Post # 1
Hi Bees, 39 year old first time bride marrying my 48 year old first time groom in 44 days. We had a four month engagement due to my fiance having a 3 month out of state training coming up, so it has been crunch time. We have most of the wedding planned and overall things have run smoothly. However, I have a high stress job with a very toxic, negative work environment and it has really been enormously stressful. Example: today a few of us started talking about scones and then had the idea of maybe having an English cream tea at work as a little engagement party. Well one coworker was not in the conversation and she decided that this meant she was excluded from the tea (she’s one of those to take offense at anything) then suddenly got snippy and refused to let me eat the lunch she had prepared for everyone and almost excluded the other coworkers of partaking too which upset them. This is just some of the every day drama and pettiness I have to deal with. If I was not in a relationship, I would quit and since I am engaged, I feel very stuck. Since my finace and I are likely moving after he is done with training, it is pointless to look for a new job. The reality is I could be stuck in this cruddy environment for months and I don’t really have the freedom to move on. My finance is very fiancially cautious and he cannot currently support the two of us. I don’t have the freedom or cushion to quit without another job and it is quite frustrating!
I’ve had some family drama, not much, but I don’t have a good relationship with my sister in laws. One has been snipping at me a lot on Facebook and the other one got very upset when my aunt mistakenly posted the date of my bridal shower as the date of my sister in law’s baby shower rather than the day after. I am a people pleaser by nature and wedding planning has been stressful because no matter what you do, someone will have an opinion or be disappointed. My mom is a Stage Four cancer patient and although is doing remarkably well, her condition is of huge concern. She was in the ER a few days ago for something that turned out to be minor, but it added a ton of stress to a stressful week.
Then yesterday my fiance and I had a little tiff: I am abstinent until marriage, something I told him on the third date and he has promised up and down he will honor. He is very attune to me and sensitive of my moods and emotions but is really, really ready for us to get married so we can have sex. Well every now and then he gets a little too heavy into the sexual jokes and how much he is looking forward to us being together. Last night he kept going on and on about how horny he was and how he was thinking about me all day and it really made me frustrated. Sometimes I feel like the big bad mommy who is not letting him have the toy he wants. We haven’t spoken today and I feel he put far too much pressure on me yesterday and was being unfair and unkind.
On top of it, I started the pill this week and it makes me nauseau and has affected my emotions a tad. AND this has been the worst winter in my state for years and I am heartily sick of battling snow and ice, snow and ice, snow and ice!
I’m just really stressed out and teary tonight. I’ve spent weeks wishing he and I could just run away and elope from this all but the past day or two, I’ve just want to run away without him, go take a week to hike in the mountains with a group (he is not an outdoor guy). I am not happy about my wedding or anything really right now.
Post # 2
Everything you wrote would make me nutty too! Completely understand why you’re at your wits end. This too shall pass.
Your coworker sounds absolutely insane. Have your little party at work with tea and scones and don’t let her partake in any of it. She deserves it.
Sister in law’s can be hit or miss. Yours sound like the latter. Don’t lose sleep over her pretty Facebook drama.
Sorry to hear about your mom! No words advice there, just sympathy.
As for your fiance and his sex jokes- tell him to cut them out or he’ll be using his hand even after the wedding! Lol.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Take some time for self-care – it is SO important. Take a bath with a glass of wine and a good book. Make yourself a blanket fort and stay in there colouring in. Give yourself a facial. Do something that is just for you to help relieve the stress!
Post # 4
I hope your stress level has gone done since you posted. I’ve dealt with family members with cancer, too, and I know how upsetting that can be. Take good care of yourself. If your fiancé isn’t outdoorsy, but you are interested in hiking, think about using Meetup.com to find a hiking club.
You said you and your fiancé will be moving in a few months? Do you plan on changing jobs at that time? Maybe you can start job hunting now. Being proactive about the future might help you feel less helpless about your work situation.
Being abstinent while in a relationship can be stressful for both parties. Maybe he’s just dealing with his stress in an awkward way. He’s probably also trying to let you know that he thinks you’re sexy, and he’s probably really looking forward to sex. Be honest with him about how you feel, but maybe there are ways you can show him that you think he’s sexy, too.
Post # 5
First things first. Stop being a people-pleaser. It will only bring on unneeded stress. Personally, I ignore and don’t befriend miserable, toxic coworkers. Every office has them! You’ll never avoid it, even if you change jobs. If they don’t like me because I keep our conversations limited to work only, the so be it. The upside is I’m not dragged into their drama.
Use the above advice for sisters-in-laws. Ignore them, and anyone else causing you headache. Focus your attention on your mom. She needs you more than anyone. To get her mind off of the cancer, involve only her in wedding details. You don’t need a bunch of outside opinions. You have a vision for your big day—stick to it.
Fiance: Remind him you want a healthy sexual relationship, and his acting like a sexually deprived cave man is not turning you on. What you need to do his hint at what does turn you on so that you can be equally excited about your first experience together. It is nice he finds you so sexually attractive, and I anticipate you’ll have a great sex life. However, not all women are turned on when their guy talks to them like they’re a phone sex girl. You don’t want to build sexual resentment toward him, so now is the time to sort this out.
If the pill isn’t working for you, and you don’t adjust to it, ask about other options until you find the right one for you.
Lastly, can you take up yoga or some other exercise you can turn to when feeling stressed? This may help lift your mood a bit during this chaotic time in your life.
Post # 6
In My Humble Opinion if you’re feeling this worn down, I would think it’s time for your fiance to step up and take on some of this stuff. You’re a team. What can he help take off your plate?
Post # 7
haha—stupid wb autochanged my I M H O…I was not being humble. I was being honest 🙂