(Closed) Jealousy

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
230 posts
Helper bee

How old is he? He needs to grow up.

Post # 4
4239 posts
Honey bee

Ah, he’s 21. Now things make more sense.

Have you brought up the fact that he’s a huge hypocrite? What does he say? 

Post # 7
380 posts
Helper bee

He sounds aprehensive. I would be scared around a guy like him. 

You could try going to counseling together, as he seriously has some problems of himself. You could also try some time off (to figure out how you REALLY feel about him). Or you could simply avoid having any male interactions with anyone other than your husband.

I would go with the first or second choice. Good luck!

Post # 9
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I would be extrmely wary about someone so controlling and alienates you from an entire gender. That isn’t healthy

Post # 10
6946 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
goodvibes0719:  You say he’s never been jealous until now…but also say when you started dating he made you delete all your male friends from Facebook. What do you call that?

Post # 11
4009 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Run. Run now. This is not the kind of life you want to live the rest of your life. He’s controlling you and is incredibly immature. You haven’t mentioned any positive attributes that he has. 

Post # 12
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

The hard part of marrying young is that you need to grow up together. Everyone changes especially in your early 20’s. Also, just plain life experiences havent happened yet – you guys have only been out of school and on your own for a few years. The more time and experience under your belt, the more you grow (hopefully).

He is being quite immature however, I believe he really feels jealous and can’t help it. He must feel quite insecure and may or may not realize it.

I realize that he’s not speaking to you right now but communication is a key element in a happy and successful marriage. I would find a therapist to help you two on communicating. It can sped the life experience process in this category immensely! 

My DH and I have a good 20 years on you and have only been together for 3 years. I am the jealous one in our relationship and will tell him when I’m jealous about someone or something. Doesn’t make it on all the time Though! You should be able to be Facebook friends with an actual friend of both of yours! 

Post # 13
4239 posts
Honey bee

He’s controlling, immature and manipulative. Is this the person you want to spend your life with?

Post # 15
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

To be honest, if you have caught him lying and such, and this is a sudden thing again, I’d be sure he’s cheating. 

I don’t like the idea of my Fiance having girls over (even if long time friends) if it’s after 10pm, but guess what? I don’t have guys over after 10pm at my place either. We don’t live together. I have no problem him going out with his girl friends late at night, just going to a HOME (his or hers) feels wrong to me, so I don’t do it and I ask (not demand) he doesn’t do it either. He’s gone to bars with female friends and I never care though. 

When a person is jealous because he legitimately feels it’s WRONG or DISRESPECTFUL, he wouldn’t do it either, like my example with the visits of friends the opposite sex, I legitimitaley feel it’s wrong, so I don’t do it. And if he were to choose to do it, I’d get jealous. I wouldn’t stop him from doing it, because my opinions don’t have to be his opinions, I’m not his mother, but I WOULD be jealous. Thankfully he cares enough to just avoid the situation, he says there’s plenty he can do thats fun without hurting my feelings, like going out for lunch or dinner, etc. The only people who visit me late are gay, not bi, not curious, completely gay, so I feel they are females visiting me and not men. 

When a person gets POSSESSIVE (not jealous) about their partner. “Don’t have guys on your FB!” And then is a hypocrite and does it (like your DH having women in his FB when he doesn’t want you having men on yours). It isn’t because he thinks it’s wrong or disrespectful, it’s because he is doing something with those girls in FB and is afraid you would do it too.

Jealousy sucks, I know, I’m the jealous Fiance. And guess what? Most people who are jealous KNOW it’s wrong to act on it and make their partners unhappy. I don’t DEMAND my Fiance to keep women away from his home late at night, but did tell him I wouldn’t like it, and he cared enough to not do it. He knows he isn’t obligated to do it. And he knows it wouldn’t be a fight. A POSSESSIVE person and a JEALOUS one is not the same thing, though it stems from a similar feeling, insecurity. 

The difference is that jealous people are insecure about other people stealing their loved one, where a possessive one is insecure that their loved one is doing the same thing HE is doing. AKA He flirts with women secretly in FB, so he rather you not have guys in yours because clearly they’ll flirt with you too or worse, you’ll flirt with them. Because if he has been doing it and not gotten caught, who says you can’t? 


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