- 10 years ago
My boyfriend is jealous. There is no doubt about it. Friends know it. Family knows it.
He worries about what others will say and do to me at all times and, though, he claims there is no lack of trust towards me, I find it hard to believe considering how he behaves. His every thought and action is literally dictated by insecurity. I am not able to go anywhere alone (grocery store, sister’s house, walk, mall, etc) without him throwing a HUGE temper tantrum, waterworks and all, that leave me giving up and just staying home or bringing him with. I cannot have a conversation with someone, be it telephone, internet or in person without his “supervising”. He literally hovers over my shoulder, head even with mine, and reads what friends say via chat, text, etc. It is beyond irritating to me. I am a woman and I believe I am entitled to a bit of independence and privacy. I have NEVER given him a reason to be jealous, but I believe it all stems from insecurity. I tell him my every move and topic of conversation throughout the day to avoid his 20 questions. I am trying to be patient and allow him to mature and outgrow his insecurities, but I am starting to wonder if he will ever truly change.
I asked him the other night to give me some space and let me talk with my friend while he was doing his usual online “supervising” and he did the unthinkable. He messaged the friend of ours from his phone, while I was chatting with them via facebook, to end the conversation so that he could spend time with me. He made up some lengthy story that my lack of sleep has me online instead of spending time with him, behaving “edgy” and even threw in some tidbit I mentioned to him in privacy earlier in the day about a co-worker that I specifically asked him not to repeat. Now, I am fairly certain my friends don’t want to get involved in his drama and understand that he is making up these strange things about me to cover his jealous tracks, but come on! This is just getting ridiculous. He expects me to go to bed when he wants to, even if it is far too early and I am wide awake. He is constantly trying to control what I say, what I do and what I think. I have made the decision recently to “postpone” our engagement because of this.
Is anyone else in a similar situation or know of anyone dealing with an insecure guy? I realize it may not be possible for him to change, but is there anything else I can do to help him give me some freedom?
**FUN FACTS TO CONSIDER**
1. I love him and WANT him to change.
2. We have an adorable, precious son together.
3. He doesn’t have many other flaws, besides this BIGGIE.
His jelaousy and obvious insecurities have been more than acknowledged by me since early on in our relationship. He wants to change, but doesn’t seem to be able to mentally adjust so quickly. He doesn’t physically react the way he used to as often and more whines, cries or complains than blows up or lashes out. I am very open and honest with him and communicate what it is that I expect out of my partner, in addition to expressing my dislike for his smothering behavior. He definitely doesn’t want to lose me and wants to change, but emotions run deep and he says these scenarios and conspiracy theories play over and over in his head and consume his thoughts to the point that he can’t think straight. If I am off of work, he calls me immediately. If I don’t answer or text back, he continues to call over and over and over until I do. I once was at a bridal appointment and couldn’t answer and he called 50+ times in 45 minutes because he didn’t know where I was or what I was doing. 🙁
He is making baby steps in the right direction, so I hate to walk away when he needs help and is struggling with something heavy. He is wonderful in all other aspects. Is there anything I can do to help him change?