(Closed) Job v. Husband…..stuck in a hard place…..

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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mrsfry2015:  Firstly I think the information regarding the raise could be extended to your husband – I don’t think he’s going to tell anyone else, is he? Usually established couples tell each other everything in confidence, I can’t imagine not telling my husband that sort of thing for the reason you stated. That might help him on his opinion too.

I know what you mean, just as I understand your husband’s view. My husband works extremely hard but is entirely against working beyond his hours for many principled reasons.

However this isn’t your husband’s choice. Would YOU feel taken advantage of if you take these hours? That’s ultimately all that matters. You may get a raise but I’d in no way depend on it. You would likely curry good favour and if that’s worth it to you then maybe that’s enough. Sometimes we have to put in some hard graft to get to where we want to be. Is it worth it to you? Just don’t let yourself be taken advantage of, that’s not a nice feeling. You’d have to do it in good grace.

Post # 4
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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mrsfry2015:  Hmm, then if you’re not 100% perhaps you could compromise? They need you, and you want to support them. Tell them that. If there’s truly no room in the budget to pay you more then you should be able to agree some days off down the line. 

As an employer, they should know that most of us don’t get up and go to work for the sheer joy of it. We do it to pay the bills, so it would be unreasonable of them not to offer you any compensation. I’m a soft touch too but you can’t let their being a start up impact on your personal life/finances. Your time is valuable, so it might be worth seeing if you can meet them in the middle. A balance somewhere between demanding and doormat. It might appease your husband too, I appreciate he just wants to look after you.

Post # 6
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I have been a costume shop manager too so (Theatrejulia, go figure) so I know where you are coming from. Is your husband in the arts? It can be difficult for “civilians”, as we called them at my theatre Univeristy, to understand that the hours and demands are different than normal jobs. You probably knew this getting into it, but did he know what he was getting into with your job? If you feel it necessary to put in the work then do it. He should be understanding and supporting you. 

 

Post # 8
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m a teacher and last week I put in at least 3 12-hour days, the other 2 were at least 10 hours.  Plus I have been doing lesson planning here over the weekend.  It sucks, but it is part of the job right now at the beginning of the school year here.  I physically can’t take the time off because there are still a ton of things to get done and I’m the only teacher in my subject area at my school so I still have to get the kids acclimated to me and to the way I do things.  I’m hoping things balance out here in a month or two, but I will be putting in long hours all year long so I feel you.

If I were in your shoes I would find a balance.  Maybe instead of working 12 hour days work 9 hour days.  Force yourself to come home at a certain time.  Plan a dinner date with a friend, or a happy hour.  Sometimes those of us who our job is more than “just a job” have a hard time letting go of that and leaving when we should, but we have to for our own sanity sometimes.  I know the work needs to get done and I know that you need that raise, however at this point I would do the best work you can with the time you have and then go home.  Everything else can wait for the next day, I promise!!  I need to hear that quite often too, so I understand how you feel!

Post # 10
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Oh and I feel you, I really do.  My husband asks me why I stay so late most days and I tell him I need to get my work done.  Planning, prep work, cleaning up, organizing, etc.  I’m at a new school this year too so I’m really getting acclimated and the extra hours are essential unfortunately.  He does get it, but he is an accountant so the 9-5 is what he does best, and he’s out the door right at 5 on the dot.

Showing your boss that you can be insanely efficient within the official work hours I think would mean more in terms of a potential raise than staying late every day.  I think bosses value efficiency over everything else.

Post # 11
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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theatrejulia:  it sounds like you are in a never ending tech week. Boy, aren’t those a deee-light (thick layer of sarcasism and eye rolling). Not sure if it works in your situation but I used to come in 30min- 1 hour every morning and list the goals of the day on a piece of butcher paper along with who was responsible for what. If you can do that the night before, at the end of your shift for the next day it can still give guidance and you can take a much needed break. Of course be available via phone.

I’m surprised you can’t order your own supplies, I have never had to rely on someone else for that. Taking over that responsibility will put more on your shoulders but sounds like it could relieve some of your stress when it comes to planning. 

Post # 12
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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mrsfry2015:  Does your boss have more insight into project flow that he isn’t communicating?  My boss is terrible at communicating projects and deadlines.  I take the initiative to schedule meetings with him and review project objectives and deadlines.  When he doesn’t have an answer I press him to get one.  That’s part of his job as manager, just as you do your best for your people.  Explain that the current situation is ineffient, stressful, and will not work long term… and improving communication doesn’t cost anything.

If that doesn’t work I think you’ll be well poised to ask for a raise.

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