"Jen" the Work Wife Update — one year later (brief update)

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
4865 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Well, as long as you’re happy.

I would have been celebrating a year of blissful singleness by now but I’ve seen plenty of people stick with shitty relationships all their life. 

Good luck then.

Post # 3
2235 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I remember your original post. Glad you’ve updated. The way you talk about your exercise friend makes it sound like it could be a man. Is that the case? If so, I’d be really careful about that. Commiserating and sharing too much about your marital issues with a dude is how emotional affairs begin…. ironically. You won’t think it’s a possibility until it’s happening.  (I have lots of guy friends, his gender alone is not the issue.)

As for the rest, well, rug-sweeping isn’t the best way to deal with infidelity because it’s never actually dealt with. He’s just being more secretive now and you’re just bottling up your emotions, and those aren’t a permanent solution. But, best of luck to you, sincerely. 

Post # 4
2835 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

wifeconflicted :   That wouldn’t work for me but I do appreciate the update….Good luck!

Post # 6
8547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

wifeconflicted :  to be honest I don’t think I would be truly happy in this situation but best of luck to you. 

Post # 8
2235 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

wifeconflicted :  Well, that is exactly how it happens. The “we would never cross that line” and his committed marriage creating a false sense of security, and the only opening up to him because you can’t talk to mutual friends about your husband, and everything. It’s textbook. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you… 

Post # 9
5048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

Am I understanding correctly that you and your husband have quietly agreed to carry on emotional affairs while remaining married to one another?  I too get the vibe that your workout partner is a man.

How long do you feel this agreement will last or do you plan on allowing it to play out?  Is this all for the sake of your child, to put on a facade that everything is happy and okay?

I feel like your update contains a lot of denial.  Perhaps I am interpreting it incorrectly.

ETA: Just read some of your further posts.  Have you met your workout partners wife? I would hope she isn’t forming an opinion of you, the same one you had formed of Jen.

Post # 10
1958 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Thanks for the update. I too remember your original post, and I’m sorry that this is still going on in any capacity.

I hope you continue to be happy in what you’ve chosen.

Post # 12
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It still seems like life is too short to put up with that. But I am glad you’ve found happiness and I hope your marriage continues to make both of you happy.

ETA- I can’t keep my reply that short. I tried and failed.

What do you think your daughter is going to grow up thinking? “Oh, my Daddy talks to Jen every night until bedtime.” She’s going to grow up knowing that you stayed with him despite this long term emotional affair. Or worse, what if she grows up thinking that this is normal behavior? What if she grows up to accept this same crap from her husband?

You feel better about things because now you’ve got a male friend to confide in. Instead of fixing your husband’s problem, you’ve taken steps toward sinking down to his level. It’s not healthy. A distraction and a hobby is great, but it doesn’t change that your husband and Jen are both being awful people.

I really do hope your happy. But I gotta say, I’m 99% sure you’d be giving a happier update if you would have left him a year ago.

Post # 13
9853 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State


Okay, now I’m actually going to read the update. 


ETA: Read the update.

Post # 15
9212 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yeah… methinks we’ll see a post from gym buddy’s wife soon about “wifeconflicted” the Gym Wife.

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