(Closed) Jeans, really?! You've got to be kidding me!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

He sounds like an idiot.

I think a nice pair of black slacks and a tie is due for a Christmas present…

Post # 33
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Oh man. While I agree with PP that this is just one of those things we’re going to have to let go, this also drives me crazy. I’m in the same boat, but it’s my mom (yes, Mother of the Bride) who is refusing to find a dress for the wedding. She’s going with an old pair of (ill-fitting) dress pants and a fancy t-shirt. Her justification is that she’s worn this same outfit to three other weddings and it looked fine then, so it’ll be fine now.

Yeah, I know. I sound like a whiny brat. Can’t tell adults what to wear, etc. But she’s the MoB and she’s going to be in a number of pictures. Why–why?!?– as a family member and integral part of the wedding, can’t she bother with trying to match the formality of the event?

Sorry, rant over, done threadjacking. Try to breathe through it, OP. You really won’t notice on the day of anyways, I bet.

Post # 34
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I think your fiance needs to tell him he is required to wear at least dress pants and a button down. Your fiance says more than once “you can wear whatever you want…..” and just says “I suggest you wear this.” He needs to just say flat out, you are required to wear this.. Period. No suggestions, no wear what you want, because obviously he is taking that to heart and planning to wear what he wants…jeans! 

Does you Fiance have a pair of pants he can loan to this brother for the day? Or perhaps even an old pair that could get fitted for him? It sucks, but you also might have to just go out and buy him a pair of pants. That $ will be worth the nice photos later. 

 

Post # 35
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

He sounds like a tool but I’d just let it go – people are going to notice him and he will just look bad.

I didn’t notice until someone pointed it out to me, but at our semi-formal evening wedding, my MOH’s husband showed up in blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and white sneakers. Their 2 kids were dressed up, and my Maid/Matron of Honor was in a floor length-gown. People brought it up to me for weeks, so it’s obviously something that other guests pick up on. I don’t really know what he was thinking lol, but you know, whatever – it is what it is, there’s really nothing you can do about it. I never even mentioned it to him or my Maid/Matron of Honor because really, who cares?

It does look a little silly when I look through our photos though, especially when he’s next to his wife. Oh well!

I’d just be glad that you seem to be marrying a very diplomatic, even-keel fella!

Post # 36
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@j_jaye: +1 You almost always say what I’m thinking  

OP, Maybe he’s just being irritating on purpose because he thinks it’s funny to watch you explode over something as silly as a pair of pants. He’s not in the Bridal party, so you really CAN’T tell him what to wear. If you’re that concerned about family pictures maybe your Fiance can nicely ask if he can bring a nice pair of pants just for pictures and then he can change back into the jeans. 

I know it’s hard to see this now, but you really won’t give a shit about what anyone else is wearing once the day actually gets here. My DH’s grandpa changed into a bright orange hunting vest at some point in the evening. I didn’t notice and looking back at the pictures now it’s actually kind of funny. 

 

Post # 37
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

This is a peeve of mine, too.  A few weeks ago we attended a party at a nice restaurant, and I had to convince my husband that a t-shirt, Crocs and a hoodie were not appropriate.  He actually tried to argue it with me.  When I pulled out a dress shirt for him, his response was “Uh, that’s so NICE.”.  Yeah, that’s kind of the point, honey.

 

It’s rude of your Future Brother-In-Law, but at a certain point you have to throw in the towel.  If you absolutely cannot let this stand, you could show up to the wedding with a pair of slacks and have his mother shame him into changing into them.  In the end, if he wants to look like a jackass, that’s his right.  It’ll reflect upon him, not you.

Post # 38
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

That is wierd and annoying. But I would ignore it. It seriously does not matter what he is wearing, you won’t care or notice the day of your wedding. When you look back at pictures you will likely always find it strange but that’s his deal. 

Post # 39
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@veryberry13:  +1.  In this battle of good vs. evil, good (the wrath of an SO) always wins.

Post # 40
Member
4394 posts
Honey bee

This is not a real problem IMO. I’ve seen plenty of people in jeans at weddings and I always think “wow he looks klassy” and move on. This is seriously not worth getting upset about. 

Post # 41
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sofialovesmikey:  I realize this is really annoying. But, your writing up of it is HILARIOUS. 

Post # 42
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Treejewel19 + 1

 

Yep, we had the same thing happen to us.  We had people in Black Tie mixing with a few people who decided to wear jeans.  Jeans really?  A few guests thought they were wedding crashers and were going to notify security.  Oh boy. There is so much going on that day though, you’ll barely notice. Fun times!!!

 

 

 

Post # 43
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sofialovesmikey:  Get FH to take him out and treat him to a $100 charcoal suit from Men’s Wearhouse.  Get notch lapels, and a softer jacket (if possible) as that will work ok with his button down shirt, and buy him this tie for $15:

http://www.thetiebar.com/order_page.asp?pn=24365&orderPageReturn=%2FcategoryPages%2FAll_Ties%2Easp&pg=1&categoryIds=31,62,67&optionValueIds=

And for the love of God I hope he already owns black shoes.  Perhaps explain to him that, dressed like this, he has a better chance of hooking up in the coat room (jk).  This way, worst case is probably that he shows up in the suit with no tie.  That’s actually better than showing up in a tie and no jacket.

This will have him comfortably dressed down, he’ll own a charcoal suit for job interviews, and, as long as it fits, it’ll look good in the photos.  Then, on your honeymoon, get a postcard in a city where you have a connection, send it anonymously just saying “OMG YOU SUCK!” 😛 (jk about that last part too)

But really, have FH take him out, as a surprise, and get him a suit.  Most men who go “I hate suits” have never put on a great one, that fit well, and looked in the mirror.  It’s like liquid sexy painted all over your body.  Oh, and get him a Barney Stinson motivational poster.

Post # 44
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Augh – it is always disappointing to see people in jeans at formal weddings. However – it doesn’t sound like there is much you can do about it, so it isn’t worth stressing about. Plus – he said they were dark jeans? There’s a chance that they won’t stand out as much as you might think they will – that at least sounds better than lighter ones! Smile

Post # 45
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I agree, but him a suit. If you’ve hinted to him that you’ve spent a lot of money, he may really apprecieate that you guys did that for him. Make him feel special and involved and not forgotten. He may very well be bitter that he isn’t the Best Man or something, you have to think that this is going to be your brother and you need to make him happy. It sucks, I know, but it may mean more to him than you think.

 

Post # 46
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

You can’t dictate what your guests wear. If he does show up in jeans, he will look bad and not you guys. 

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