(Closed) Jobless Bride Wants to Postpone Wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I Postpone My Wedding?

    Yes. It sounds like it may be a smart idea to postpone it, even though it will make people upset.

    No. If you don't keep up the planning it may ruin your relationship.

    Wait a little longer to decide. Something may come through.

    I have no idea. This is too difficult of a decision for me to offer advice.

  • Post # 3
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Maybe consider scaling down the wedding to something you can afford? Explain it to his side of the family

    Post # 4
    83 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2001

    Hey there,

    I think it would depend on the kind of wedding you are planning? Outdoors/indoors? Cost of vendors where you live? Is it on the higher end or lower end?

    From what I see, you have approx a year until your wedding, and I do believe, job or no job, especially if family is helping to contribute and especially if you Fiance does have a job, that it’s not too bad. Yes, stressful as your income has been slashed for now and jobs are unpredictable but def not too bad. 

    I think something will always come up, and sometimes even when one postpones for later (and with relatively good cause), something else might come up again.

    I didn’t have the same situation but I too faced quite a bit of stress during the wedding period. For starters, I had finished my MA and did not have a job either. Thankfully his family were handling the whole wedding HOWEVER, due to his terrible relationship between his parents, I was never told the budget and they never confirmed the guest number ( his end) no matter HOW much I asked( I guess I don’t have to tell you how strange his folks are!) Prior to that, his family did not even support him getting married (again, their own personal stance against their son getting married earlier than 35 as they had a terrible marriage). We naturally had to introduce the parents however impossible to do so when DH’s parents would REFUSE to also be in same room with eachother…ARGH.

    Anyways to make a long story short, DH and I decided to just SET a date for engagement, tell his parents and leave it up to them as it got WAY too stressful for me and him to stand around and wait for them to make up their minds whether or not they would formally meet my parents for the formal engagement. 

    After much stress and hassle( would take me AGES to even get into it lol), they decided to come to the engagement! Yeah, GOOD TIMES all around;)

    All I’m saying is, there will ALWAYS be a problem.

    What would make it easier ( and this is the boring part I guess), is to know:

    – What kind of wedding do you want?

    – Approx guest list.

    – Price per head/ or does venue charge as a whole?

    – Do you have to pay upfront? ( From what I see the deposit have been paid…Are these refundable?)

    Honestly, I do think that with some organizing, setting the vision of what you and your Fiance want, things will be fine:)

    Hope this helps!

    Post # 5
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’m sorry this happened to you 🙁 I hope everything works out, and if you guys have to wait a while longer I’m sure things will come together again.

    On the other hand…why not just elope and then have a grand wedding afterwards? I know it’s easier said than done, but when push comes to shove, what is most important to you? You can still have a wedding on any budget, there will just have to be compromises.

    Do finances really have to get in the way of two people who love one another and want to be married? My fiance and I don’t care if we have a fancy wedding or not, what it really and truly comes down to is the marriage, not the wedding.

    Don’t know if this helps, but just keep your head up and think about what is most important to you both right now.

    Post # 6
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Could you look to scaling down your wedding?

