(Closed) Budget & Parental Expectation Confusion

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 1
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Let me start by saying Thai people love their whiskey.  Well at least, MY extended Thai family loves whiskey.  I have never seen my parents drink liquor, period.

I was given $20k for a wedding.  Originally I said I didn’t want a wedding and would be happy to just pocket the money.  But both sides of the family wouldn’t acknowlege us being married until we had an offical ceremony.  So, now we have two ceremonies.

1 buddhist 1 catholic convalidation. 

Catholic wedding = $6k  – small & personal my friends and family

Thai wedding = $12k  – all my fathers’ business partners and extended family that I never see, other friends of my father I don’t really know.

I went over the budget for both weddings with both parents sitting RIGHT there in front of me with my wedding planner.

So far, the Thai Wedding: $1k hospitality, $1k decor, $400 flowers, $100 wine, $100 on heinneken, $3k food, $500 temple donation + offerings. $300 dress

Originally, I was going to spend just $1000 on whiskey.

However, I’m under budget, so why not go out with a BANG and buy Johnny walker blue?  That would REALLY impress our guests that my family is so eager to.  So, I spent $4k on 12 Johnnie walker blue bottles.

My mother & father BLEW up on me. “that’s too much, why didn’t you consult us, that’s too much, No NO no” 

I’m just confused.  Because, I have been TRYING and TRYING to get them involved in all of the wedding decisions and they wouldn’t. Every opinion was “whatever, it’s up to you”. or “Whatever you want, I have work to do”.  I literally had to make an APPOINTMENT with my mother just so I can get her input on how to decorate the venue. (before I ordered johnnie walker)

So, really this isn’t about the whiskey, it’s more about my parents and my feelings.

I never truly wanted a wedding in the first place. Now i’m finally getting in the spirit.  The one thing that I THOUGHT would be a totally awesome gesture blows up in my face.

$4k…. that is a tough bill to pay. I realize this. It’s sticker shock.  But i’m STILL under budget.

They should just embrace it because it’s too late. 

Booze is non refundable.

Post # 3
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I must have posted this in the wrong place.  Bah.

Post # 4
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds like you don’t really have free reign with the money/gift. Maybe you need to talk to your parents about their expectations for future monetary decisions. I know a gift should not have strings attached, but with family and weddings, this is not always the case.

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Sking:  I would be fine if strings were attached if they let me know the rules before I made the decision.  Whenever I ask their opinion they always say it doesn’t matter and say it’s what I want.  This is the first time I didn’t ask and just jumped on the idea.

 

Anyhoo.  I did have a conversation with my mother about clear communication and their expectations.  We worked it out, thank goodness.  I will be returning the Blue, and if I can’t, I will sell it – however long it takes.

Thank you for reading!

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