(Closed) Jealous of Stay at Home Moms

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

bzbride2277:  I don’t think anyone will roast you for having those thoughts.  My mom friends are pretty evenly split between working moms and SAH moms, and what you have to remember is that each group isn’t a monolithic being that is all the same.  What I mean is that some of my Stay-At-Home Mom friends are super happy to be doing what they do, and others are home not by choice and are a little envious of some of the working moms.

 

I also have a couple of friends who are SAH and have nannies or their (only) children are in preschool 2-3 days a week.  I am certainly envious of their time, if nothing else.

You won’t know how you feel about working vs SAH until you actually have a kiddo.  I have LOTS of friends who are way more happy working than they would be at home, and vice versa.  For me–I’m pretty evenly split, I feel like I’d be pretty happy either way, and since I work in education, I do get 3 months a year where I get to SAH so I get a little of both worlds.

My husband and I don’t outsource anything–we do our own cleaning and cooking and we have to pack food/snacks/drinks for LOs daycare.  BUT—a lot of people in dual income families outsource either the cleaning, or yardwork, or laundry, or cooking–or something!  Maybe you two could do that when you have kids, to lessen your load?

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  BookGirrl.
Post # 3
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can identify with your feelings somewhat….when my Darling Husband and I first started dating I told him I didn’t want to have kids if I had to work full time. I am currently 31 weeks pregnant and planning on going back to work part time when the baby is about 6 months. I could stay home for longer but it would drain our savings account because Darling Husband makes just under what our monthly bills total and I don’t want to do that. So I’m compromising and going to work part time. But I am jealous of those who do not have to make that decision or chose to work because they want to, not because they have to. Its easy to become jealous of what others have…I try to focus on all the positives in our life to keep those pesky thoughts at bay!

Post # 4
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

 

bzbride2277:  I feel the same way. Baby will be due in Jan and were already talking about what were going to do. FOr us, staying home and raising my kid seems like the better idea. But we dont know if we are going to be able to do this. My Mother-In-Law and SIL both stayed/stay home with their kids/kid.

Really it depends where we are come this winter. Hopefully we will be able to fulfill this wish but we dont know yet.

So yes, I know how you feel.

Post # 7
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would give anything to be a Stay-At-Home Mom.  My husband and I make pretty equal salaries and we can’t afford to lose half of our income, so I’ll be going back to work after 12 weeks 🙁  Luckily my company is pretty understanding and flexible which makes it a bit easier.  Just letting you know you are definitely not alone in feeling that way!

Post # 8
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I feel you.  I’m back at work now, but I’m trying to convince my husband that we don’t need my income to survive for a couple years.  I think I will at least go down to half-time for the year that my employer (very generously) allows.  

Post # 9
Member
2554 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I hear ya! I would just love to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. We probably could swing it but it would definitely make things tight. I think another poster was saying that you won’t know how you feel exactly till you actually have kids, but at the same time, it’s hard to know if you want to be back at work after until you do it. A friend of mine was wrestling about whether to go back or not, but decided to go back and give it a try. It’s not as if she has to. I don’t love my job but I am surprisingly ok with being back. My daughter has a blast at her day care, and she is well taken care of and loved by the staff and we couldn’t be happier. She gets to have fun with toys and kids, play in a great space inside and out and we get to make more money to provide her with everything she needs. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
9811 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sometimes I’m jealous, sometimes I’m not!  Sometimes I’d love to just take my Dear Daughter to the zoo or hang out with her all day.  Other days I am so happy I get to come to work and drink hot coffee and have a relaxing lunch.  I will tell you one thing- my Dear Daughter is way more work than my real work.  It’s just much more exhausting running after a whiny, clingy toddler all day.  It grates on your nerves after awhile and you are dying for naptime.  But I miss her while I’m gone.  haha. 

Post # 11
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee

 

I can empathize.

For us, as contract workers, our income potential really didn’t come into play; it’s all about overall quality of life. We found that he’s not as good of a house husband as I am as a house wife. Case closed. Ideally, I can remain a hybrid part-time worker/SAH that both interests me and still saves him from dishpan hands. Win, win.

😉

 

Post # 12
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I can totally relate to this! I also make more than my husband but wish I could stay at home comfortably like many other women. I don’t want kids otherwise. And yeah, he could stay at home instead, but the fact that he doesn’t remember to feed our dog everyday and can’t cook at all worries me. I’d feel like he would maybe play video games and watch TV instead of taking care of home… haha :S

Post # 13
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee

I guess you have to decide what is more important to you – raising your children or being successful in a job you don’t really care for. If I were in your position I would downsize on the house/mortgage, pay off bills and loans as much as you can, and then become a sahm. Just my opinion. You can then start working part time once the baby is older and maybe have a relative or friend watch the baby a few hours. I feel like there’s always a solution to a problem! If you want to be sahm you will figure out a way!

Post # 14
Member
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am a Stay-At-Home Mom and my best friend is a worKing mom and she has expressed to me the same thoughts that you are having. Her husband is a wonderful man and an elementary teacher- so both of them have to work. Your feelings are completely reasonable!

Post # 15
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I understand too.. your feelings are totally legit. I’m lucky enough that my husband earns enough for me to become a Stay-At-Home Mom for the first 3 years of our future child’s life (I’m currently 19wks pregnant and still at work for now..). We will miss the money for sure but will be able to cover our mortage and general life costs out of my husband’s salary, but we will have to cut back on luxuries and I’ll be hitting the second hand shops for clothes. If we find we cant manage I will go back to work sooner. Is there no way you can save up and work out a way to stay at home part of the time? Could you work 3 days a week for example?

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