Okay, so here it is…the bottom line..the final word, since I did write the OP in the moment and out of frustation (I think you can probably relate) and seemed to cause quite a bit of confusion with follow up posts. I may have unintentionally made him out to look like a “bad guy”, when he is not, due to the unavoidable exhaggeration or fabrication of limited word use. This is not to say he didn’t do the things I mentioned, but it simply is not an accurate or regular habit of his personality. I think by jealous, I should have said “inquisitive” and by controlling I should have said “caring”. I don’t know what I was expecting to hear from you all, but I was surprised by the number of Dr. Phils on the bee! 🙂
My boyfriend is more “needy” (for total lack of a better word, since he is not actually dependent on me aside from my lovin) than I. He is not as independent and does not require any real alone time. Before kids, I was used to taking my time enjoying simple things while alone in thought, like poetry and photography, without interuption. If I wander off now, I savor the freedom I am given without the kids, and slowly make my way around town with what I need to do, as opposed to hurrying along to rush back home. This is only because I am not “alone” often and to those who have kids know, everything is just so much more work when toting around two toddlers. A simple trip to the grocery store without babies in hand is a nice breath of fresh air. My boyfriend misses me when I am gone and worries when I take longer than I expected. He also knows that I tend to be indecisive and can get held up at the store based on very small decisions that I am overanalyzing. He will text in or call, but the one occasion (50+ times in 45 mins) was the ONLY time he had done anything to that extreme and he admitted to just being really worried since typically I come straight home after work and that is what I last told him I was doing when we spoke. If the same were to happen with him, I would definitely be calling in regularly to check after so much time had passed, out of concern for his safety.
So, what I should have said was that we are different in regards to my being overly laid back, carefree, possibly mistaken for borderline indifference and his being a regular, loving boyfriend who is caring and interested in my safety. He does ask to come with me when I make plans to go shopping or leave the house for any reason because he wants to be near me and enjoys my company, which I don’t TYPICALLY object to because I feel the same. There are RARE occasions that I want to go alone (certain mood) and because he is used to coming with or because I told him we all were going and then changed plans at the last minute, he sometimes reacts confused and frustrated by this. That, in turn, makes me rebel as an independent woman and feel smothered, when he has every right to be confused why I made the decision to want to go alone at the last minute. Leaving the OP so vague left you all to jump to conclusions about him that simply were not true, thus my guilt and defensiveness, based on one or two isolated events. He does want to know what the male, mutual friend of ours says to me during routine chats online out of curiosity and to be sure he isn’t crossing any lines. I have been labeled as slightly naive by family and he has been made aware of this (unsure why?), so perhaps that is also why he throws in a little extra blanket of protection?
All in all, things between my honey and I are incredibly smooth sailing and I sometimes regret having called off the engagement over a few moments where he expressed himself and didn’t take a back seat to my “authority”. I think since I had been mistreated in the past by men, that I am very quick to exhaggerate or generalize and pack my bags for the night. This is completely unfair to my boyfriend who loves me and thankfully didn’t leave him questioning my commitment to our relationship. He is a dream of a man. The best I have ever had or could ask for. Sometimes I think I am not deserving of his caring, loving ways because I am so not used to it. I almost feel bad that I am not that way towards him because I know he would LOVE that and it would prove my love for him, since I am so casual it has been mistaken for indifference by exes. Now, my man knows me and has had many an intimate conversation with me about this and why I tick the way I do. He loves me for me and realizes my bite is not near as scary as my bark. It almost appears it was a power trip on my part and a way of showing him that I control where my future goes (another I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR moment) and how he will treat me, which is fair but perhaps a bit immature on my part. A defense mechanism, really, to blame him for not letting me be me and wanting to change me when he is really just looking out and showing me that he loves me. I think I was upset with his following along to a conversation that didn’t involve him and chalked it up to insecurities and jealousy, when it makes sense with all of the facts that he just loves and cares for me in a way that I don’t necessary relate to. So, in conclusion, my boyfriend is great and rebuilding himself after a slight downpour and helping me to feel loved, even through the battered woman withdrawls. Abusive relationships stay with us, even after we are gone, and only time and change heals the wounds that we thought were taken care of as soon as we made the tough decision to leave.
Anywho…I hope I explained some things without making you all believe I am now the one who is coo coo. 😉 Sorry to those who have voiced their opinions and were shot down by me. I know you were only working with what information you were given and honestly trying to help. No more worries for me or kids, though, ladies. I guarantee you that if you met my honey, you would take back every concern you ever had and accuse me of being ungrateful. Best wishes to all and thank you for being here for me to vent, even if it is unncessary, strange, and confusing. 😉