- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
My boyfriend is amazing. He’s kind, and wonderful, and attentive, and he spoils the crap out of me. I *know* without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and only me, and that I can trust him. We’ve been dating about 6 months, are in our late 20s, and both feel confidently that we are moving towards engagement within the next year.
We have a vacation planned together in a few months, which I was ridiculously excited for until I found out that he had previously traveled there with an “ex.” I say “ex” because they dated off and on for about a year and a half. He says it started as a friendship and that he always knew he would never be serious about her – he just felt that he couldn’t do better at the time, and was lonely as he had recently move and didn’t really know anyone else in the area. He eventually ended it, 7 months prior to meeting me, because he felt he would never attract the type of woman he wanted to marry if he continued a casual relationship with someone he knew he would never have a future with.
The fact remains, he was there with her before he was there with me, and it’s eating me up! I know that she is the past and I am the present and future, but my jealousy is becoming difficult to deal with. I can’t help but feel that everything we do there will remind him of her, even though he insists that he spent most of his time alone and it was not a romantic or sexually intimate trip of any kind (they took her daughter), and that he “lives in the moment” anyway, so he will only be thinking of me and of us. I’m just having such a hard time letting go of this. I feel that it will be less special for us because he’s already “been there, done that.” I guess somehow I also feel like I myself am less special to him because he’s already done this with someone else. Now I am feeling disappointed and resentful because I was SOOO excited, and now it all feels tainted.
I know I’m being ridiculous — of course I also have a past, and if he held that against me I would be livid. In fact, my past is quite a bit more varied than his, so I really have no right to be jealous. I have avoided talking to him about this as much as I could, but blew up last week. He was understanding but understandably frustrated…he just wants me to BELIEVE him when he tells me how much I mean to him and that I am more special and mean more to him than anyone else ever has. He keeps saying he wants me to have faith in him, which is really difficult for me to do as I’ve been through a few abusive relationships etc.
I really WANT to be excited for this trip and I WANT to have a good time and not let this get in the way of our vacation or our relationship, but I am having trouble letting go of it. I mean, my boyfriend has not traveled much in his lifetime…so couldn’t we have gone somewhere else that was new to both of us? Somewhere that won’t remind him of another woman? I feel like I’m going to be walking around on this vacation with him, and the ghost of her…
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I’m just at a loss right now and I want to feel better.