(Closed) Jeans, really?! You've got to be kidding me!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My friend’s dad wore jeans and a button down camo shirt to our wedding. I noticed,  but what are you going to do? In the end it had no effect on my day although my father was pretty annoyed. 

Post # 63
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@sofialovesmikey:  Unfortunately, you have already done everything you could do.  Now you can only hope he listens.  Sorry. 

Post # 64
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sofialovesmikey:  Well, he did say you could go shopping for him. Perfect! Now find out his size. If he refused to go with you, get some stuff in similar sizes, bring to his house, make him try them on, return the rest. Make sure you get appropriate shoes, belt, tie, and shirt/undershirt.

Post # 65
2274 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just, for the record, I noticed who didn’t bother to get dressed for my wedding, and it did bother me.  It was more of a passing thought of “… ass.  Expected as much.”  It did not weigh on me all day, and it did not ruin the wedding.  But I noticed, and I cared.  There was also a distinct difference in how I felt about people who were dressed up by their own standards (i.e. clearly put an effort into looking nice) and people who just threw on what they would wear any old day.  The latter are the ones that bothered me.

Post # 66
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@sofialovesmikey:  we had one guest wear jeans to our wedding… I hardly noticed, and really, he’s the one who looked like a fool… I say let him wear what he wants, as it is ultimately not going to ruin your day.

Post # 67
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

@sofialovesmikey:  I totally get your pre wedding freak out. I would have been in the same boat. However, myBIL wore jeans from K mart, a stained shirt from walmart, and his ddad’s blazer from 1964. You know what? I didn’t notice.  Not in the day of or in any of the photos. We had a super nice wedding and honestly it didn’t matter.


My other Brother-In-Law came to the reception in cargo shorts and I loved it. His pants split chasing after his 2 year old and we were laughing at his undies poking through his pants. I was happy he was a great sport through the photos and was not mooning everyone at the reception.

Post # 68
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sofialovesmikey:  I don’t think you should worry about it too much. Yeah you want a certain look, but you can’t control what people wear and it’s not likely that it’ll actually ruin your day. My cousin’s husband showed up in jeans. I noticed it, thought it was odd, but beyond that it really didn’t bother me. He was in the family pictures and he didn’t stand out at all because there were so many people. In the grand scheme of things it’s not the worst thing that could happen.

Post # 69
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just attended a wedding where a guest at our table was wearing cargo pants and an old, black hooded sweatshirt…I think the bride and groom were too happy and occupied to notice, but I’m sure other people did.  yikes.

Post # 70
1742 posts
Bumble bee

@chercee:  I agree with your sentiments here.  An event, particuarly a formal one, is a contract between host (please accept this term to mean a host of either gender) and guest.  The majority of the duty and responsibility are on the host, of course, but this does not mean that the guest has to just appear.  I encourage all of my students–who come from a variety of economic situations–to save up a little at a time and to take advantage of thrift stores, consignment stores, etc. and acquire a few classic, well-made formal pieces that can serve them for years if they are well-maintained.  I tell them that I know that they probably won’t use the clothes more than a few times a year, but that they will feel more comfortable and will be meeting some of their responsibility as a guest if they have some formal pieces to turn to when they receive these invitations.

Post # 71
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

You guys mentioned it, now let it go. If you think  that buying him a suit will gurantee he will wear it, I think your setting yourself up for disappointment. You cant contol people, only your reaction to what they do. On your wedding day he should the least of your concerns.

Post # 72
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MarriedToMyWork:  Exactly. I wish more people got this. We live in such a super-casual society these days, that people seem to think they don’t have any responsibility to show respect for their host. (Gee – I remember back in the day of having to put on my church clothes to go to the doctor…am I that old?)

Post # 73
1204 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

I agree with the PPs who think you need to let it go. I do think it sucks and he’s being rude, but you need to stop spending so much time stressing out about it. people might look at him funny, but that’s his problem. it’s not going to ruin anything, nor is it going to ruin your guest’s opinion of the wedding. 

if he needs to be in some group photos, have everyone cluster together and make him stand in the back.

Post # 74
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ek.. he sounds rude. That said – it’d take him up on the offer to go shopping (get something cheap!) or perhaps you know someone who is a similar size who will let you borrow something for him.

If it bothers you so much, fix it. It’s not worth fighting over and/or holding a grudge against a new family member.

Post # 75
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Ya’ll aren’t being straight up with him enough. It’s like you’re trying to avoid hurting his feelings. Just tell him, he’s not allowed to dress like that at your wedding. You do not wear jeans to most and especially of all this kind of wedding!!!

I was appalled when my SIL and her husband wore regular street clothes to my FI’s cousins wedding. My SIL’s excuse was the dress she bought didn’t fit right. (Well of course, because she didn’t even bother trying it on!!!)

Post # 76
5622 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I totally agree this isn’t a huge thing to stress over. You can’t control what your guests wear, all you can do is try to push them in the right direction, which you’ve done.

I’ll be happy if my guests show, I know some of them don’t have or cant afford fancy clothes, and that’s fine. I would just like them to enjoy my special day!

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