(Closed) Jealousy of other brides?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

baniibride: Gratitude is the opposite of jealousy. Focus on being thankful for what you have and remember that some people can’t afford any kind of wedding. Maybe volunteer and get out of your own head a little bit?  

Post # 47
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

OP you can’t compare like that. I think very highly of you for doing this all yourself. Paying your way is impressive. You will enjoy your wedding far more knowing that you worked hard to pay for it than if you were handed it on a plate.

janedw:  Soon2bmrs1:  Isn’t $800k Canadian about $600k American? Not that different. The average house price is about £500k here in London, very similar prices. I’m not sure how much the cost of living and average salary differs though. 

Post # 48
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

gpiglet:  you were giving great advice until you mentioned that people with flasshy engagement rings and expensive weddings dont have long lasting marriages. Perhaps that’s you view on it, or perhaps you’re trying to make OP feel better but dont put down other couples for having lavish weddings. I got married 2 weeks ago and my wedding easily cost $45k and it was the most beautiful day ever. A lot of things went wrong that day, but you know what? i’m not focusing on that. I’m focusing on the fact that i love my husband and at the end of the day i married the man i set out to marry. That’s the goal of a wedding right? 

Post # 49
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

MelissaandKyle:  you summed that up nicely. Although KM wasn’t called “Waity Katie” for nothing! Lol 😀

OP, would you really trade your life for another’s, if you had to trade all your experiences, relationships and personality with them as well? Probably not. Perhaps it would help you to make a list of all the positives of your life, all the good things about your wedding, and all the things you have in your life to be grateful for. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude and appreciation for what you have can really add to your serenity.

Post # 50
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

minta:  Thanks, and yeah, I don’t think I’d enjoy public scrutiny as with KM (re: being called “Kaity Waity” eeeek!!).  I mean, the grass is always greener, who knows WHAT she went through with that family before being married and the expectations and responsibilites she has now that probably makes her life difficult at times.  No matter where you turn, there’s always a photographer and an eager story to be written about you… not to mention your own friends, it must be difficult to even turn to friends during tough times out of what they could spill (intentionally or not) to the media.  

 

So to add to your thoughts, yes, it makes sense to develop an attitude of gratitude.  And you’re right, I’d never give up my life for another’s because chances are, I may not know how to interpret those experiences and contexts that make up one’s own life.  Ah now we’re getting philosophic LOL.  Plus, I wouldn’t want my wedding to be public either as with the Royal Wedding – I’d be thinking the entire time “don’t trip, don’t trip, don’t trip” 😀 

Post # 51
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m sorry OP you have these feelings. I do understand them. We live in a time of social media where the wedding business has gotten a huge commercialized boom over the past 5-8 years. Its all about bigger is better, wedding blog, wanting to have better than the last in terms of commercialization. The hard part is making sure you don’t let these things get to you and understand the day is about two people (the bride and groom). As hard as it is, try not to compare yourself to others. Have the best wedding you can possibly have and I hope thats the start of an even more amazing wedding! Do I have friends with bigger budgets? Sure Are some of there families footing the whole bill? Sure Do I have moments of wishing I had those same circumstances? Absolutely! But at the end of the day I’m going to marry my best friend it will be one of the most amazing days of my life. I focus on that and of course making the wedding the best it can be within our means! Good Luck! 

Post # 52
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Soon2bmrs1: janedw:   “Traditionally- the brides parents pay for the wedding” Yes in the western culture

baniibride:  I assume you are asian? I know exactly how you feel as I was on a similar boat as you, but my fiance’s parents are paying for the wedding…sounds like a #FirstWorldProblem right? lol (sarcasm) My fiance and I are grateful, but it’s not the wedding that we want since it’s one of those traditional, chinese banquets that I DESPISE ever since I was little. If you’re Asian and been in one of those weddings, then you’ll UNDERSTAND! I was stressing for awhile because I was trying to Amercanize the wedding as much as I can, but it was just not working out at all. I was literally turning into a bridezilla and getting into arguments with my fiance. I consider myself pretty laid-back, but because of the type of wedding we are being FORCED to have, I was turning into a different, CRAZY person….lol. Anyways, I kept convincing myself that it won’t be that bad and we’re saving alot by not having to pay. My fiance also has loans and we’re trying to get a place of our own so we figured we can put our money to better use. However, as I started attending our friends’ wedding, I began to envy what they had and it just really got to me. I think my last straw was at our last friend’s wedding and I realized that I don’t want to look back on my wedding and regret every part of it. It’s once in a lifetime event, and an IMPORTANT one too! We were worrying so much about money that we had to sacrifice our happiness aka our dream wedding.  After discussing with my fiance, we finally decide to have a nice separated wedding with our close friends, but have a set budget so that we can continue saving for a place of our own. So far, the planning has been going really smoothy and we are booking our venue this weekend, which I’m super excited about!

