(Closed) Jealousy? Or something else?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Overjoyed:  I think it’s wishful thinking. People generally like to be envied. 

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have noticed the same and I dont always agree that it actually is straight up jealousy

I think we often see the worst in people and not the best.   Its easier to assume they meant harm as opposed to just not thinking about the impact of their words.  Especially around a wedding when the bride tends to be much more emotional.  

Its also an easy go to when someone doesnt have the reaction we want them to have/expect them to have.

Its hard to reverse the situation and see what we ourselves have done to provoke the reaction. We tend to assume we are the innocents and the others are the problems.

 

I like thi think of every situation having three sides. Yours, mine and the truth.  Rarely do we get down to the truth and its easier to side with the person typing because that is the only information you are given.

 

Post # 6
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I think there are a lot of girls jealous when their friends get engaged, plan a wedding, etc. Think about it, a WHOLE day completely focused on one person! Jelly!!!

Post # 7
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Overjoyed:  It’s WAY easier to say “They’re just jealous of you” than it is to say “Girl, you and your expectations are more cray cray than the future Kimye baby”

Post # 8
Member
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@NeverMoreLenore:  best explaination. i can’t stand teading that the first assumption is 95% of the time jealousy. Come off it.

 

Post # 9
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sometimes it is jealously, but a lot of times it isn’t. I think it just makes the bride feel better to think people are jealous rather than they might just not like her, have an unrelated issue with her, etc.

Post # 10
Member
8599 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think there really are a lot of jealousy issues surrounding engagements and marriages though. I mean sure, some of the time it’s probably the bride being a little crazy, but you can’t deny the amount of people posting how they are jealous that so and so got engaged before them, that they’ve been together longer, they have a bigger budget, etc etc.

Post # 11
Member
1511 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Overjoyed:  I agree with @NeverMoreLenore: that in general, people like to be envied so there could be a lot of wishful thinking involved. 

 

However, I do agree with @lealorali: and @Westwood: that sometimes it actually is jealousy.  I’ve been lucky so far in that I haven’t been experiencing anything like this from my friends and family, but I have seen it in the past.  When one of my best friends got engaged a few years ago, one of our mutual friends (who is no longer friends with either of us) had a complete meltdown when we were hanging out one weekend saying things like, “I’m so sick of hearing about your engagement and how perfect everything is for you!  It should have been me getting married this year!”  (She had broken off her engagement a few months prior.)  It was ugly.

 

Post # 12
Member
1459 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo

I don’t know so much about weddings… but you get this a lot in art circles. Any attempt at criticism is so often met with a “oh let’s see you do better, obviously you’re just jealous”. It is the single most annoying thing ever XD

 

People can be incredibly self absorbed and it’s nicer to believe that someone is just jealous of you rather than accept they might have a point.

Post # 14
Member
352 posts
Helper bee

I also think “jealous” isn’t always the explanation…

I’m sure most of you have been bridesmaids/MOHs in weddings before you were engaged or even when you were single… I know I have, and as much as you want to “be there” for your friend, as a single lady some times it’s just difficult to really “get” all the emotions of a bride (even if you don’t think she’s being unreasonable) when you haven’t been there yourself.

I know for me it was REALLY difficult to do everything “right” as a Maid/Matron of Honor when I was totally single and years away from thinking about marriage, not because i was jealous, just because I really kind of didn’t get it yet. NO BAD INTENTIONS, you know?

Post # 15
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

People most definitely like to be envied! My Maid/Matron of Honor has has a rough time with the thought that she may be losing me a bit, we have always done everything together and now I am off on this wonderful adventure of planning a wedding and some of the emotions and stress that go hand in hand with the process she simply cant understand (although someday she will). All my other friends are oh so quick to say she is simple jealous, but I KNOW this is not the case. People need to be less self involved and look at the big picture of the situation. I think it is really important to think about all the emotions that those close to you go through when you decide to make a life with your Fiance, while jealousy may indeed be among them there are so many more that often get misdiagnosed.

Post # 16
Member
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Maybe you all are just jealous of all the people here who are able to call it like they see it???

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOL jk… I actually haven’t noticed this?? Maybe I’m an offender myself and I haven’t seen it because I’m a guilty party lol

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