(Closed) Johns Birthday REALLY?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
5864 posts
Bee Keeper

This never would have happened if OP hadn’t been selfish enough to schedule her wedding during John’s Birthday Month. 

^insert sarcasm

FWIW he’s a grown ass man in his 40s, if he’s even half-way to normal he likely wasn’t thinking “It’s my BIRF-day!!! I can’t believe they’re not acknowledging My Special Day when it’s past midnight!!!!”

Singing someone Happy B-day isn’t a big deal, IMO, but rather odd and presumptuous considering OP & the groom barely knew John & definitely rude to interrupt their dance to ask. If someone asked me nicely if we could all sing Happy Birthday to someone toward the end of the wedding, I’d very likely say sure, no problem. But if presumptuous bitch-aunt rudely interrupted my dance with my new husband to insist upon it, I’d probably say no on principle. That she’s still badmouthing you over this is why she’s earned the title presumptuous bitch-aunt, IA with others who say it’s bizarre overkill that she’s still going on about it. 

I also agree with PP who’ve said it would be a nice gesture for someone close to you, like a beloved grandfather. But since you barely knew John, the request is not only odd, but would likely make John feel conspicuous and awkward. 

Post # 33
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

I would be HORRIFIED if someone interrupted their wedding to sing happy birthday to me. I would be so embarassed.

Post # 34
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Cellar 222

Your aunt was so out of line. He’s 40, not four. By the time you hit double digits birhtdays should really not matter so much anymore.

It would be one thing if you knew him really well, like if he was a close family memeber or valued friend but he’s just some rando you have barely met.

Post # 35
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Really glad to see this thread came around.  I’m with OP 100% on this one.

Post # 36
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

daniellemc:  I think your decision was just fine!

My grandpa got remarried on my 24th birthday – and they stopped during part of the reception to sing happy birthday to me. I was genuinely mortified. Luckily it was pretty low key (grandpa’s wedding…lots of older folks, no dancing, etc.) – but I still wanted to crawl under the table. 

Your aunt may be causing a stink, but it’s totally possible you saved John some embarassment – I would look at it as a good deed 🙂

Post # 37
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

If it was like, her 10 year old daughter’s birthday, ON the day you got married, and she had asked you ahead of time if you could do something special to aknowledge… then I would say “WHY WOULDN’T YOU DO THAT”

But “John’s 40th is tomorrow, he’s some dude we know and you met that time”

no. your aunt is insane. 

Post # 38
192 posts
Blushing bee

Funny thing is John was probably just happy he got free booze and a night out on his birthday! Crazy aunts…we all have one! 

Post # 39
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Craaazy of your aunt in my opinion! You had every right to say no, that’s insane. I’d be mortified if anyone, even my close friend or family stopped their wedding to sing happy birthday to me. I agree with britbrith – John was prob pumped about free booze and a bangin’ party!

Post # 40
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I cannot, for the life of me, understand how some pp’s think that the OP is selfish for not singing. Really?! This was a wedding, not a birthday party. While technically the aunt had the RIGHT to ask, I can’t believe she had the NERVE to. She was the selfish one, OP. You and your husband make the calls on your wedding day. Congrats!

Post # 41
4038 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

john and I have the Same birthday!!!!! LOL. I would NEVER in a million years bust a brides balls about celebrating a random’s birthday, fuck that. Your aunt was rude and ridiculous BUT I might have done it just to shut her up…

eta, I would not have SANG happy birthday (he’s 40 not fucking 10) I would have maybe made an announcement such as, “aunt asshole made us aware that today is johns 40th bday so happy bday john!” and then begin our thank you speech….

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  Cheekie0077.
Post # 42
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Start a rumor that your aunt is having an affair with John. She is clearly obsessed with.

Kidding, kind of. 

Post # 43
12291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

It’s one thing if  the bride or groom wanted to recognize someone. I’ve been to lots of weddings where a brief happy birthday was played by the band or DJ. The difference was it was at the initiative of the hosts, who  got to decide when and if. The aunt was rude and out of line. 

Post # 44
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Canvas Event Space

Did she seriously say “stop the wedding” omg haha! Y’know, I actually don’t think asking is necessarily a bad thing but that’s just a horrible way to phrase it – maybe “Can we just take a moment later tonight?” AND WHILE YOU WERE DANCING?! #facepalm 

There was nothing selfish in declining. Plus she put you on the spot by the way that she asked because she probably assumed you’d say just say yes and that’s a real dick move. And now she’s being obnoxious about it months later. You never owed her an explanation in the first place – at that point I would have said something like, “We were just surprised! Once we thought about it we would have loved to if you had asked us earlier but you kind of put us on the spot while we were dancing and it was just kind of a reflex on our part!” 

At least the rest of your family isn’t taking her seriously about it.

Post # 45
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

Your aunt is being the selfish one. Btw, nothing was stopping her from starting a round of “happy birthday” at her table, if she really felt so strongly about it. There was no need to stop the wedding for it. Did she want a special piece of cake with a candle in it, too? You might ask her about her relationship with John, it seems she’s taking it way harder than him!

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