Post # 1
Hello bees! I am going to marry soon and I am really upset with a situation. I don’t want to invite a cousin of mine to my wedding, but I think I should, to avoid problems with my other cousins and aunt. I have a good relation with all my relatives, but it is always very hard for me to be around this guy. He is the definition of a jealous man. He makes bitter and mean comments whenever he can about my achievements in life. He is jelous of the house I got, of the fact I am going to live abroad after the wedding, he implies that I will get more money after getting married and that might be the reason I am doing it, he wants to know how much the cost of living in Europe will be, trying to figuring out if I could afford it or not, or if he could.. Argghh.
Today we were at a family party and he had the audacity to ask me if my fiancée was a nice guy. I told him that yes, but I couldn’t say the opposit since I love him very much. He immediately said: I am asking this because you might have other interests on marring him, that’s all. When I ask which interestes he thought I might have he said: well, maybe you just want to move to another country, earn a lot of money and then come back.. I was so angry, but tried to be polite and in the end I said that I have a confortably life here and that I didn’t need that to earn money, since I am already very sucessful in my profession. The issue is. I will HATE to invite such a man to my wedding, but all his other brothers will be invited. I feel sorry for him and at the same time very angry and I am not sure how to manage this situation. Sometimes I think I should just “forget” to invite him. Other times I think that I should invite him just to make him burn in his own fire and jealousy with all the love that my wedding will have. What should I do?
Sorry for my english mistakes since English is not my first language. Thank you very much, bees!
Post # 3
Unfortunately, its probably best to invite him. I HATE my aunt’s husband, he’s a total d-bag. Even last night at my aunt’s (his wife) birthday party he didn’t say one word to me and Fiance. But, it’s best to invite him or I’ll be offending several people. I’m hoping he won’t come because he doesnt like my brother…
Post # 4
He said what?!?!? Wow, it is BEYOND rude for him to say you are marrying your Fiance for travel and money. You need to make sure he finds out that such comments are completely inappropriate. If you feel uncomfortable telling him, tell your family, his brothers, whoever and tell them you were VERY offended. Hopefully they will let him know. Does he always make rude comments? Maybe he has no filter or concept of tact?
Post # 5
No Kitkat. He doesn´t and he is just plain rude. It still amazes me how some people have no manners at all.
Post # 6
Oh good grief!
First off, I do think you have to invite him to keep the peace. Just ignore him at the wedding as much as possible, that’s what I did with our guest like this. 🙂 She is always negative, never has a nice thing to say…and literally scowled through our vows (according to the bridal party and my mom) as well as not even getting us a freakin’ card or congratulating us! But you know what? She is the one that wastes her life with negativity and cynicism, not us. 😀
She is a gf of a very important family member, and is clearly jealous because they have been dating for over 10 years and this person has no desire to marry her (not getting into all the details, but to give an idea), but I’m sorry if you can’t be happy for us I’m not going to feel badly for you really.
Post # 7
When one of my friends got married last year she was really worried because she had to invite several family members she did not like and did not get along with. The good thing is, is that in the whirlwind of the wedding she hardly noticed they were there at all and didn’t think about it. So hopefully if you have to invite him you won’t notice him either because of all the excitement of the day!
Post # 8
I know I’m in the minority here, but I wouldn’t invite him. I really don’t get the concept of inviting people you don’t like to YOUR wedding. I just don’t believe in it. It’s your choice in the end & I understand wanting to avoid potential drama.. but I still wouldn’t invite him. This is how people go through life and continue to say and do horrible things to people… because no one checks them or puts their foot down. People let them sllide in the name of being the “bigger person”. Sometimes it takes being the “little person” (lol) before people realize that they can’t go through life treating people any kind of way.
Post # 9
@MsFoxxy: I agree! I wouldn’t invite anyone you don’t like to your wedding. It’s your day and should be celebrated by people that love and support you.
Post # 10
I say tell him how you feel. If he has any common decency he will feel remorseful and bite his tongue at your wedding. Or if he is a total jerk he will be so insulted he won’t show up.
Post # 11
Good for you for being so calm when he made those comments. I would’ve lashed out and let him know that not everyone marries for travel and money, and it’s incredibly rude for him to insinuate that I was. Some people are just jerks!
With that said, invite him and make sure he sees how beautiful and loving your wedding will be. Let him squirm in his little jealous seat. Punk.
Post # 12
I agree with MsFoxxy
Why should you spend money on him to come just so he can do this to you more? There is a guy in my family I invited to my wedding but neither of his brothers. Don’t feel obligated to invite someone you don’t want there. It is up to you, this is just my take on it.
Post # 13
MissCris…you sound like such a sweetheart. I admire your ability to take a deep breath and not shout back in his face. However, I say you invite who you want to your wedding. If he is a “must have” for your parents’ lists, then it may be another story. But if the guest list is completely up to you; you do what you want. You only get to plan one day exactly the way you want it…and if you don’t want his negativity and inappropriate comments there, then cut him off the list. If he asks why, you can always share the same “honesty” with why you didn’t include him as he shares with you on your relationship. 😉 Good luck!!
Post # 14
Alright, I know I’m going against what most people are saying…but I wouldn’t invite him.
I have a similar relative, my mom’s brother, who after years of ruining any and all events that were thrown for me (birthday parties, communion, confirmation, graduations) finally acted in such a rude way that I said I’m done and told my family I would no longer communicate with him. I just got sick of being the “bigger person” when the person in question was a full 25 years older than me, yet had been picking on me since I was a child!
While he still attends other family events (Christmas, cousin’s weddings, parties, etc.), he doesn’t get to attend mine, and I chose not to acknowledge his presence at these events.
My grandmother wasn’t happy about it at first, but it is what it is and now everyone just accepts it. I would never invite someone who was so rude and made me so uncomfortable to what should be the happiest day of my life.
Post # 15
Thank you for all the replies, girls. I talked to my father about it ( I don’t have a mum anymore) and, as much as it sucks, it seems that the best thing to do is to invite the guy. I realize now that if I don’t invite him, it will be my father the one who will have to answear all the questions regards why I didn´t invite my cousin, since I won´t be here in the country anymore. I don’t want to put him in this uncomfortable situation. I also realize that my aunt, who is an old and fragile lady (his mather) will be very upset if I don´t invite her son, and that is something I don´t want to happen. On the other hand, I also came to the conclusion that I had enough of him, and if on the day of my wedding he come up with any mean comment or sarcastic jokes, I will send him back to the land of the troglodytes without any remorse.