(Closed) Jealousy of those who went before me…

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2511 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

This is so great! OK, mine’s a little different but here goes. I was jealous of people who were ALREADY married. I don’t/didn’t know anyone who was engaged or getting married, I was just pissed off that all around me, people were married and I wasn’t! I HATED jewelry commercials, passing jewelry stores in the mall, hearing people complain about their crappy (married) lives, etc. Literally EVERYTHING about other people’s married lives upset me lol. Imagine what an emotional wreck THAT will make you. FINALLY, I got what I wanted, but not without letting him know. He is definately not one to jump into things, but he knew that I was serious and even though we hadn’t even been together 2 years when he proposed, he knew I was more than ready. I knew that he loved me, but because of a previous marriage that ended badly for him, he was slightly gun-shy. Which I did understand, but still did not change my viewpoint and desires. Bottom line, it’s ok to be jealous/emotional/slightly crazy because of other people’s marital status lol.

Post # 33
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can relate some.  FH and I got engaged August of 2008 and decided to have  long engagement so we could save money and really do some planning.  So many of my friends and just people I know have gotten engaged after us and gotten married already it is crazy. It makes me so jealous because I’ve been engaged longer then them and I’m still sitting around waiting for my wedding next May.

Post # 34
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I feel you!  We have been together for almost 5 years, and he has not proposed yet.  I know he will soon (he has the ring) and we already set a tentative date.  By the time we get married we will have been together almost 7 years!!  My friends tell me I shouldn’t be jealous of other couples – we are only in our early 20s – but when I see people who have only been together for a year or less I am definately jealous.  Not that I am not happy for them, but there is that little voice saying “they knew so early in their relationship, what is HE waiting for?!”

Post # 35
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Sigh. I’ve had 4 friends get engaged in the last month and I’m not going to lie, I’ve been a little bit grumpier toward my boyfriend since then. I’m still SUPER excited for them, because I’m so glad they’re happy and I get to help plan for 2 of them and they’re some of the most AMAZING girls I know, but I can’t help but be a little bit jealous, especially when one of them has only been dating the guy for 5 months and they’re getting MARRIED December 5th. Of this year.

I think the reason it makes me jealous is because it makes me feel like their boyfriends were more “sure” than mine is. I know that’s not true at ALL, and that the reasons mine is waiting are valid but it still hurts, and it still makes me really upset. He’s saving for a ring, which is part of the delay, but the fact that he’s a minister means that he has to take this process slower than most. Add that on top of the fact that he’s a SUPER cautious person and you can see what I’m getting at. It’s making me really grumpy and while I don’t bring it up, I’ve definintely been acting differently towards him the last few days (since my friend asked him to do the ceremony).

Post # 36
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I know this feeling, but I would describe it as ANGER. It angered me when my fiance’s brother got engaged after 2 yrs. with his girlfriend – and here I had been with him for 4.5  (come to find out my fiance was going to propose nearly the same week, but then had to put it on hold because of their announcement – he was a bit pissed himself) – but he didn’t tell me he was angry about their engagement until after we were engaged, because he saw just how pissed I was. I was kinda pissed at him too. I had this feeling of: “I have put in my time with you, if ya wanna keep me great – put a ring on it already” but the worst was the bragging by what is now to be my future sil. ISH! Brags on facebook constantly. Now they are married and it hasn’t slowed down – if anything her bragging has sped up. Now it’s all the new gifts and pictures of the pre-wedding, grooms dinner, the wedding, the reception, the honeymoon, next it will be the pregnancy and the children …. bet she won’t brag if they divorce?

Post # 37
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I haven’t really been jealous of any friends getting engaged or married… Oddly enough, I was pissed when my ex-boyfriend got married.  It pissed me off because he’d treated me like I was less than scum for over 2 years, then he knocks up a girl the month after I get engaged & decides to marry her.  He even told me that he was only marrying her because she was pregnant.  So yeah.. definitely not jealous of the circumstances.. I actually wasn’t jealous at all.  I was angry.. because after ALL he put me through, it just felt unfair that he got to get married before me.

Post # 38
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Oh boy, can I relate to this one! Bad enough that my religious-no-sex-before-marriage best friend from high school has already celebrated her 1st wedding anniversary, despite not even meeting her husband until after my BF and I were dating almost a year, but I was also the Maid/Matron of Honor. During the reception, I could feel everyone’s piercing eyes on my left hand….whyaren’ttheyengaged?!!?


Then, a little over a month ago, my BF’s childhood best friend proposed to his gf of 3 years (we’ve been together for almost 4.5) and she put the rock (and updates on every last detail of their planning) all over facebook in her typical self-promoting fashion. They already have a date, a venue booked (she’s Daddy’s girl so it’s all paid for), and a wedding website. I can’t say I’m proud of my reaction, which was a bit childish–an emo Facebook status that apparently tipped her off as well as the MOG to my true feelings & a text exchange that went something like, “well, i’m still waiting, but happy for y’all!” *feel the seething anger* I guess there’s always been this implicit competition between us, which doesn’t help my self-esteem cuz she’s a rich, skinny, spoiled glamazon and I’m a PhD student struggling to make ends meet / emotional eater who could stand to lose a few pounds. I took their engagement really hard, couldn’t get out of bed for a few days, cried more than I probably ever have in my life.

Of course, the worst part about all of this is that every time I react to someone else’s happy news in such a dramatic way, I know it hurts my BF and probably causes him to second-guess our future. How can I stop this?! (besides finally getting a ring, lol)

Post # 39
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Oh I get jealous! I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and still waiting. I know he’s saving his money, and it will happen one day, but it still bothers me when others get engaged/married before us. Mainly if they have been together shorter amounts of time. This jealousy only just started in the past year though. I like reading things like this. Makes me feel more normal and helps me calm down

Post # 39
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Is jealousy the right word? Or is it that you felt your moment was being crushed/stolen? I would say the two are different things. I wouldn’t feel any of these things for distant friends or people I don’t even know though. 

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