Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I really wanted to get married for about a year or so before Mr. Peng proposed. I found that I had a really hard time with certain people getting engaged and married. Oddly enough, it wasn’t just a general jealousy, it was targeted depending on the “parameters” of the relationship, and here they were, levels 0 (no jealousy) to 4 (raging, seething jealousy)
0 – any of my girlfriends, any friends that were together longer than we were together (both his and mine)
1 – his friends that had girlfriends that I’d never met
2 – people we knew that got married but we weren’t invited to their weddings
3 – his friends that were marrying girlfriends they met in college, but got together after us
4 – his friends that were marrying girfriends who they met after college
I think it’s funny that I genuinely felt no animosity towards any of my own friends, only HIS friends. It’s definitely because it signaled that HIS friends were ready to make the commitment to their girlfriends, while Mr. Peng wasn’t ready to make one. I really didn’t care what my friends did, and I was always super excited for my girlfriends getting married!
If you were jealous (seethingly or mildly so) of other people getting engaged before you, did you have some sort of scale like I did? Or did you generally feel the same amount of longing/jealousy towards anyone you knew getting married?
Post # 3
I was the first out of my friends and family (I’m the oldest out of this generation of cousins), so I didn’t feel any wedding related jelousy towards anyone. I have to say, though, that my YOUNGER sister is pregnant with her second child and that puts me at a 3 or 4 because I wanted to be the first to give my grandma a great-grandchild 🙁 She has 2 boys, so maybe I’ll give her a girl (except I don’t want a girl, lol).
Post # 4
I can totally relate with this! My Fiance and I had been together for quite a while before he proposed. Before we got engaged there were quite a few of our friends that had been dating for much less time than we had that got engaged and I was extremely jealous of this. I almost felt like we had “put in our time” and they were jumping the gun. Funny how the engagement thing can make us all a little crazy!
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2010 - Catholic Ceremony, Cultural Hall Reception
I was very bitter when people who started dating after us got engaged before us. I have to admit that I was even jealous of a good friend of mine who got engaged about 6 months after meeting her now husband. I wasn’t really jealous of people who were even a tiny bit older than me, or dating for around the same time (or longer).
Post # 6
I can’t relate either, as my husband proposed after dating 6 mos. But Penguin, I think your rating system is dead on. I would be the same way, if I was faced with that situation.
Post # 7
I can relate! DH and I were together for 7.5 years when we got married!!! You can’t even imagine how many “Category 4” weddings we attended during that time!
Post # 8
I’m the first of my friends to get engaged. But I do get jealous when I hear about someone I know who got engaged after me but is getting married before me.
And I got jealous of FI’s friends who got married before us and they’ve been together significantly less than we have. That was probably a 3 on your rating scale.
Post # 9
I am not engaged yet, so I’m kind of at that point. So many people around me are getting engaged, it is to the point where I am glad I’m not quite ready yet (within the next year I think, we are only 21/22). I sorta judge them more than get jealous. I just get annoyed. Here would be my scale:
0- Not annoyed. His friends who I really don’t know well, so I know nothing about their relationship mostly.
1- Slightly annoyed. They have been together less time than we have (3 years in January)
2- Annoyed. They don’t have their sh*t together (finances, jobs, life in general)
**also I have to add, if I was happy for them but then they went a little bit overboard about the engagement and it made them seem like a different person, that would go here too**
3- Pretty annoyed. They aren’t a good couple (bring out the worst in each other)
4- Really annoyed. They have been together for less than a year.
Post # 10
I’m the first to get married out of my best friends. I don’t feel jealous of people getting engaged, rather it makes me upset if they get engaged after us (last December) and did/will marry before us! Mainly because if it was possible we would have a short engagement, we totally would have done it! So far we’ve had 3 of our close friends get engaged/married before us!
Post # 11
Um… I haven’t really been jealous of other people getting engaged or married… but I have been a little jealous of their weddings! I have some well-to-do aunts and uncles who just bankrolled their kids’ weddings and I am envious of how easy it was for them. I definitely do NOT want my parents to go into debt for my wedding (or myself)… but its hard not to play the “wouldn’t it be nice if” game.
Post # 12
Oh wait!! I totally lied haha. I was jealous once. I had been waiting for a proposal since about May of this year. The path looked clear that I would get engaged soon and we could get married in Fall 2010. Then in June, out of NOWHERE my brother proposed to his girlfriend (of 6 months who no one likes), shocking us all. And he set his date for August 2010.
I wasn’t jealous that he was getting married before me (he is 8 years older… he couldve gotten married forever ago), but I was jealous that he did it RIGHT before me and kind of stole my thunder there. But, such is life.
Post # 13
@CorgiTales: Good point about getting jealous over weddings! We just had one on Saturday in our family and it made my whole day when several people said it was a nice wedding, but ours was at the top of their list for most favorite EVER! Hopefully we’ll never attend one that makes us jealous, lol 😉
Post # 14
@lillindy- that is so nice to hear I am sure! I really hope we can throw a nice fun wedding that people enjoy.
Post # 15
my brother and sister had very short courtships – my brother married his wife after 15 months of meeting her, and my sister married her husband after 16 months. I started dating my Fiance before my sister, and she’s now celebrating her 2 year wedding anniversary.
I don’t know that i was necessarily jealous but I think they felt they were more serious about getting married then I was – and that bugged me. Its been 4 years since we started dating and we’ll be getting married in six months, but our priorities were a bit different – we wanted to buy a house, get out of debt and get established before we got married. My siblings didn’t do that. I wouldnt do it any other way, but I don’t like that they viewed our relationship as “not serious” because we had different priorities
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
I was REALLY embarassed at weddings cause I’d cry a lot at the ceremonies and during the speeches before I was engaged, and I thought it was due to the fact that I was jealous… but I still cry at them (both ceremonies and speeches) so I feel a little better about it now that maybe I was just crying because I was touched 🙂