@sherryberry: I felt that way too when I was searching for a job (before finding the crazy one I have now, you can read about that on the 12th page of Part 1). I have worked so hard, double majored, and have been super involved in the community my ENTIRE LIFE. I am a first generation college grad and I feel like all I’ve done and gone through was all supposed to lead to my “destiny”. Well, here I am, feeling so stuck in this job–a job that I was so so desperate for in a city with no real leads.
When you’ve worked towards a goal for so long, and then you find yourself with greasy hair, applying for the most random jobs ever, and doing a happy dance when you get an automated email from an obscure company with a DIY logo, reality and insecurity eventually seep in. All that passion, drive, and longing you once had begins to fade. You’re bound to reach a point where you ask yourself “WHAT THE CRACK IS WRONG WITH ME?” You feel like you don’t belong, like you’re not good enough. An ugly little voice whispers all your dreams are really out of reach: you were silly for believing in them, and silly for believing in yourself enough to even dream big in the first place. Your standards begin to lower because you stop believing that you are capable of more. You begin to lose yourself in the process.
DON’T DO IT. DON’T LOSE YOURSELF.
I graduated in May, eloped (only family knows) in August, and I started my 8:30-5 job at the end of November. Once I started working, to my surprise I began to get comfortable and even started picturing our future life in Florida! I thought of kids, and settling down, and basically staying at this company forever. I began to act, think and feel like a frumpy, hopeless little blob–and I started to be ok with it. Well, comfort slowly morphed into more insecurity and fear. I started telling myself I couldn’t walk away from a full time job like this in the midst of this job market. As time has passed all those feelings I had while job-hunting have actually multiplied. The only thing that kept me sane was volunteering at a nursing home. Up until a few weeks ago I felt like a trapped soul with no potential. I felt like leaving my first full time job after 6 months would taint my resume, stress our finances, ruin any chances for jobs recommendations, and make me a failure.
I understand we all have to “pay our dues” and that it will take time to get to where we want to be in our life/career. But I also think we have to be wise “shoppers”.I’m switching to a part time, minimum wage job, because it somehow aligns with my passions better. I never imagined I could follow through with what others may view as a “downgrade” but I have peace about it. Hooray! About time, and I have my mom to thank for encouraging me to do something else.
No, I’m not saying everyone should do exactly what I did/am doing (and def. no greasy hair required).
I’m saying I learned my lesson: No matter what your job situation is, don’t lose yourself. Invest in your passions, the things that move you, the dreams you had when you weren’t so consumed by adulthood. Even on the side if that’s what it takes! Think of all that you can offer, and how uniquely, fearfully, and wonderfully made you are. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. ll the people that have accomplished something “great” in their life–they were ALL visionaries. They lived in pursuit of the visons that lay behind their closed eyes. They were not complacent, they did not settle/give up, they kept their hope. The stayed true to themselves without regret no matter what people thought or said. You can too<3