(Closed) jelousy over FI.. :/ is it really that bad? (long,sorry)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@young.bride:

I think jealousy often stems from insecurity.

Is it possible that because if your fiance was a “player” before, your jealousy is coming from a subconscious fear that because of how you dress publicly (and I assume you’re also waiting for marriage to be sexually intimate with your fiance) that you can’t “compete” with women who dress sexy in public and don’t have any religious or moral prohibitions against sex outside marriage? Not necessarily a fear that he may break the engagement, but that maybe a fear that he desires a woman like that?

It doesn’t sound like your fiance has done anything to make you feel that he wants to be with someone else, so maybe this isn’t about him so much as how you feel about yourself?

Post # 4
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I honestly find this type of behavior very unhealthy and devastating to a relationship. Your Fiance is human, he will interact with other women. You need to get over this immediately or it will effect your relationship, marriage and sanity.

Post # 6
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I honestly find this type of behavior very unhealthy and devastating to a relationship. Your Fiance is human, he will interact with other women. You need to get over this immediately or it will effect your relationship, marriage and sanity.

Post # 7
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If you want to trust him, you have to DECIDE to trust him. You will never know everything he does when you’re not around. You will never know every thought that goes through his head. Trying to find out every little thing he said and did when not in your presence is impossible, and so you will always feel like you’re missing something. The next time he goes out without you and you start to feel the jealousy rising, you have to tell yourself VERY firmly, “I trust this man.” Keep doing it, and eventually you won’t even need to tell yourself anymore.

I understand the horrible jealousy. I felt that way about a boyfriend I had a few years ago. Like your husband, he was often very flirtatious just for fun without intending it to go anywhere, and I would start fuming. My strategy? Smugness. Everytime he’d be just a little too friendly with a lady, I’d assume a crooked smile and a raised eyebrow and think to myself, “Yeah, you may think you’re going to get somewhere, but you are SOOOOOO wrong. You go ahead and flirt with him all you want. I know what he likes, and it’s me. i know who he’s going home with tonight.” It worked.

Post # 9
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You really NEED to stop. Your jealous over his mother and sister?! Not trying to be mean but that’s just plain nut’s. This can eventually drive your guy away. My guy now, told me his ex was like this. She would be jealous over everyone and even his two female cousins. Which he thought was crazy. What did she think would happen with his cousins? I mean for goodness sakes their family. He hated this and said it was sufficating and one of the reason’s he broke it off with her. He’s a good man and isn’t the flirty kind. My Fi has also told me how happy he is that I’m not like that. I’m not saying I NEVER get jealous. But it is very rare that I am. It’s ironic that most women can look at another girl and say to herself wow she’s pretty but then if her guy notices that, he’s in big trouble. There will always be attractive people out there. There is nothing wrong with noticing that. It’s human nature. My only rule is: don’t disrepect me by gawking. Look but don’t stare. The amount of jealousy you have seems very unhealthy.

Post # 10
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@littlebearmel: She said the few women she’s not jealous of are his sisters and mother.

Post # 12
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry, I miss read that part. I take back the nutty comment. All you can do is to try and work on it if you feel it’s overboard.  I wasn’t aware that it was part of your religion not to speak to the opposite sex. At least you know it’s a problem which I think is the first step to fixing it.

Post # 13
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Not talking to the other sex is unavoidable. You’re going to destroy your sanity and marriage if you continue to question him and harbor these feelings.

I don’t mean to sound rude, but do you live in America? In my experience, I see a lot of men and women who flrt/act nice towards the opposite sex and have ZERO interest in pursuing anything. It’s natural human interaction to smile at someone or be pleasant.

If anything, letting your Fiance talk to another female will emphasis how much he loves you.

Do you talk to men? Does he question you everytime you go out?

Post # 14
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think jealousy it’s a big problem, but I do understand your point. We all feel insecure at one point or another and I think maybe your religion (the way you dress and not being used to talk to men) adds to your insecurity, but he is gonna marry (already married? I didn’t understand the part about the islamic ceremony sorry) for a reason and you should try to be reasonable and stop the jealosy, it’s normal for him to talk to other woman. I wish you can do it, cause it can seriously damage your relationship.

Post # 15
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Also could it be that your jealousy is what makes you think that his cousins are flirting with him? Maybe they are just being friendly because their related.  I just don’t see why it would matter how goodlooking a family member is…he is STILL family. I think most people would agree that they do not flirt with people in their own family. (Gross!) lol

Post # 16
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

i understand how you feel. I get jelous too but the only difference between me and you is i NEVER show it too him, i have too much pride, i kno not a good excuses but it makes me feel better when i kno he think i dont care at all and that boosts up my confidence. 

 

word of advice, he wants you and only you, He said it himself your the most beautiful girl he has seen. So take that and keep reminding yourself just that. 

 

Guys really dont like when were all up on them and ask them questions, its gets annyoing.

 

so try to cut it down a tad and youll notice a big differnce. 

 

 

just be happy , your engaged to your hansome man πŸ˜‰ enjoy this time with him and learn how to let go of useless insecruties because they tent to take a toll on a person and a relationship after time. 

 

 

Goodluck πŸ™‚

The topic ‘jelousy over FI.. :/ is it really that bad? (long,sorry)’ is closed to new replies.

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