(Closed) Jealous/Insecure/Controlling Bug Got My Fiance By The…!!!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 123
6512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I just feel really really sick about this whole thing.  Frankly, every follow up post has just reaffirmed that things are NOT okay.  I’m not surprised that you are reading every post to him – it doesn’t sound like you have a choice.  The fact that he hasn’t “done you in” is not a shining beacon of non-abuse.  There is clearly emotional abuse going on, and based on what you said before, that’s not the only type of abuse that has occurred:

“His jelaousy and obvious insecurities have been more than acknowledged by me since early on in our relationship. He wants to change, but doesn’t seem to be able to mentally adjust so quickly. He doesn’t physically react the way he used to as often and more whines, cries or complains than blows up or lashes out.”

I know you just want this thread to go away, and having been in your shoes, I understand why you’d feel that.  But I am not comfortable leaving this alone.  For me, the Bee is a community, and if you were a friend (or even an acquaintance) in real life, I’d be just as insistent.  You are one of the first bees I knew by name, because I was following your CSB dress hunt, and I then was a big supporter of you keeping your gorgeous dress unlined, though I would have never expected myself to like any sheer bodice before!  Though its a little silly, I feel like I know you, and I care about you.  But even if I didn’t know you from Adam, I’d be reluctant to just let this go and pretend what you are saying now makes sense.  If you want to say that I and other bees that are saying similar things are playing doctor, so be it.  I am a lawyer, not a psychologist.  But I am someone who justified before, just like you are now.  I recognize it, and I know that having a supportive group of people is what made all the difference.  The only reason I am posting this here instead of PMing you is in hopes that other bees will also let you know if they’ve been there, whether through the thread or via PM.  You are not alone, not by a long shot.  Please keep that in mind. 

Post # 124
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Treasure43: Couldn’t have said it better. Agree 100%.

Honestly I think it’s more than a bit insulting to try to justify those actions as caring and inquisitive. Insulting to all the significant others who care and inquire in a non-abusiver manner.

And I know you don’t want to think your man is a bad guy, but a bad guy doesn’t have to be some macho guy who beats his wife, it can be something who slowly chips away at your independence, confidence and self-esteem. It sounds like your Fiance is slowly trying to limit your indepence, and the bees are just trying to help you see it through unbiased eyes.

Post # 125
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@boombacha: *shrug* Suit yourself.  I took plenty of time to read everything you wrote, and I still don’t believe all the backpedaling. You might not listen to people right now, but I hope someday you will. Good luck.

Post # 126
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Why are you reading the posts to him?!? It’s none of his business! I couldn’t force my b/f to sit through listening to all of this even if I wanted to.. He knows I talk about him on here, but it doesn’t matter what I say. Don’t give into his games by feeling guilty about writing the OP. I know with my ex I would have felt guilty and probably have done the same thing though… So I guess I’m not surprised.

Post # 127
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013



@bananejaune: AGREED.

Post # 128
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

And do I ever love donuts. Mmm.

Post # 129
80 posts
Worker bee

Wow, read as much as I can and all I can say is…

He needs help, he has problems.

You make a lot of excuses for him so stop defending him and wake up.  You need help too.

Read a post on the first page about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  And needing help.

Ouch, truth hurts.

Post # 130
80 posts
Worker bee

@Treasure43: He’s so controlling that it may indeed be two people – it mighr be him logged in replying right now! 😮

I bet he has her passwords and stuff so he can snoop for the evidence he’s dying to find to prove himself right. 

Post # 133
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

The original poster has requested that this post be closed so I am going to close it.

The topic ‘Jealous/Insecure/Controlling Bug Got My Fiance By The…!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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