(Closed) Jealous of Stay at Home Moms

posted 4 years ago in Parenting
Post # 31
Member
6877 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

bzbride2277:  I am the complete opposite. I do not care to be a Stay-At-Home Mom.  I love my son to the moon and back but quite honestly you couldn’t pay me enough to be staying at home.  I like being able to earn my own money and need the adult time.  

Post # 32
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

bzbride2277:  I totally get the feeling.  I’m not pregnant or even married just yet, but my Fiance and I will both be making tiny teacher salaries for the rest of our lives, which makes being a stay at home mom pretty much impossible for us – we’re working off of his teacher’s salary + my small grad school living stipend right now and can barely afford an apartment, and we want a house with a yard one day, which is going to cost more.  Plus kids are expensive!

My best friend is recently pregnant and her husband is in the military.  He doesn’t make a TON, but they don’t pay any living expenses whatsoever and she has a good paying job.  They basically only pay for food and gas, and everything else is disposable income.  She’s probably going to stay home, and was complaining to me the other day about how they’re “so poor” because they’re saving to pay off ALL of his student loans ($30,000 left) within the next six months.  As in, they’re going to save up 30 GRAND within a few months.  That money alone is about $6,000 more than my Fiance brings home after 12 months of work.  It sucks to be jealous and a little resentful, but I totally am.

Post # 33
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

I completely understand where you’re coming from.  Like you, I am very driven and unable to turn my brain off and drive myself to the brink of insanity.  I have been working a full-time job since I was 17 as I graduated from high school a year early.  I have worked full-time all while raising my kids and putting myself through night school to get my degree.  I earn a lot of money now and there is no way I could quit my job as I earn more than my husband.  I am in my early 50’s now and I am so burnt out that some days I feel like I can’t even get out of my bed to go to work in the morning but I force myself to push ever onward every day. When I’m rushing around on my lunch hour to get a quick shop in and see all these SAHM’s taking their time, happily shopping and eating lunch without a care in the world, I must say, I feel very envious. 

Post # 34
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

bzbride2277:  Well – I used to feel like you. 100% But I’ll tell you what – when I was on mat leave I found it very isolating. It was me and my baby all the time all day long. In a bubble. And after a year off of work (Canada) I was ready to go back and feel like I was being productive in other ways and start using my brain again. And now that I’ve been back to work for 8 months – I’m starting to look forward to the next mat leave again! lol. Funny how that works.

Post # 35
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it’s easy to say “anyone who wants to can be a SAHM” without thinking about the realities of it. I think a lot of people view it as the only way to be a good mom or the ideal.

Also lifestyle as a Stay-At-Home Mom varies greatly! Many SAHM’s don’t have the college degrees or work experience it would take to make enough money to cover daycare and still make money (see below article) so it’s less of a choice and more just how it is.

I have a friend who is a Stay-At-Home Mom on govt aid because she opted not to work for 1yr after baby was born and she has a PHd. They barely make it on her DH’s small grad school stipend. He helps out a lot but they can barely put food on the table and their car is always breaking down.

I have another friend who has a college degree, works occasionally on the weekends, her husband makes  tons of money and is not helpful with the kids at all and is often at work till 9pm and is a Stay-At-Home Mom who loves her kids but is often resentful of Darling Husband not helping out (even when he’s home and totally free he just doesn’t). So she’s got money but no help. 

For us, it would be great if I could stay home one day, so we are working towards that. We both have student loans we are still paying back and a mortgage on a modest 3br house in a great school district so even though we make pretty good money, and we could make it work, it would be really pinching it for me to stay home now and that’s not something we want our child to have to deal with.

So for now baby will go to daycare full time and I will work full time and that is okay! After baby #2 or when Darling Husband gets a promotion we’ll re-evaluate.  

Interesting article: http://www.today.com/money/new-stay-home-mom-surge-its-not-who-you-think-2D79497794

Post # 36
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I feel the same. I didn’t think I’d feel this way, even when I first went back to work after maternity leave, I was relieved. Now that we’re past the do nothing but poop, cry, and eat days (my daughter is almost 2), I dream of being able to stay home with her. I can’t stay home for financial reasons – I still make significantly more than my husband, even working 3 days a week. I love toddlerhood, seeing her learn and discover is truly one of the coolest things I’ve ever experienced (even with the meltdowns and tantrums).  I am totally jealous of friends who are able to stay home, even of my mom who watches my daughter when I work. Going part-time has certainly helped, but I still am sad the three days I have to leave her.