    Post # 7
    69 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @jillybeanrose:  What about arranging a cheaper wedding… my idea of what i wud love is a huge tent in the back garden… barbicue a pig  and make up some salads/ side dishes and have a tradtional band play music all nite. i wud love this… ONLY my family would want the big wedding, and i feel i may regret not having the big wedding, tho if my budget had been limited i would def have went for the cheaper option with a ‘bring ur own bottle’ to our party on the invite. I think it wud be amazing. Or change ur wedding day to a Sunday/ thursday? some venues offer a cheaper menu. I have less than 3 months to my big day… my work is close to going under and i havent been paid in 3 months, both my partners parents died within the past 3 month, so its a lot of pressure on my partner just now… but we’re commited  and its too late to change things so we have to struggle on. hopefully a job will come through for you soon. Maybe put a honeymoon off for a couple of months and see what gifts/money you recieve and plan a honeymoon after…  use excuse that Fi can;t get time off work? that will cut down costs, make ur own favours… cheap… i have another post on favours, im having apples with a name tag (place name ) attached… it works out £40 sterling for 140 large red apples.. a lot cheaper than most favors!!! (thats sterling BTW) I have made my own invites, and… i have 5 bmaids… my mum and dad dont pay for wedding but my mums contribution is to pay for the bmaid dresses so im lucky there. But jewelry etc can cost… i had budgets for 15-20 pounds per necklace, so about £100 in total. I just bought 5 diamante pendants of ebay for £2.00 and 5 necklace chains from hong kong for £3.00.. so necklace price per person ended up at £1.00!!!! and i have to say… i didnt expect much from the pendants… but they arrived yesterday and they are absolutely gorgeous!!! very sparkly… im sooo impressed. If its a May wedding, then flowers… wild flowers is an option, pick some yourselves the morning of the wedding and ties with some straw… all wee ways to keep costs down, and keeps u busy too while ur off work! Also for music for a ceremony… if ur needing music, why dont u try a school choir or orchestra… young folk just need a couple of weddings to help them along… someone picked me at the age of 13 to sing at their wedding and i been doing it ever since… im not professional but can sing and i never put a price on it… people pay what they can afford, compared to professionals… they have a high charge… an organist i knew once started of the same. hope all these ideas are of some help to let you know u can still have a fab wedding and there are ways to cut down costs!! enjoy ur planning x

    Post # 8
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014
    Post # 10
    14492 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Havs you considered deffering your student loans since your unemployed?  That would free up some cash and if you were to get even a small paying job, like waiting tables or aomething until you find something better.

    Post # 11
    4429 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @jillybeanrose:  i say you get out there and hunt down a job ; ) you can do it have faith in God!!!!! dont you want to get married??? then do what you have to to find a job.

    Post # 13
    1038 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Why do you HAVE to have 200 guests?  You said his family is large, but do you really have to invite all of them?  This is you and your FI’s wedding, not his family’s.  If they want to contribute more to allow for yall to have a larger guestlist, then so be it.  But you really need to sit them down and lay it all out for them.  Let them know that yall’s current economic situation means that the wedding will have to be scaled down.  Easiest way to save money is to scale down the guestlist.  I had to make the decision for ours to only invite immediate family and close friends.  My extended family were very understanding of this and very supportive of my decision. 


    If it were me, I would keep my date and just opt for a wedding that I could afford.  I would also be looking for any job to have some income coming in(waiting tables, bartending, whatever).   Good luck and remember…it is not their wedding it is YOU and YOUR FI’s wedding.  Ultimately do what works for you two.

    Post # 14
    13901 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @jillybeanrose:  I don’t think receiving unemployment is a mandatory condition of student loan deferments (at least, it’s not listed on http://www.studentaid.ed.gov as mandatory).  There is also the option with registering with an employment agency, which will help find you a job plus qualify you for a deferment.   There are also economic hardship deferments, which you may qualify for (you must be receiving less than 150% of the poverty guidelines). 

    Unfortunately, you don’t even qualify to receive unemployment since you quit your job, so that might be one of the issues the loan companies have in not granting a deferment.

    Honestly, all you can do is cut back the wedding.  You don’t HAVE to have 200 guests.  Sure, there would be some hurt feelings, but people will get over it.  Have a small cake and punch reception for your closest friends.  Do an afternoon or brunch ceremony so you don’t have to worry about a big meal.  Cut back on flowers, decor, and expensive food options.  Cut back on alcohol. I wouldn’t cancel the venue, only because you’d just lose the deposit and that’s basically wasting money.  Call your vendors and explain the situation to them.  They may be able to work with you.

    Post # 15
    9771 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My Fiance was able to defer his loans without receiving unemployment, but he was laid off from his job. I’m not sure what the rules are exactly. Have you tried consolidating your loans/changing the payment size and length of the loan? Fiance was able to drop his from ~$400/month to ~$200.

    I totally understand about the job situation though. Fiance wasn’t able to find a good full time steady job in his field for 2 years. People think you can just walk in and start waiting tables or working at walmart, but even those places won’t hire you!

    Post # 16
    1302 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It sounds like you aren’t looking for a new job.  You should find a new job and then focus on your wedding.


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