(Closed) Jeans, really?! You've got to be kidding me!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2037 posts
Buzzing bee

Any chance he’s got a SO in his life to set him straight lol?  Some guys are just clueless, even more so if it’s their first wedding.

Post # 4
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ugh that guy sounds annoying! Sorry…I have no advice!

Post # 5
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@sofialovesmikey:  Ok, wow, I would FLIP. A random guest, fine can’t do anything about that. Your BIL, who will be in many many pictures, who knows how important this day is, insits on wearing jeans…. yeah….. I would have a serious problem with that. The part that would anger me the most, how that conversation went, seriously? That little passive aggresive guilt trip at the end would make me turn into a “bridezilla” in the blink of an eye (personally I don’t feel it would be irrational at all hence the “)

What’s his problem??? It’s his little brother’s wedding for crying out loud!!!!  Ugh, what a jerk. Has he ever gone to a wedding before? Is there any reason for him being a little kid about this? Personally, I would feel as if he were undermining the whole event, not just the wedding but the whole marriage deal, as in: “you guys commiting to each othr for life is kinda important so I’ll wear my good pair of jeans but not dress pants, it’s not like you were elected president or anything important”. Maybe he’s trying to piss you off on purpose? And who does he think is wearing khakis?!?! 

Unfortunately I think there is three ways to deal with this:

1. Have Future Father-In-Law simply coerce him into wearing appropriate clothing.

2. Have a serious talk about how disrespectful and a douchebag move that would be

3. Let him know that unless he dresses up he would be cordially invited to not attend the wedding (although I’m angry about guests of my own right now and would LOVE to do this, so that might be some transference lol) 

Post # 6
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sofialovesmikey:  Have you thought maybe he can’t afford to get anything new and this is the most formal thing he has right now? I know it’s frustrating, but maybe you should toss the ‘guys don’t know about clothes lol’ stereotypes aside for a moment and think about your FBIL’s side of this.

Maybe he is just clueless about clothes and your rage over his attire has embarassed and upset him. If you’re really concerned about this then call him up and nicely offer to take him shopping for something to wear. If you can’t take him then get your Future Mother-In-Law or Future Father-In-Law to do it. There are plenty of ways around this but offending Future Brother-In-Law and making him feel dumb is not going to help. 


Post # 7
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

On the day of, I guarentee you won’t notice if he shows up naked.

It’s going to go by too fast for you to even care.

Post # 8
397 posts
Helper bee

@sofialovesmikey:  Unfortunately when people are like this they can NOT be changed, persuaded, convinced, bribed etc….

My FI’s brother came back to Michigan for his second marriage (because when he got married the first time he didn’t even tell his family until 2 weeks after the fact) he now lives 2000 miles away, so it was a destination wedding.  They got married on Mackinaw Island, which is absolutely beautiful, and his mom and sister both wore jean capri’s, but his sister wore a HARLEY t-shirt!!!

This is a picture of where they got married.  (Off of the hotels website, not personal)  And HUGE, sorry!

Post # 9
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@sofialovesmikey:  Our wedding cost over $75,000, was VERY formal, in the evening and I had had several conversations with close friends about the dress code…it was even indicated on our wedding website that jeans and khakis were a no no. That being said the Darling Husband of one of my close friends showed up in jeans. I was annoyed when I saw him but just had to let it go.

The budget, location, time or warnings don’t matter. People will wear what they want regardless of how inappropriate it is. It really is obnoxious but just can’t be helped.

Post # 10
7739 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sofialovesmikey:  It sucks, but you can’t force him to wear a suit. Just like you can’t force him to attend.

He’ll look out of place, but that’s his problem.

Since he’ll be wearing a button down shirt (not a T shirt), I don’t think he’ll look too bad in the photos.

I think you’ve said all you can say, and it’s time to stop worrying and let this one go.

Post # 11
973 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Hyperventilate:  “On the day of, I guarentee you won’t notice if he shows up naked.

It’s going to go by too fast for you to even care.”

This!  You can ask him nicely, you can tell him, but at the end of the day he’s going to do what he’s going to do and if it looks bad it’s on him not you.  Pick your battles, there’s plenty of them and who needs more stress for a wedding!
Personally, I told people (who asked what to wear) what we were wearing and told them I didn’t care what they wore as long as they showed up but didn’t show up naked. I think I’d have noticed that, though if they ran naked past us in the ceremony itself I probably wouldn’t have noticed!  🙂

Post # 13
9202 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

It sounds like you’ve done everything you can to dissuade him and it hasn’t worked. I would suggest just letting it go at this point. When you look back on your wedding prep, do you want to remember happy anticipation, or being all pissed about one persn’s potential outfit? I know it’s irritating, but is just not worth it

PS, we spent $17,000 on our wedding, there were a handful of guys in jeans, and I hardly noticed / did not care. I was too blissfully happy to get caught up in that kind of minutiae. Hope you have the same experience!

Post # 14
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@sofialovesmikey:  He sounds irritating as hell. I guess the only good thing is that there won’t be *too* many pics with him since he isn’t in the bridal party. Someone wore ivory to my wedding which I think is rude, but I actually only recently noticed because of photos & I don’t even care lol. It only sort of “ruined/messed up” 2 pics 😛

Post # 15
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@sofialovesmikey:  He’ll look like a fool, and you’ll be vindicated that he looks like a fool.  Be glad you’re marrying the good son, it sounds like your Fiance handled the situation beautifully 🙂

Post # 16
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Cheers to your Fiance for being so diplomatic and trying to arrange the situation! However, it sounds like his brother is just trying to annoy you, stress you out, or make sure the day isn’t perfect lol. maybe he just doesn’t want his brother to be happier than him? anyway, make sure he is in the back row so that his pants don’t show on the pictures :). good luck!

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