"Jen" the Work Wife Update — one year later (brief update)

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 256
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

wifeconflicted :  …OP what’s up?? lol what’s happened?? Good news hopefully!

Post # 257
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I love this shit show thread.

work wife Jen. 

Gym wife Sally. 

I love this day that I got to read this. 

Post # 258
Member
754 posts
Busy bee

 

I had started following this thread a long time ago and I just received an alert for this.

OMG! I can’t believe this sh*t is still going on! surprised

The one and only victim in this whole debacle is the little daughter. And I feel badly for her. cry

Post # 259
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

OP what’s the plan here? I’m just wondering as clearly the situation you outline can’t continue forever. It sounds like you’re in limbo xo

Post # 260
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Dang OP, you forreal are gonna leave us hanging like that??? Something MUST have happened by now… Have you met the wife?? Has your clown of a husband kicked that skag to the curb & you guys now have a wonderful marriage & Gym buddy has gonna back to his own wife & she’s miraculously healed, back & better than ever?! Lol WE NEED CLOSURE!! Until then this thread is forever on my favorites tab 😛

Post # 262
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

wifeconflicted :  Ugh gross. I hope you have a long and happy open relationship OP. Beacuse that’s what this is, whether any of you will actually admit it. 

Post # 263
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee

wifeconflicted :  Definitely sounds like an open marriage on both ends. However, if your Darling Husband finds out you’re cheating there could be ramifications during the divorce process. Just be aware of this.We want the best for you.

Post # 264
Member
5558 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

wifeconflicted :  

So he’s been more attentive to you. He probably got into a fight with “Jen” and is now giving you attention instead

Don’t be his fall back girl

Post # 265
Member
5558 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

And sitting there while he whines about his wife and giving him a shoulder to cry on about it is just absolutely gross.

Post # 266
Member
5923 posts
Bee Keeper

wifeconflicted :  “his wife knows about me  because she was there when he got the text, but that is as much as our spouses know of the other person at this point.”

You know there’s another thread going on at the moment where the wife was aware of his texts from the other woman and she’d be there when he received them. It ripped her heart out, you might want to go read that thread and gain some insight as to the toll your own actions could have on someone else. 

You claim neither of you want to leave your spouses for each other. That right there shows this is not a friendship, because this isn’t the kind of conversation platonic friends have. You truly don’t have intentions of leaving your husband for Gym Buddy at the moment because your husband is being more attentive recently. But if your husband left you for Jen, all bets would be off and you wouldn’t even pause to consider what this would do to his wife who is, I’m sure, already suspecting an emotional affair at the very least. 

Can we at least be honest enough to call Gym Buddy what he really is, Back Burner Guy?

Post # 267
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

So basically you’re both still intent on destroying your marriage. What happened to you cutting off gym buddy? I thought you had finally seen the light. SMH

Post # 268
Member
1221 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Wow, uh . . . I’d be okay if “gym buddy’s” wife knew everything about your sordid relationship and was okay with it, an open marriage isn’t an issue when everybody understands the rules and roles.

But as things are, it’s very sketchy what you seem to have rationalized in your head. I don’t wish ill toward you, but I certainly don’t wish happiness for you, either. You’re emotionally very immature, but I guess your life has more to teach you.

Post # 269
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I know you don’t feel *at this point* that either of you will leave your spouses for each other.  That is the whole point of what I posted 18 pages ago.  That’s why they call it a slippery slope.  Because you don’t realize that you’re on the slope, and you don’t realize that you don’t have any control over slipping further and further over the line of what is inappropriate.  You will get closer and closer to Workout Buddy, it will continue to develop into an emotional affair, and it will likely morph into a physical affair.

Can you honestly say that none of these characteristics apply to your relationship with Workout Buddy?  Even this list this shows the progression of the slippery slope…. you start with the first few, and then soon you can check them all off the list.  From https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-youre-having-an-emotional-affair-2303079

  • Frequent contact when you are not together. You frequently communicate with this person and at questionable hours. You devote a lot of time texting, emailing, or video calling this person.
  • You discuss very personal topics, such as the problems in your current relationship. You share all or most of your problems and concerns with this person. As you do this, you also grow more discontent with your spouse.
  • This person takes over your thoughts.  You think about him or her constantly. This person is on your mind when you wake up in the morning, when you go to sleep at night, and a lot of time in between. You have this person in mind when you are getting dressed, hoping he or she will notice your appearance. 
  • You spend a lot of time together. You find excuses or create reasons to spend time with him or her. 
  • He or she becomes the first person you want to call with any “news.” You have some exciting news to share or you have had a bad day and this is the person whom you call. You may not be sharing much at all with your spouse anymore.
  • You believe this person really “gets” you. You start to feel like he or she really understands you, even better than your spouse. 
  • You start to lie or keep secrets. This usually entails lying by omission. If you purposely do not tell your spouse about your talks, meetings, lunches, texts and phone calls, alarm bells should be ringing! Are you deleting messages from your phone or do you deny the communication you have with him/her when asked? If you are hiding things or lying when you know deep down that the behavior is not okay. Would you be mortified if your spouse heard a taped conversation between you two?
  • You frequently compare your spouse to him or her. You may get angry with your spouse for not doing things like the other person does. You start to idealize this person while your partner begins to look worse in your eyes. You may find yourself being more critical of your spouse. This is sure to create a good guy/bad guy dynamic between these two people.
  • Your spouse gets less of you while your special person gets more. Whether it is less communication, affection, your thoughts, or your innermost world, your time and focus are taken from your partner and transferred to this other person.
Post # 270
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee

 Food incentives? As in you two will go out to eat to celebrate when you achieve a goal? Like on dates? Lol. 

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