Post # 1
I am seeking advice on what to say to my husbands Step Mother. Lately, she has been really showing just how jealous she is of my husband and his siblings. So much so that she actually gets angry when their father takes them for dinner .. which is only a wopping two times a year (we all live quite far from them). She complains to me about my husbands father almost on a daily basis. The main thing she complains about is what their father does for his children. She gets angry when he buys his grandchildren gifts (She was furious when he bought his granddaugher a bike), takes his children and grandchildren for dinner, and she even gets mad when he comes to visit us. I am also pregnant with my first child and she has already made comments about how mad she was that their father purchased a crib for my husbands sister (I feel like she said this to me to make sure I don’t expect anything from them for the baby.. which I dont). My husbands father didn’t put their step mother in his Will – we don’t know why or any of the details in regards to that, but his step mother blames my husband and his sisters. I don’t know what to say to her anymore. I’m tired of her compaining to my about my father in law, who is a lovely man. I don’t know how to get her to stop complaining to me. I am a good listener and never minded listening to her vent but lately it’s been all hate towards my husband and his siblings and I can’t deal with it anymore. My husband doesn’t even know what to say because he fears that it will just cause a fight between his step mom and dad.
Any suggestions on what I should say / do?
Post # 2
I’m a big fan of telling people the truth. “Stepmom-in-law: While I understand that you are frustrated with some things that have happened in the past, I can no longer be involved with this discussion as it is negative against my husband. I support my husband 100%, and your opinions about him and his father are none of my business. I no longer wish to be a part of it. Please refrain from discussing this with me further”. And then ignore her if she continues.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I would address the comments next time she makes one, something along the lines of “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, you should talk to *her husbands name* about it”. If she continues to make comments, something along the lines of “These conversations are making me uncomfortable, I don’t have any suggestions to help you solve it/it puts me in an awkward sport so please keep me out of it”. She’s being completely inappropriate and should NOT be making these types of comments to ANYONE (except her husband.
Post # 4
I would take a 100% different approach to her. Sounds like she shit talks her own husband A LOT. Just record it. Record her shit talking about your husband, her husband, and the other siblings. Then send that recording to his father. She wants to talk badly about everyone in the family? Well maybe they should all hear what she has to say then! I would show her husband exactly the type of person she is.
Another option would be, invite her and your husbands dad over for dinner. ( Still record her talking shit so you have it on hand) Then you both have a calm talk with the step mom and dad about her comments. Point out that it is hurtful and that you are having a hard time understanding where her anger comes from. Confront her with the FACT that a father seeing his children, taking them out to dinner, having a relationship with them is NORMAL. and that him getting gifts for his grandkids is also normal. Essentially call out her behavior in front of her husband and watch her try to come up with an explanation of why her husband shouldn’t be doing what she hates. If you get push back, or she says she never says that stuff you PLAY THE TAPE.
If you don’t wanna do any of those things or call her out on it infront of her husband then its easy. Stop taking her phone calls!! not that hard! Be busy, say you cant chat. You are in control of if you listen to her or not.