(Closed) Jeans at a wedding – no.

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 61
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

What the heck? I’m from the Midwest (Michigan) and have NEVER seen or even heard of people wearing jeans to a wedding! I’ve never even seen pictures of it on Facebook. I wouldn’t like that either, even if they were “nice” jeans. I see no problem with putting semi-formal on the invites 🙂 Good luck, Bee!

Post # 62
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t see not wanting people to wear jeans (even nice jeans) at your wedding as a “vision” thing. 

Fashion is an etiquette thing, and etiquette is regional and time based. The formal of today wouldn’t look right in French Court of the 1600s. 

In parts of the world today,  jeans (even nice ones) have a formality level that maxes out at “going to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory”— you can’t wear them to work, you can’t wear them to work parties, you can’t wear them to fancy restaurants, and you most definitely do not wear them to weddings or funerals. If you’ve grown up under those rules of fashion, then people wearing jeans to your wedding just seems bizarre. I imagine it’s what people would think in regions where jeans are acceptable if someone showed up in gym shorts or their pajamas– sure you’re happy they’re there, but what? 

Ill or elderly people are usually exempt from etiquette rules. I’m pretty sure if I was dying and showed up to work in jeans people would let it slide, but as I am young and healthy it’s not acceptance. 

 

Post # 63
Member
3653 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You can put whatever you like on your invites, but that doesn’t mean people will follow it or interpret it their own way.

I would never wear jeans to a wedding, and I didn’t expect anyone to show up to my wedding wearing jeans but sure enough, one of my guests did. It wasn’t a big deal at all. I made the observation and moved on with the day. I was just happy he came hundreds of miles to support DH and I.

Post # 64
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’d lie on the invite and say “The venue does not allow male guests in jeans or without a collared shirt and jacket.”

There. Put it on the venue instead of on the bride.

Post # 65
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Putting ‘cocktail attire’ on the invite might lead a few guests to think: “OK! Mah drinkin’ clothes!”

Post # 66
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
sapphire27 :  In her defense, they were black, and she wore a nice top, but she claimed she didn’t own anything else. Which isn’t true because 1)the weekend before she went shopping with my other SIL and documented the whole thing on FB. 2)She wears slacks/trousers to work EVERY DAY. 

Post # 67
Member
1593 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t see any harm in putting a dress code on the invitations. I see it all the time and the only people who freak out over it are the people obsessed with etiquette. It’s hard to see why putting a dress code at the bottom of an invitation is offensive in any way. I think it’s helpful as a guest to know what to wear so you don’t stand out like a sore thumb for either under dressing or over dressing. Not everyone knows all the venues so you can’t rely on people to figure out the dress code based on the venue. That would just require more work from the guest to figure that out. Make it easy for them and put the dress code on the invite. The people who don’t follow it will stand out and look out of place, but at least you know you made the effort. I personally haven’t seen jeans at a wedding, but if I showed up to a wedding and there were some people in jeans, I would assume I had overdressed and didn’t get the memo about it being casual.

Post # 68
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

The men in my family follow this dress code – it’s either your work jeans or your other jeans…..nothing in between and nothing other than the 2.

 

Post # 69
Member
42 posts
Newbee

I’m with OP on this. to me, it just does not seem respectful to wear jeans to a wedding, unless specifically told that casual dress is permitted or encouraged. I would say something like “Formal or cocktail attire is preferred” on the invitations.

My fiance’s father is 83 years old and is insisting on wearing shorts and flip flops to our wedding. He has COPD and walks with a cane and says that it’s just too hard to put on pants and besides, he doesn’t own any. My fiance has offered to buy him a pair and help dress him (if he is able to pull on a pair of zipper/button fly shorts , then how are pants any different?) but he is too stubborn and prideful and will not budge. He just says “leave me out of the pictures” when it was brought up that we want him to be dressed nice for the family wedding pictures.

I don’t want his dad to be uncomfortable,  but this does not seem to be a threat to his health since fiance has offered to dress him so I can’t help but be bothered and feel like he is being extremely selfish!

Post # 70
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

View original reply
michaella93 :  in my area jeans only happen at a wedding if there is a casual dress code. I find putting a dress code on the invitation to be appropriate so people know what to wear. I’ve been to casual,  semi-formal, formal, and black tie weddings. I have dressed a bit differently based on dress code. I see no issue with writing a dress code. However, if he has someone comingfrom his hometown that shows up in nice jeans and a button up shirt, I wouldn’t be offended if that’s their “semi-formal” attire.

Post # 71
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

While some people say that it is poor etiquette to include a dress code, at the end of the day, I don’t see a problem wiht putting the dress code on the invitations.  We have our dress code (even specifying no jeans) on our website.

Post # 72
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Hmmm. This is a tough one. I think it’s a culture divide. I think you’re getting offended wrongfully. They want to be comfortable and happy in order to celebrate you. They are just who they are. Don’t you want that? For them to just be themselves and not have to change to appeal to you?

Certain clothing isn’t required for them to show gratitude and to have a wonderful time. Would you really want some of his dear family members to have to go shopping, spend their hard earned dollars for clothing they possibly aren’t comfortable or confident and, and then possibly never wear again?

They might even just look awful if they have no fashion sense and just pick something that is not properly fitted (like men in suits off the rack at the last minute). Then you’d probably judge them for that so they can’t win.  

I understand where you’re coming from and why. But I think you need to not see it as personal. It isn’t. At least I wouldn’t think so. Just let them be themselves. 

I hope I’m not coming off as bitchy. I’d never make this offense and I’m from the Midwest. (Although I believe South Carolina would be the South and not the Midwest). However, I know my dad would simply not go if he felt he had to buy “some special clothes to be fancy enough for you” ..so I was writing with his perspective in mind. Don’t flame me. 😉 

Post # 73
Member
2549 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

The jeans at the wedding thing annoys me. My husband and I eloped with our children and his parents in attendance. And while his parents did ask what they should wear, and I did respond that they could wear whatever they like, I didn’t actually expect his dad to wear blue jeans. And I’m sure that his parents would have dressed up a little more, if only I had given them better directions. They are from the Midwest and, I assume, they have attended weddings where the norm is blue jeans. Me being from the West Coast, it never occurred to me that blue jeans were even an option. Lesson learned.

Post # 74
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

If you’re marrying cross culturally you need to learn to compromise.

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