(Closed) Jealousy and Other Engagements

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No I was never jealous of anyone else’s engagements but I guess I never really was in a waiting phase either. Jealousy is a wasted and unproductive emotion.  

Post # 4
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I’m not such a good person that I don’t get jealous about things 🙂

 

when boyfriend’s sister got engaged I was very jealous, but there were a lot of contributing factors (just graduated, realising that I myself would like to marry, she had a whirlwind romance, BF being distant at that time). It just seemed like she had absolutely everything sorted at only a year older than me whereas I was just uselessly floundering around.

 

generally I feel sort of wistful about my own relationship when I find out someone is to marry rather than full out jealous, or if they’re a fair bit older than me then I kind of aspire to them.

Post # 5
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

There was one that made me jealous, and I didn’t know the girl at all. It had to do with the fact that I’m oh…. 30—- let’s just say 30-something 😉 and she was 19.

They had been dating for less than two months when the guy decided to propose. I had nothing against the girl. It was more of a “why does she get to get married and I don’t” kind of thing. She had just finished high school; I have a post doctorate. She was going to marry into money; I’m in debt for life due to said post doctorate degree. She would be moving from her parents’ home to his home. I’ve bought and sold my own homes, and I have done it all on my own. That sort of thing. While I am VERY proud of my accomplishments, I have done it all alone, and looking at a young girl, who now has this knight in shining armor wanting to marry her and move her in, and pay her bills… sure, there was some resentment.

But they have already called off their engagement, and I am marrying the most wonderful man I have ever met. 😉 Good things come to those who wait…. even if you’re 30—- something. 😉

Post # 6
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

Jealousy is a normal human emotion. I have a hard Time believing someone who says they’ve never felt that before. Kindof like people who say they don’t judge.

 

I definitely felt jealous when I was waiting. For some I was genuinely happy.  I noticed these were women who have been waiting a long time, like I had been. Who truly deserved to be happy after a rocky love life history. Some women were older and had never been engaged/married. It’s nice to see them finally get their moment.

 

But others who had it come easily. Women who you see on bridezilla or the ones who are on their 3rd engagement/marriage not so much. Then there’s the 18yr old who posts her engagement announcement on Facebook. I’m happy for some on a certain level, but the waiting at the time made me a little irrational. 

 

Post # 7
Member
3469 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I got jealous of a recent friend that got married and another friend that got engaged. I was more jealous of the friend that got engaged because she’s been with her fiance for a little over a year and I’ve been with my SO for almost 2.5 years :/

Granted my SO and I live together and have joint bank accounts ect. so we have everything but the title I guess, but I’d like the title!

I’m trying to not be so jealous while I wait. It’s a wasted emotion! I try to find peace knowing my SO is completely dedicated to me and we will be getting engaged within the next 10 months. I just have to be patient

Post # 8
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

I’m jealous of those to whom everything I want has come easily. I’ve worked hard and suffered, and in many cases still haven’t achieved my wish, while they get things handed on a plate. One of those things is marriage… I’ve dated for 15 years, endured one heartbreak after another, and I’m still unmarried… then another woman meets a nice guy when she’s still quite young and he chooses her as his wife in less than a year. It doesn’t seem fair 🙁

Post # 9
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

I definitely get jealous, but mainly when it’s couples who have a)been together way less time than SO and I or b)been horribly unstable during their relationship. Unfortunately, now, if I even comment on someone’s engagement, SO seems to think I’ve been bitten by the jealousy bug.

Post # 10
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2016

@DrDiane80:  I’m in my early 30s – a few years ago a 19-year-old co-worker came bounding in to show me the engagement ring her new fiance just gave her. I smiled and said “Congratulations,” but inside I laughed and gave it six months. They broke up a short time later. 

The one that upset me was my younger sister’s engagement to the man she’d been with for 2 years. I didn’t even have a BF at the time. I went from feeling happy for her,  to feeling like a failure because my younger sister was going to get married before me, to cussing myself for being selfish when her relationship didn’t have anything to do with me. However, it didn’t help that my mom gave me a few sidelong sympathy looks during dinner.

I eventually came to terms with it, though. It was a nice wedding and I cried a little at the end because my sister was so happy. I was happy for myself, too, because I just started dating my BF and already knew he was the one.

Post # 11
Member
8751 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I never felt this way at all,  but I will say that people you truly  like are far easier to be happy for in general. I admit that I’m  a lot more tolerant of things I  find offensive, such as Facebook bragging.

Post # 12
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

not jealous.. just annoyed at my bf lol

Post # 13
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@mscuppycake:  I’m not sure if ‘jealous’ is the right word…more like insecure, wondering what was wrong with ME that he hasn’t proposed.

I was venting to someone about it at one point and that person said something that DRAMATICALLY changed my outlook on the engagement envy. She said “would YOU want to be in that relationship, though? would you trade places with them?”

She was dead-on: when I started looking closer at these newly-engaged folks relationships, it really opened my eyes:

Couple #1: her FI is a notorious flirt and possible cheater. Everyone knows it, including her, and for some reason she always chalks his behavior up to ‘boys will be boys.’

Couple #2: probably the two must dull people I’ve ever met in my life. They’re kind of perfect for eachother.

Couple #3: knew eachother for 2 months when they got engaged. Both have SEVERAL marriages under their belts. She seems like a ticking time bomb, and he isnt even ‘allowed’ to eat out at a restaurant with their friends unless she ‘approves’ of the place.

So, no: as envious as I was of those people when they got engaged, they are not relationships I’d choose for myself. For whatever reason, this helped me just be happy with where our relationship IS, because even without a ring, it really is a good one 🙂

Post # 14
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2015

The only time I was ever actually jealous (and it makes up for all the other times I wasn’t, because I went CRAZY) was when my SO’s brother got engaged to a terrible woman that he had dated for just over a year.  He didn’t even propose, she talked him into it because her student visa was about to expire.  But to see his brother jump through hoops to marry this awful person (she once responded to a server asking if we were twins with, “I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult.”) after a year, and my SO, whom I have loved with everything I have for five years, still showed no signs of proposing made me snap.  It just made me feel like why does she get this when she doesn’t deserve it?

All his other relatives getting married made me genuinely happy, because they had been together a long time too.

Post # 15
Member
1651 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

To be completely honest, I do get a bit jealous when someone announces their engagement. I’m not proud of it, but I do. Am I still happy for the couple? Absolutely, and I most definitely would never let my emotions and insecurities ruin the happiness they feel. And it makes me feel better knowing that my SO and I will get to announce our own engagement at some point.

Post # 16
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Let’s say you’d gained a bit of weight, or your hair wasn’t how you want it, or you were wearing an oufit that didn’t flatter you. If you saw your reflection, would you get mad at the mirror?

 

When good things happen to other people, it highlights the things that you wish were different about yourself or your relationship. Hopefully you can use those feelings to make changes in your situation, or acknolwedge those feelings in the hopes that they lose their power over you.

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