(Closed) Jessa Duggar of 19 Kids and Counting is Engaged After 11 Months!

posted 5 years ago in Proposals
Post # 121
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

after this thread i read all about them campaigning for Rick Santorum, calling transgendered people child predators, and likening abortion to the holocaust.  I have some real problems wiht those things.  

Post # 122
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

HoorayLouLou:  Hey, hope this isn’t rude- I’m just curious. Did you both grow up with those roles in your homes or did you come to it later in life? I just think it’s so interesting how different people arrange their lives, do you have a link to the literature you mentioned (how to be a good wife)?

Post # 123
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

MissBNG:  It’s no problem. I really do my best to try and follow the Golden Rule. And I feel strongly that if I wouldn’t say something to someone’s face then I shouldn’t say it on the internet either.

I won’t lie, this family does elicit very strong emotions from me. I wish that I could have faith in my life the way that they do; for instance, they believe in God and seem very at peace with their beliefs. It’s something I have longed for for a long time, but it just doesn’t seem to mesh with my personality – if I can’t see proof for something then I really can’t believe.

At the same time, the fact that their beliefs preach those sort of things really bothers me. I totally understand that they have the right to raise their children how they see fit, but it bothers me because the parents aren’t doing a lot of the day to day child rearing – they leave that to their daughters, who don’t seem to get a real break until they marry and leave the nest.

What really bothers me though is the fact that they get a pass for their beliefs from a lot of people in this country because they happen to be a seemingly nice, white, Christian family. If they happened to be dark skinned Muslims who believed these things (ie. courting and daughters raising the children) I don’t think they would be afforded the same thing.

Boxerlover24: ๐Ÿ™‚ I only started researching when I saw Jill was engaged. She seemed extremely happy and they looked adorable together, so I started looking into the family. At first I thought they seemed like a very nice and normal(ish) family, but the more I looked the more I became disturbed about some of their beliefs.

That said, I still really hope that the children wind up finding happiness in their marriages and families. They’re old enough to make their own choices now and if this is what Jessa honestly wants then I truly hope that Ben is a good man who makes her happy.

Post # 124
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

HoorayLouLou:  If it works for you guys and you both treat one another with respect then that is all that counts. If you guys attempt to get laws passed that state all marriages have to be like your’s then that is a problem.

When it comes to this family (specifically), my main objection is that the children aren’t exposed to any other options. The only option for their children is to get married and have a ton of kids. Their daughters are raised to believe that bearing a ton of kids is their only purpose in life and their sons are taught that they hold supreme control over their future wife and children – taken to the extreme (which is common in ATI or Quiverful families) it can lead to abusive situations at times that can be quite difficult to escape from.

In your situation, it sounds as if you and your Darling Husband talked things over and decided this was the right path for the two of you. The Duggar children are taught that they must live this kind of lifestyle or they are a sinner. That’s a huge difference and, to be honest, I give you and your Darling Husband a lot of credit for finding something that works well for you guys. Please don’t be offended by anything anyone may have said – I’m sure that they meant the same thing that I do. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 125
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

swonderful:  Hi! Sure. So I was raised by a very old school traditional Italian grandma. I was always taught that gender role, but obviously, I knew it wasn’t the norm. I don’t think I would have been disowned or even looked at differently had I not chose to follow it. Fiance was not raised in a family like that at all. My Mother-In-Law will kick my FIL’s butt anyday. (HA!) 

So when we got together, I started doing everything…laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. We spoke about it, and I just had known that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to be the 1950’s housewife that my friends joked about. At first he was a little timid about it, but now, it’s just how we do things. 

It hasn’t been so easy, especially with other family. My Brother-In-Law often makes comments to his long time Girlfriend that why can’t she do everything for him. And she is not about that at all. 

This works for us. It doesn’t work for everyone, and I’m big on doing what suits you and your family. 

As far as the 1950’s literature, it’s laughable. Honestly. And most people think I’m nuts, but here it is. http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif 

I know our lifestyle isn’t the norm in this day and age, so I don’t mind answering questions. 

Post # 127
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!

Boxerlover24:  Thanks for clearing it up ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 128
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

HoorayLouLou:  Thanks! I’m always just curious about things like this, I think whatever works is fine. That article is pretty funny though ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 129
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

HoorayLouLou:  I agree with some of those things on that list, but don’t question him and what he has to say is more important than what I have to say? Ha! That would never happen. However, I do everything for my fiance, since I love being like his little housewife. He hasn’t done laundry or made a meal since he lived at home with his parents. All my friends think I’m crazy, but it’s what works for us.

Post # 130
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Don’t question him and recognize what he has to say is more important that what I have to say… nope, nope, nope.  FI knows with me that would never happen.  What I have to say, and what I think in regards to issues/problems/circumstances, is valuable and deserves to be respected and heard.

But I’m all for women deciding what paths fit them personally, and what lifestyle they’d like to follow.  I am not for the lifestyle the Duggars choose, which eliminates every ounce of creativity and individuality these children have with regards to careers, roles, etc etc.  

Post # 132
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

GirlyGirl24:  I actually LOVE her dress. Her sister Jills wa altered and it looked weird..you can be modest and still look good//non frumpy.

Regardless of the dress…I still am SMH at them. Hope it works out for them and maybe marriage will mature them so she will stop comparing abortion to the holocaust among her other horrible beliefs. :-0

Post # 133
Member
11594 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Boxerlover24:  seriously. It slays me how people worship someone just because they are on tv. They are no better than anyone else,no prettier in real life, and their lives are not perfect. 

Plus with this family there is deliberate deception going on just to sell a watered down acceptable version of their very disturbing beliefs. I can’t even watch this show by accident in passing anymore after learning more about their beliefs. It makes me sick to see so many fooled into supporting such ugliness and hate. And no, I’m not talking about choosing a lifestyle. I’m all for women doing whatever they choose to contribute to their families. But I’m against preaching hatred and trying to force others to follow your beliefs. 

 

Pretty dress. Ugly beliefs and values. 

Post # 134
Member
1914 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX

Tinatiny1:  Amen

The topic ‘Jessa Duggar of 19 Kids and Counting is Engaged After 11 Months!’ is closed to new replies.

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