FYI I’ve never been into one of those extravagant weddings so I wasn’t jealous of that aspect. I was jealous that other people was able to have a nice, intimate ceremony/reception with their closed ones and that is all I ever wanted. Trust me, YOU can have a nice wedding even if you have to BUDGET ever aspect of it. You shouldn’t let other “fancy” weddings or people with rude questions affect you. We’re having a brunch wedding reception since A. Most cost-effective option B. We LOVE brunch and C. I’ve always been a morning person and can’t even stay up past 10pm (i’m only 26 harhar) so imagine me having a evening wedding.

We know some guests will complain how early the wedding is, but we can’t accomodate to everyones needs with our tight budget. We’re doing the best we can and honestly, we’ve been alot happier not having to deal with the chinese wedding (which we still have to do, but we don’t care for it since we’re not paying and our friends aren’t going to that one). In the end, the DAY is about you and your fiance and as long as you both are happy, that’s all that matters

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  cindeelili.
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Post # 53
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My husbands family have huge weddings 600 to 1000 people, the smallest wedding from his side was 450 guest and everyone was talking about how small the wedding was. They also have engagement party, wedding shower, rehersal dinner none are less then 100 guest. 

This was not for me, I just turned around to my husband and said lets get married next month. We had an invite list of 40 people. Put the wedding together in 3 weeks, found a small venue outdoor that accomadate 100 people, they had a small outdoor chaple on site, the hall was indoor with a great outdoor flow to the outdoor bar. We had a fire, out at their fire pit later in the evening. We actually had 80 people come to our wedding. Some of his extended family heard the rummer of our wedding and called to tell us they were coming anyways, so have a plate ready 🙂 

That Summer we had 3 other cousin all getting married, all huge weddings. I had one of his cousin who’s wedding was 850 people come to me and say she wished she had the guts to do what I did. She said there is so much drama in her wedding, and wedding events. She explained how she can’t really pick anything cause everyone is involved in her wedding. Example if she wants a thank you gift for the engagement party, she has to get approval from sister, mother and mother in-law… Everything is a process and has to be approved. I will admit did have a hint of jealousy, while at one of their beautiful parties until I was filled me in on the details and process of a huge wedding. Made me really appriate my little diy barn style outdoor wedding.

Bottom line, just do what you are confortable with. Don’t worry about others, and what they have done. Their wedding are beautiful in one sense, and your will be in another sense. All weddings are beautiful, big or small, luxurious or DIY. Enjoy your day it is about you and your love for your soon to be husband. This wedding that you are making is what is right for you, at this time of your life. Enjoy it!

Post # 55
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yipeebee:  you sound wonderful and I think I love you! Lol!

Post # 56
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Don’t worry about what others think about what you are doing. This is your wedding. Just try to relax. Exactly, you do what you can afford. In my case, my FI’s mother is paying for it due to an inheritance from her late sister 😪… But even though she said “don’t worry about the money”, I still did and booked a cheap venue. Just think, a lot of things do get wasted during a wedding, okay. Favors- a lot of people just leave them on the table. It’s massively irritating to watch people disregard something the B&G paid good money for. The “excuse” you use- “Half the time people leave them on the table anyway. I’d rather just avoid that altogether”. Bam. I’m debating this myself although I love thanking my guests. Then there’s the decor. Once again, a lot of it looks amazing.I love seeing what brides do with a space, but what about after? How about the waste element from that? What to do with all those centerpieces you paid for? For one day, you spent X amount of dollars on decor you no longer have a use for… The flowers you could order in bulk and make your own bouquets. You could practice with random bundles of flowers from Wal-Mart here and there. Bridesmaids and Groomsmen, why bother counting? Why would people ask this question? Everyone does a different number, dear. Some people only do a Maid/Matron of Honor and a best man. Others have it uneven. Some do without any. I will have no bridal party because my best friend passed away a few months ago and I literally have no one on my side… Your guests, my dear bee, will love your wedding no matter how much you spend. Money does not matter. Do you know some people go and get loans to pay for a wedding? It happens. If you’re slowly paying, then continue to do what you do. It’s just a one day party. You won’t have to worry about debt afterwards. Keep it simple. All that matters is your love, family, friends and a good time. And if you feel like adding a few more elements later, closer to your date, go for it. Just remember we all have different budgets. Just like in this life. 

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