(Closed) Jealous of Stay at Home Moms

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 18
555 posts
Busy bee

I just want to throw a different perspective into this. I am neither pregnant not trying yet, but I know that once I will have a child I will probably stay at home with it. Yes, my husband makes a lot more money than I do-but that is not the reason. The reason I would stay home is that it is almost not worth it to send a child to a daycare, compared to the salary I make! We have no other options than daycare (no family close by etc). I have a bachelors degree and would still earn almost just as much as the daycare goes for here in my area and I don’t think it is worthy to spend 1500$ a month on daycare if I could stay at home with my baby and “lose” almost the same amount of money!

I am your opposite I actually WISH I would make more than the damn day care cost, so that there would be a legitimate reason to go back to work. I I know this situation might change if I get a better paying job…but just remember it is always greener on the other side;)

Post # 19
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

First part of being a mom – stop feeling guilty for your feelings! πŸ™‚ LOTS of women have these feelings, as you can see here. No one feels like they can talk honestly about them, but I think we’d all be better off if we did!

If you truly want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, it is possible – one way or another. Downsizing, etc.

I think more substantial maternal leave would solve a lot of the desires I and I’m sure many woman have… I want to maintain my career and “work self”, but want to dedicate the first year or so to caring for my [future] infant. Unfortunately, very few workplaces offer such a thing. Sigh.

In the mean time, rest assured that you are doing what is best for you and your family. Not being a Stay-At-Home Mom doesn’t make you less of a mother. There are perks to being a working mom, too!

Post # 20
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I feel ya! I make more money than my Darling Husband so I could never stay home, but I always wish I could! I would love to be a full-time mom/housewife at home instead of in an office.  There’s no money in the world that can replace being at home with your kids.  Maybe in my next life πŸ™‚

Post # 21
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

kes18:  couldn’t have put it better myself. I miss Dear Daughter while I’m at work but when we’re sitting at home just the two of us and she’s having a meltdown because of whatever xyz non-sense reason I could just have a tantrum right along side her. 

OP your feelings are totally valid and I can def relate but don’t be fooled, there are advantages to having that “forced adult interaction” 

Post # 23
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Do you have the kind of job that you can cut down to part time hours or leave for a couple of years and come back to it when your kids are past the baby stage? I have always worked. When my kids were small, I wished to could stay home with them. It was not meant to be for me. I am still a good mom. I have a job that allows for telecommuting some days and lots of vacation time (6 weeks a year). Ultimately, being able to provide affordable healthcare and save for retirement as well as be able to do things like take family vacations and have kid activities out-weighed being able to stay home full time.

Post # 25
849 posts
Busy bee

Don’t feel bad for wishing you could stay home, you have valid points. You have to stop feeling guilty or beating yourself up- whatever you chose for your family is right for your family- end of story.

I will say that I have always been a working mom and I could never be a Stay-At-Home Mom, on the flip side I have Stay-At-Home Mom friends who wish they could go back to work.  I think staying home has to be harder than working! I give SAHM’s so much credit!!

 I need the adult interaction. I love my daughter, but I would go crazy if I were with her everyminute of everyday. I have a lot of flexibility in my job- so I ususally take Friday’s off and we have our “girl time” which is great, I love that time, but everyday no thank you.

I also work so we can do and have more in life. We travel a lot, drive nice cars, have good retirement accounts, affordable health insurnace (DH insures himself), my daughter attends private school and takes a bunch of classes (tennis, gymnastics, piano, soccer). All that was just more important to us than me staying home.



Post # 26
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

bzbride2277:  I would too, if I wasn’t there to make sure that that was done every single day! πŸ˜‰ hehehe So he didn’t actually spend a day with an empty food bowl… at least not yet!

Post # 27
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Hand on my heart….I WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK! I feel less interesting, less productive and more insecure as a Stay-At-Home Wife. I applaud women who stay at home but i have a professional degree and i want to use it. Im trying to volunteer with an underserved population to get my career back on track because once you get off the merry-go-round its very difficult to get back on…

if your a stay at home mom and you love it i support that totally but for me, where is my bag…lol

Post # 28
1167 posts
Bumble bee

Jealousy is perfectly normal.  I am a working mother, and I actually choose to be and I love my career.  I can’t really say I’ve ever been jealous of Stay-At-Home Mom so I can’t relate.  But jealousy is a universal emotion so I’ve felt that!  πŸ™‚ 

Good thing is, if there’s will there’s usually a way.  I guess first line of business is to get your Fiance in sync with what you want, ALSO how you guys could get there.  Don’t just tell him you want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, you have to also give suggestion on a solid plan to get you there. 

(1)  Get a paying job and work your butt off until you can pay all the loans.  Note:  Do not accumulate more debt while working, just pay pay pay until you are essentially or almost debt free.  This will free up money so you could Stay-At-Home Mom. (DECREASE INTEREST EXPENSE AND GET RID OF LT AND ST DEBT)

(2)  Decrease your fixed expense.  The biggest savings you can get is honestly to reduce your fixed expense.  Fixed expense are monthly living expense that takes a lot of your money.  Get MINT app and monitor what you guys spend the chunks of your money on.

       (a)  Go closer to your FI’s workplace and rent a smaller and cheaper apartment less than 23 miles.  Why?  Insurance data analytics will calculate the probability of you getting in an accident and the proximity of where you drive the most.  Moving closer to work will SAVE GAS, REDUCE DRIVING TIME, REDUCE INSURANCE EXPENSE, and SAVE MONEY ON RENT. 

That should significantly take a chunk out of your expenses without your Fiance ever getting a raise or getting a higher paying job.  πŸ™‚  good luck OP!

Post # 29
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Like others have said, you really won’t know until you have kids. I love my son more than life itself, but I also am the type of person that needs to have my day job to keep my brain functioning and sane. I couldn’t be a Stay-At-Home Mom due to our finances anyway but the three months of maternity leave I took were enough for me to know that I personally couldn’t do it full time and give full time SAHMs a ton of credit!! 

Post # 30
6445 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Like others have said, it is hard to tell whether you would love being a Stay-At-Home Mom until you are there. Many people find that they need to be away at least part-time in order to feel like themselves; others love being in the home.

Darling Husband and I agreed that I would be a Stay-At-Home Mom before we were even married. Before we TTC, we started putting my salary while I was working into savings to “practice” living on one income (and at the time, my income was higher than his). In so doing, we built up a sizeable nest egg to cover unexpected expenses. Additionally (and I know this isn’t popular with anyone now), when I was first home, we did not have home internet, no cable or satellite television, I did not have a cell phone, and we were very frugal. The only thing we spent much money on was travel/vacations because those were non-negotiable for our family. Most people don’t want to live that way, so it may depend on what you are willing to give up.

DH’s salary rose considerably over the years I was home, so within a decade we had all of those things, plus new cars and had renovated our kitchen. Now that all of my children are in school, I work in the school system part time. Because Darling Husband travels for work, I still have to have the same hours/vacations as my children. But in the end it worked out far better than either of us could have guessed. Best of luck to you.

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