you will be anytime soon?

Post # 5
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Michelle929: Welcome to the hive!  I, too, am “waiting.”  For me, I feel like jealousy  comes from the desire to not feel like I am being left behind.  Also, engagements and weddings are wonderful events in life.  It’s something that joins families together and points towards generations continuing on.  It’s natural to want all that positive energy being directed your way.  All the positive attention and questions and excitement from family and friends…who wouldn’t want that?  That’s why I feel jealous when I see a friend get married.  It can be hard to keep a smile on my face.  Do your best to take a deep breath, congratulate the people you know who are taking this momentous step, and then keep looking forward to the good things in your own life.  It sounds super cheesy, but it’s the best way to stay grounded.  And when you loose your footing?  Yeah, come to WB and post and rant…we’re all here to listen πŸ™‚

Post # 6
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@smiles731: I agree that this is probably what is going on. Sometimes I’m jealous of friends who are pregnant or have newborns, despite the fact that I want to be older and finish my degree before I start TTC – I think it’s a natural reaction when you’re anxious to arrive at a certain time/place in your life but aren’t there yet. Basically you just have to try to live more in the moment and enjoy your life for where it is at right now.

Post # 7
659 posts
Busy bee

I can relate and I agree with PP’s responses.

Post # 8
24 posts

I feel the exact same way you do. Been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now. And I’m the ONLY girlfriend left. Out of his group of friends, out of his family members… I’m the only one. And I am happy for those who are getting engaged and married, but at the same time, I’m starting to feel excluded. I’m starting to feel like an intruder in his family. I know it might sound irrational, or crazy, but that’s just how I feel. His brother is proposing to his girlfriend very soon, and now whenever I’m with all the women in his family and visiting, it’s all marriage, and engagement, and family talk. And everyone just IS this family, meanwhile I’m feeling like maybe these people will never be my family. Now i’m just rambling. I don’t know. Every single one of the girls in his circle of friends is engaged or already married. They are all going about their wedding planning, talking about dresses, and reception halls, and this isn’t a small group. It’s about 5 girls just all moving on in life, and making this step, and having this commitment, and I feel so excluded about it. It’s not like I’m in my early twenties. I’m only 2 years and some odd months from being 30 years old. I wish I didnt sound so irrational or selfish. I just wish I was getting a committment that everyone else seems to be getting, and I wonder why, or wonder if I’m just not good enough. πŸ™

Post # 9
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Michelle929: I used to feel this way too about a friend moving together with his Girlfriend. He got her pregnant and she moved to his parents’ house when she got the baby (obviously not the ideal situation), but I was still jealous of them being able to be together after less than a year of relationship when I still have a way to go with my 7+years boyfriend. Do I want to be in their shoes? heck no.

I think the thing here is that you kind of whish you were in that position in life, you want that someday and that part of you feels jealous, you don’t want it now of course but the jealous part of you is not accurate as for timing.

Just keep in mind you’ll have it all when the time comes and it’ll be perfect then.

Post # 10
2 posts

You are very realistic, which is a really good thing. I think it’s good to recognize where you are in life and what your priorities are. Obviously if you are in college, spending a lot of money to be there and working very hard, your #1 focus should be your education for securing your career/future. Yes, you can meet someone great during that time, and some people do get married, perhaps some people come from families where they have money socked away for marriage or whatever, but the fact of the matter is that most people do not have $10-$20K lying around for their wedding during college (which By The Way, the price range I quoted is around national average) and yeah you might say “well I don’t need an expensive fancy wedding” which is fine, but would you rather have a stressful wedding that you hardly have time to plan/pay for (because let’s face it you’re going to have to be more creative and put in more work yourself/help from family as you try to save more money) with the man of your dreams within the next year, or have a comfortable wedding that you can afford with the SAME man of your dreams a few years from now?? I think most people would select the later, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I know you’re talking about getting engaged (vs wedding) above, but even a ring is a financial commitment and I think most men know that once they’re engaged it implies that there will be a wedding in the future, which again costs money. Just hang in there girl! I’m a bit older than you are, been in a relationship for about the same length of time, and not engaged yet. Yes I do go thru those same desires of wanting to be engaged, but I also am still in school and though my Boyfriend or Best Friend does work, he is planning on a job switch in the next year. I think the number one reason why people wait is stability. And you are smart because you realize that things could be more stable.

Post # 11
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Have you guys talked about getting pre engagment rings? (promise rings) I know how you feel I am 21 years old and my bf and i have been together over 3 years. I was havning this issue A LOT. I feel better abiout it now sense my bf just got me a “pre engament” ring for valentines day. He has given me a ring in the past but this one looks a lot more serious. I think you are on the right track with thinking now isn’t the best time to get engaged but I have to admit it’s weird that you want to get engaged but if he did want to now you wouldnt think its a good idea. And theres no problem in that at all!! πŸ™‚ your a smart girl and you know whats best for you and what you deserve. Unlike me I have a HUGE desire to get married now! haha and I want to be engaged now as well. Maybe a pre engagment ring would take those jealous feelings away cause you know its not an engament but its a symbol of commitment and the future.

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