(Closed) Jeans at a wedding – no.

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

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kw617 :  People in rural areas really, truly do. That’s just one of the millions of reasons why I couldn’t wait to leave my small town and move to the nearest actual city lol

Post # 32
1529 posts
Bumble bee

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michaella93 :  I agree with the PP that said maybe word it as “cocktail attire”?

I also agree with the PP who said that you can still make jeans look dressy. My DH and his guys wore jeans at our wedding, but they were all really nice dark jeans that had no fade or anything, and they all were the exact same jeans purchased at men’s warehouse with the rest of their outfit. With that being said, DH would never wear jeans to anyone elses wedding. I feel like it’s common sense, but other people don’t. 

Even if you word it cocktail attire, you will probably still have some men show up in jeans, if it’s common for them to wear them at weddings in their social circle. Just try not to let it bother you – it’s not like a couple of men guests wearing jeans is going to ruin your wedding pictures or make your day any less special. 

Post # 33
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m Midwest (Wisconsin) and it’s definitely the norm here at least in my area. It drives me nuts, but, it is what it is. Our wedding is somewhat formal but I’m not bothering with a dress “code” because I know if Uncle Jimmy is gonna wear jeans, damnit, he’s gonna wear jeans weather I put it on the website (that he won’t look at) or not.

I would just let it go. 

Post # 34
761 posts
Busy bee

I agree with putting “cocktail attire” or even “formal attire” on the invitations and then making peace with the reality that some people are still going to wear jeans. 

Post # 35
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I’m from the Midwest (Kansas City) and people do this. DRIVES ME INSANE! You can suffer without your jeans for a few hours. Ugh. 


Post # 36
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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brereuther :  ha, my parents live in small town Minnesota, and I think my  mom would have a heart attack if my dad wore jeans to a wedding or church!

Post # 37
7862 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I am from the Midwet, and while I would never dream of wearing jeans to a wedding, many, many people do. They will likely wear their darkest pair, or maybe even black jeans (if the invitation said semo-formal or even formal), but they will wear jeans. What it came down to for me, at our wedding, was that the PEOPLE mattered more than their CLOTHES. I was genuinely happy to see the people who came to our wedding, and I wouldn’t have wanted them to not be there because I thought their attire wasn’t fancy enough. So think about it, and decide which matters to you more – the people or the clothes they wear.

Post # 38
270 posts
Helper bee

Ugh I could not imagine! Definitely put semi-formal on the invite but you will probably get a lot of people that just don’t listen. I was recently at a wedding in Scotland where the bride was from the Midwest (but her dad and the FI were from Scotland which is why the wedding was there) and they had a very formal wedding but lo and behold a good half of the guests (all ones from the US) showed up in casual wear. Thankfully no jeans but a lot of women came in short cotton sundresses that one would wear to the beach. Again this was a BLACK TIE wedding, I just found it so rude and tasteless but then again I grew up in Los Angeles where people are always dressed up. 

Are you doing a wedding website? Maybe make a cute little image that talks about dress code in a lighthearted way. Some people might not like this but I had this on my website because I have a lot of family members that are notorious for showing up to formal events in tee shirts and cargo shorts lol. I went to my cousins wedding a few years back and an uncle who will remain nameless came in camo shorts and flip flops to a ballroom wedding…yikes!

Post # 39
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I have a feeling my brothers are going to wear jeans to my wedding… but I’m from New Zealand and we’re laidback people in general, my wedding is fairly casual. I would prefer they wore something nicer but I’m not going to say anything about it, I want people to wear what they want.

Post # 40
5974 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m trying to figure out why it’s so “horrifying” or “upsetting” to see jeans at a wedding. Like, why do you care (especially as a guest!)? How does it affect the wedding? 

I think putting it on the invite is fine but I would not add extra directions on the website. If you are really that concerned about it, ask your Fiance to speak to his friends.

Post # 41
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Midwest bee here (Southern Indiana)! Jeans are the norm here. The majority of people in the entire tri-county area wear nice jeans to work, church, and yes even weddings. Dress jeans are absolutely a thing where I live and no one looks down on anyone who wears their dress jeans to events. If your Fiance is from an area like mine, a dress code on the invitation probably won’t amount to much because they don’t see their dress jeans as dirty old denim, they see them as dress pants. 

Post # 42
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Okay, so I just have to say that the only person who wore jeans to my island casual wedding was my DH’s uncle, a British sailor from Brighton. I honestly didn’t care and thought he was cute, dancing with his incongruously sexy French wife in her LBD and strappy heels. 

I grew up in a small town in Oregon and “semi-formal” attire literally meant “dark wash jeans with no holes in them”. In California, where I got married, semi-formal would mean khakis and a sport coat.

I would say Black Tie on the invites because that leaves no room for interpretation but keep in mind that you might not get what you ask for. Formalwear is expensive and a lot of people can’t or won’t fork out on this detail of your wedding. 

Post # 43
1702 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

We just went to a wedding and there was a teenage boy there wearing jeans and a hoodie.  I laughed it off, knowing what middle-school age boys are like.  But my husband was horrified.  He couldn’t believe that the parents allowed the boy to attend in that attire.  And the wedding was just at a party house that was not super fancy.  (Sort of looked like a log cabin inside.)  I have been to a bunch of low budget picnic-style weddings where the bride and groom asked people to wear jeans or casual attire.  (We personally still don’t, because we like to look nice at a wedding.)  But my husband is the one strongly against it.  And he is a person who loves to wear dark wash jeans and a white button down shirt when we go out for a date etc.  I offered dark jeans and tweed vests as an idea for our outdoor wedding ceremony, and he looked at me like I had two heads.  Everyone is different I guess.  My advice would be try to spread the word by telling a few of his most gossipy relatives that you would prefer no jeans.  You can try writing a dress code on the invite, but it sounds like there is no appropriate way to say what you mean directly enough to get the result you want.  I guess you could put “no jeans, please!” but people might be a little offended.

Post # 44
1253 posts
Bumble bee

My now SIL asked me countless times if she could wear jeans to our Black Tie wedding at a venue that does not EVER allow jeans. The club has been around for over a century, they’re not changing their rules for you, sweetie, no matter how many times you ask. 

She wore yoga pants and looked RIDICULOUS. Needless to say she was not included in a single photo. 

Post # 45
3395 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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knickergold :  Yoga pants to a black tie wedding!?! I can’t believe they even let her in the front doors. I wish I could see a photo!

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