(Closed) Jealous/Insecure/Controlling Bug Got My Fiance By The…!!!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well, I went ahead and read this entire thread so to make sure I got all of the information you provided….

You seem very much disturbed by the responses you received and are now back peddling as fast as possible. I think that you weren’t aware of how bad things really were until you wrote it all out and someone mad you actually explain these things.

This situation is toxic, will not get better, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of this and in almost all circumstances of any type of abuse it will get worse.

I feel for you. I really do. I’ve been there. Had a child with him as well and then after 2 years said enough and moved on with my life. And you know what?? He moved on within WEEKS to be able to abuse and manipulate someone else and continues to do so to this day.

I know that you will either not respond to my post or will tell me that I’m wrong like all the others and that your latest update should prove to all of us that he isn’t who you said he was…the fact of the matter is you don’t want to deal with the person he really is. You can’t just Over exaggerate the actions you stated…

I wish you luck.

Post # 93
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012


There is nothing more to say that hasn’t already been said. Your most recent posts actually worry me more. You’ve basically sugar coated every single negative thing you said previously and provided excuse after excuse for disturbing behavior. Unless everything you said in your original post was a complete lie, I don’t buy this sugarcoated version. Reading this actually made me nauseous!

Good luck to you!

Post # 94
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yeah, I failed to read the follow up….and now I will just ignore your posts.

Post # 98
6511 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Girl.  Unless everything you wrote in your initial post was a flat out lie, you were NOT overreacting.  His actions were simply NOT OKAY.  I know that is not what you want to hear at this time, but that is the truth.  “Supervising”?  Not okay.  Texting your friend to end the conversation?  NOT OKAY, not at all.  People are saying that (and emphasizing it), not to hurt you, but because we have the objectivity to recognize the glaring signs of seriously problematic behavior.  Like others have said, the fact that you are now blaming yourself for even bringing it up just solidifies the fact that things are not okay. 

I am hoping for the best for you, and that’s why I’m writing this.  Please don’t take this and other bees advice as an attack – I know most people are coming from a place of caring, and for some (like me) the empathy that comes from having been there ourselves.  I am here if you want to talk about it, and I’m sure other bees are as well. 

Post # 99
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I second everything

View original reply
@sarahbabs: just said. Especially the part about being empathetic, since I myself have been there. You are more than welcome to PM me as well if you need to talk to someone about this.

Post # 101
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Your new post is so different from your original, I would be inclined to think that someone logged in under your name and posted it.  It seems to come from an entirely different personality. While you say you were “exaggerating,” it just seems like lying to me.  Jealous and insecure are just not the same as caring and inquisitive. Just stating my opinion.  Good luck with your relationship!

Post # 103
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
@boombacha: You know, you can request the mods to close the thread, maybe you should. This is all going nowhere and you obviously don’t want to hear anything that any of us have to say.

Post # 106
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’ve been following this thread for a while, and failed to post because everything I wanted to say had already been said repeatedly by the other bees. Even if you were upset when you wrote the original posts, the actions alone are not okay, and definitely qualify as abuse. You obviously don’t want to hear it, which is sad to me, because you obviously know enough to know that this is NOT okay since you called off the engagement and wrote this post, BUT you seem afraid to take the advice and do what has to be done.

From what I have seen in life, people generally don’t change, and if they do it’s not something that you can force or help them to do. I have seen people get divorced after 3 months of marriage because they went into it expecting the other to change. If you are not 100% happy with who a person is NOW, there is no way you should marry them.

You don’t seem to really want help, since every post after your OP has been back-pedaling and defnesive of your boyfriend. But this is really not a healthy situation, and I hope you learn to help yourself, OP, because none of the bees can do it for you. Best of luck to you.

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