"Jen" the Work Wife Update — one year later (brief update)

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 271
768 posts
Busy bee

This is a trainwreck I’m not getting any joy from reading. I’m just so sad. I need to promise myself to not check up on this thread anymore. Good luck girl. Remember, if it quacks like a duck, it looks like a duck, and swims like a duck… It probably is a duck. Even if you don’t call it a duck. 

Post # 272
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

curiouscat2017 :  Yeah, that’s so transparent, it’s idiotic undecided  Not to mention food rewards for workouts seems really counter-productive. 

Post # 273
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

KittyYogi :  “

  • Your spouse gets less of you while your special person gets more. Whether it is less communication, affection, your thoughts, or your innermost world, your time and focus are taken from your partner and transferred to this other person. “

This whole list is spot on, but this last point also goes with what curiouscat2017 :  pointed out with their lame ‘food incentives’ plan. 

So Gym Guy aka Back Burner Guy will take OP out for a nice lunch because she achieved a personal goal in spin class or mastered a new position in yoga? Highly doubtful he gives his wife this kind of attention. So if this isn’t CLASSIC ‘give your mistress your A game and your wife the sloppy seconds’ I don’t know what is. 

I felt sorry for you in the last thread OP, even if you were maddeningly obtuse, but I’m liking you less and less in this one. 

Post # 274
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Damn. Well i guess I can’t be mad at you OP… i wanted you to post, & well, you did it.
But yea no, not at all what “we” wanted to hear.

RobbieAndJuliahaha : what thread is it??… I’m following a similar one, but I’d like to read the one you found. I’ll be honest, some of these womens’ stories make me wanna punch all of humanity in the face & then crawl into a hole until infidelity is either punishable by law, or they invite some kind of “no cheating”chip & implant it into everyone’s brain.

It’s SO SIMPLE not to mess with other people’s spouses, &/or to not step out on your own S.O. … but NO!! Nobody can keep it in their pants anymore… something’s wrong… we did this WHOLE THING incorrectly… #doubtinghumanity crycrycry

Post # 275
11640 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015


Sometimes human nature doesn’t lend itself to the kind of fidelity some of us require in a partner.

An open marriage is fine when everyone agrees to it. It’s not okay when it hasn’t been discussed openly. A lot of passive aggressive hurting of partners in this thread, OP. 

And while I think we all agree you got treated horribly in your first thread, I personally feel you are not handling this as well as you could. I think you’re putting off the inevitable and hurting your husband passively aggressively, but on purpose for revenge. I get it. I understand the urge and the excuses.

But his wife. That’s not okay and you know it.

Find someone who loves you in a way that you don’t ever need to question them. Someone who doesn’t leave the room on his phone. Because I know how much that hurts, but it is also bs no partner should do to another. Now you’re the person getting emotional needs met elsewhere. 


Post # 276
4533 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

wifeconflicted :  By any chance are these food related incentives he speaks of a banana, an eggplant, a bratwurst or some sushi???

Post # 278
3051 posts
Sugar bee

wifeconflicted :  Despite all the pages of wise and caring advice you have received, your stubborn mindset to hold on to what is obviously a deplorable situation is astounding.

Well, if anything, you’ve reached an infamous bee status in the annals of the Wedding Bee…

Post # 279
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

You actually sound like a sociopath . . . your responses about how this is all so casual and normal are so weird.

Post # 280
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

How can you justify doing to his wife what was/is being done to you? (I mean, when you cared, before you started your Jen the gym wife affair)? 

Is it really that easy for you to ignore? You know EXACTLY what she is going through and you do it anyway. That says a lot about you, none of it good. 

Do let us know when shit hits the fan!!

Post # 281
512 posts
Busy bee

This is the most insane thread I’ve read in a long freaking time.


Post # 282
1631 posts
Bumble bee

I remember having a “we are platonic friends” convo with a friend (when we were both single) once 4 months before we slept together. 

Trying out foods the other person hasn’t tried is a date. 

And you know this 100%. 

Post # 283
2300 posts
Buzzing bee

wifeconflicted :  I gave up on this thread a long time ago, because it feels like you’re being super contrary to EVERY FREAKING THING WE SAY just to keep this shit up—and for what? Why are you even still talking about it? You know the error of your ways. We know it. Gym guy’s wife knows it. Your husband doesn’t give a fuck. You don’t give a fuck. So carry on with your shitstorm of a “friendship” and stop getting everyone’s blood pressure up. 


But like another bee said—do tell us when the shit hits the fan and *you’re* in the hot-seat this time 🤗



ETA: would you be proud if your daughter grew up to be the exact type of woman you’re being in this moment? because you’re her first role model…

Post # 284
12133 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

OP, nothing you’ve said in your update justifies your behavior. 

You are attracted to your hot friend. And LOL of course he is!  You’d “never” leave your spouses and maybe you even know he would not be your perfect match, but that’s the subtext of everything you’ve written here. Why else would the thought of leaving your spouses for one another, even to say you would never, even enter your mind? 

You already know all about the clinically depressed, medicated, overweight wife with bad knees who spends her days in bed. You can’t unknow it. Give him credit for being more subtle than to bring it up all the time. 

Even if your behavior has not yet crossed any lines, I have no doubt it would with any encouragement from you. Your justification to the contrary is that he told back when you got together that he also wanted to be platonic friends. Sure. 

Your should have put a stop to all this before it began. What you are doing is wrong, from the outside looking in or any angle. 

Yes, it’s gym friend’s responsibility and obligation to be loyal and respectful of his wife, but only someone without a heart would continue to communicate, see and arrange one on one dinner dates with the husband. 

Sometimes it’s obvious that a burger is not just a burger. 

Post # 285
5916 posts
Bee Keeper


wifeconflicted :  Can you please give me the TL:DR version of your last post. I’m assuming my reading comprehension skills are off here, because I totally missed the part where you showed any insight, awareness, guilt, or ownership as to what you’re doing to Back Burner Guy’s poor wife. 

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