(Closed) Jeans at a wedding – no.

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 46
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am not from the midwest (Although I do live here), I don’t think jeans at a wedding is something to stress at. I’m from California, we had our wedding in California, and while it was formal attire, people came in jeans. It’s not that big of a deal. I’m just glad those people came, I don’t care what they wore.

Post # 47
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I realize that we must have had two very different kind of events for our weddings. But our wedding party wore jeans and managed to look pretty nice. (IMO)… But then again we are from Texas, so it may be more of a regional thing. 

Word of advise, you cannot control everything… don’t waste your time or energy trying to! 

Post # 48
Member
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You shouldn’t put Black Tie on the invitation unless you are truly hosting a Black Tie wedding. That involves a lot more than the style of dress.

Post # 49
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My ex-BIL wore jeans and a T-shirt to my first wedding. He also showed up late, got embarrassingly drunk, insulted my ex-husband and caused a scene. I expected it, because he’s a dick. Ultimately, nobody left our wedding talking about the guy wearing jeans.
It’s annoying and inappropriate unless your wedding is casual, but short of mentioning dress code on the invites there’s not really a polite way of addressing it.

Post # 50
Member
13646 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Apart from black tie, which refers to formality of the affair, and mandatory venue restrictions, dress code is not appropriate in or on a wedding invitation. For better or worse, guests are supposed to have the common sense to know how to dress. The most I’d do is mention it if someone asks. I’ve personally never seen jeans at a wedding. 

Post # 51
Member
7533 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
MrsBeck :  I don’t understand it either.  I thought the point of a wedding was to celebrate with your nearest and dearest but apparently it is about what you wear.

My grandmother attended one of my sisters weddings in yoga like pants and a nice top, she also had terminal cancer and passed a few months later but I guess should have sucked it up and been uncomfortable because of someone’s vision.

Post # 52
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

Let your Fiance know your concerns and the word will get around. I would be afraid to put semi formal on an invite,  there are so many different opinions on what semi formal is. 

My Fiance is from the Midwest,  Ohio, thankfully his family know better than to show up in jeans.  That being said,  our engagement was a black tie formal event and everyone was dressed appropriately.  

I remember my cousins sweet 16, also a black tie formal event,  the DJ came in dark jeans – we asked him to go change, and he did. Its your event,  do it your way.  

To PP – Im very snobby, but even I would understand that your grandma is an exception to the rule. I don’t think that is comparable to the topic at hand.  I feel that no one would bat an eye even if she came in sweats. Im sorry for your loss. 

Post # 53
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
michaella93 :  my wedding was “black tie optional” and my step brother still showed up in jeans yell whatever. It’s annoying but wasn’t going to ruin my day. I think it’s a very bad look to see others in jeans at other peoples weddings. 

Post # 54
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Personally I wouldn’t be too bothered if someone was wearing smart jeans but each to their own. I’ve also never heard of this rule that putting down style of attire on the wedding invite being a no-no. Every invite I’ve ever received has always stipulated what the dress code is. 

If you choose to include a dress code on your invite then I would leave out words like ‘semi’ and ‘optional’. That leaves too much room for interpretation. Could you say something like ‘morning suit’?

 

Post # 55
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I was about to come to defend jeans. i don’t think wearing clean, non worn out, well fitted jeans is a problem. combined with a button up and a tie or for women a nice top, blazer and high heels looks good in my opinion. but everyday jeans with  t-shirt is not ok in my culture. 

that being said. if that’s how it is done there then why not. if they feel it is appropriate then they do. They are showing up to support your marriage and spend time with their friends. 

Post # 56
Member
1435 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

In my social circle growing up you didn’t even wear jeans to  a dinner at someone’s house let alone to a wedding. But it’s ALL regional and cultural so if you’re inviting a bunch of people from an area where jeans can be considered semi-formal then just learn to embrace it. 

In my interpretation semi-formal means suit and tie but typically non-black suit and the tie can have color/pattern; formal is a charcoal or black suit with white shirt and neutral tie and black tie is a tux. But it’s just that, my interpretation, and I’m not going to side eye someone who shows up wearing something else as long as they are clean, tidy, and clearly have made an effort to present themselves well. If that means clean jeans to them and they feel happy and confident in the outfit – great!

 

Post # 57
Member
951 posts
Busy bee

I think it is up to each individual bridal couple to decide what is appropriate for their own wedding. 

Post # 58
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I specifically noted in our wedding website “No Denims”. However, my husband’s cousing still decided to wear denim pants and denim blazer. Thankfully, ti’s dark colored so I didn’t notice it on the day of the wedding. I only found out about it when I was looking at the pictures.

Post # 59
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

I understand where you are coing from. I put on the website a kind of humerous but helpful tips.  from accommodations to transportation to what to wear. andthen I did a little funny interpretation or defining of semi formal but made it clear you were chosen to attend by so and so because you are the friend so mostimportant show up ready to have fun and celebaratewith a smile.

 

No matter what youu do or say some will not get the message or truly not understand.  Andin the end they still are your friends and  you invited them for a reason.

Post # 60
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
michaella93 :  I hear you! This is definitely a geo-cultural thing because in NY where I’m from everyone dresses up for weddings. I have never ever heard of or seen anyone wear jeans at a wedding. I agree with PP’s that it should be dependent on venue…I think if you have your wedding at an upscale venue and write “cocktail attire” or “semi-formal” on the invite people will get it. I don’t think it’s snobby to inform people of the dress code. 

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