It’s strange how parenthood has completely changed my view on children. I never thought teaching/caregiving is something I’d be interested it, but I truly enjoy it. I’m also having a bit of a career crisis at the moment, and if I had a chance, I actually think I’d go back to school for early childhood development so that I could work at/open a daycare. That way I could make money and still enjoy this time with my daughter/future kiddos.

Post # 37
Member
905 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Does your job have any flexibility in working from home part-time? Or are you qualified for a job that would allow you to do that?

Post # 39
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Im a stay at home mom and I must tell you the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. For the first year of my 3 year olds life daddy was a stay at home dad since I made the money and it was in the best interest of our family for him to quit and not me.   A year after she was born our relationship hit a huge snag to the point we were ready to call it quits. Turns out my fiancé was very unhappy staying at home all the time. We decided to move out of state and switch roles ( my father offered us a rent free house in exchange that we pay utilities and I go back to college ) Now that I have been a stay at home mom 2 years I have to say it is exhausting . I love my daughter more than life but I get very little adult interaction except with my fiancé whom I also love very much but being  at home all day I find to be not stimulating enough mentally. Fiance laughs because im quick to want to take a trip to the store or get out for any duration of time. Even if I didn’t talk to anyone I felt happy to be out in public lol.  To fix my isolation feeling I have begun taking 2 classes at the college a semester and the rest online.  I think staying home is definitely fun but can be draining mentally its all about finding a balance. Thankfully I have a fiancé who was a stay at home day so he understood my concerns and made the effort to work my at school classes into the schedule so I can get out of the house a few times a week.

Post # 40
Member
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

bzbride2277:  I don’t have any Stay-At-Home Mom friends.  They’ve all gone back to work after their 1 year mat leave (Canadian bee here).  I wish I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom when our time comes but unless DH’s salary about doubles that’s not happening.  He makes about 25% more than I do but it’s not enough for me to be able to stay home.

Post # 41
Member
261 posts
Helper bee

 

bzbride2277:  no judgement honey bunches. I wish I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom too. (well by my choosing that is). It would be nice to have not a worry in the world financially but ehhh sometimes lifes just not like that (as i take out my wallet and pay for this lotto ticket lmao)

Post # 42
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am the breadwinner in the family – by a significant amount so I knew when I was pregnant with my son that I would not be able to stay at home.  I went back to work when he was 3 months (so just a month ago) and honestly – I dont wish I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom but I do wish I could work less hours so that I could spend more time with him and get stuff done around the house.  I feel like I never have the time to get anything done – I wake up at 530 to get ready so I can spend 6-7am playing with him before he gets dropped off with my family for sitting – then I work from 730-430 and rush to get home to pick him up by 515, make dinner, try to have some bonding, give him a bath, do laundry, wash dishes – you get the picture – and all of a sudden its time for him to go to bed and I am just pooped from the whole process.  We did hire a cleaning lady to come in once a week which has been nice – it helps to not have to worry about all the chores but still there is always something – I wish i could work like 3 days a week and spend the other 2 at home with him and getting errands run.

Post # 43
Member
261 posts
Helper bee

 

MsGinkgo:  Man oh man i WISH we had a full year option here in the states. Ill be lucky if i could sneak in a couple extra weeks after the 3 month cut off line. sheesh (THATS IT!  im movin to Canada dammit lol)

Post # 44
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am a stay at home mom. Just an fyi- having a nanny come round for a bit isn’t as excessive as you might think. I have no family in the area, my husband is away a lot, and i don’t get sick days/holidays/etc – I have help during the week because sometimes you just need time to pop out to the store, have a bit of alone time, take a nap, etc. 

Post # 45
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t know if this would be a possibility for you depending on your timeline, but my brother and SIL are in a similar situation. She makes substantially more than him, and probably always will. However she wants to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, at least for a coupley ears. They have been saving for two years to make this happen and are finally TTC. I’m not sure how much they have saved up, but thy are confident they can make it work, at least for a little while. 

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