(Closed) joining our bank accounts… freaking out

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
4233 posts
Honey bee

Nah that’s what we plan on doing- a joint for shared expenses then our own for whatever we want. Sorry, but I don’t buy into “it’s our money”. No, some of it’s just mine :P. You can even get your account to automatically transfer a set amount each month to your joint account, so it’s super easy.

Post # 3
Member
7577 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I handle the finances; my Fi has no head for money and he finds the bills very tedious. Each of our paychecks get a preset amount direct deposited to our joint account. Whatever is left over is our own personal  money. Play with it, save it, whatever. The household expenses, bills and basic investments come from the joint account. We put in about equal amounts as we earn fairly equal amounts. We also have a joint credit card for stuff like vacations and dining out unless one of us feels like treating.

Post # 4
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Here is an idea keep your bank accounts that you both have separtley. And when you combine finaces open up a new bank account and use that as a joint account that way if anything happens you both still have your accounts and when you get paid put half of you money in the joint and the other half in your normal bank account win win.. 

Post # 5
Member
619 posts
Busy bee

Congrats! It’s great that you will have a dual income household! 

I’m the spender, DH is a saver. It took a little while to get into the rhythm, but cash is a fantastic budgeting tool. We have joint everything. We go by a budget (revised quarterly as we reevaluate our habits) a bill schedule (I pay bills every payday) and a spreadsheet to track where our money goes (DH). we have immediate financial goals, and short-term and long-term goals.

DH was much more fluent in finances than I was when we got together, but I convinced him to spend a little more on worthwhile investments and he encouraged me to pay off debt and have a safety net. We balance each other well. Go into it with an open mind and communicate. Set goals and boundaries for both of you, and discuss how it’s going, regularly. 

Yay! Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee

I manage the finances in our relationship and, like you OP, am very organized and budget-minded, while DH is… not so much. He makes about 40K more than I do per year, so we handle it like this: His name is on my account and his paycheck is directly deposited into this acct. I transfer a set amount into his own account and he can spend this how ever he chooses, but I have access to this account and keep track of the balance. I pay all the bills, so I can see how much he is spending and can transfer money in and out based on how much he spends throughout the month. We made it a rule, that we have to check-in with the other person if we spend more than $100 at a time, just as a heads up to the other person.

This way I can budget for daily life and for long term goals and he gets the freedom of having “his own” money without feeling like he is dependent on an allowance. I also made him max out his contributions to his 401K, so he never sees the money, so he can’t spend it. It works for us

Post # 7
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee

My ILs have a joint account but my Future Mother-In-Law controls the finances. Future Father-In-Law admits he’s bad with money so she pays all the bills, make sure the groceries are fully stocked and when they’re planning a trip somewhere, she will be the one to book and pay. She fills the cars with petrol and buys him his cigarettes. They’re always together anyway so if they are out for dinner or other stuff, she just pays for everything. They’re both technically “paying” but she is able to say no if they still have bills to pay. One of his friends asked him if he feels like crap having to ask for “pocket money” off his wife and my Future Father-In-Law said, “No, I mean it does seem funny after this age but I’m not the one who sees the bills, I’m not the one who stresses about what needs to be paid. I have it easy. She makes sure everything is taken care of and I don’t have to worry about a thing. Ignorance is bliss I guess”.

So could you maybe still manage the money even with a joint account? It’s pretty much the same thing, except now there is more money.

Or you could try what my SO and I do. We each still have our own accounts that we had before we even met (it’s so much easier not having to change things like where our pays go, direct debits for certain things, etc.) but we also have a joint account. We get paid weekly and the both of us put in the same amount from each pay (it’s about 80% of our pays). That account is used to pay bills, buy groceries, buy petrol for our cars, household items, furniture and is also used for things like date night and alike. It’s pretty much our “couple stuff” account. Whatever is left over in our personal accounts is what we use on ourselves. It’s great because he never has to complain about me spending money on getting my hair done or buying a pair of shoes and I never need to complain about him spending money on a video game console or the latest gadgets. The bills are all taken care of (plus a bit of savings is left in that account) and we each get to spend money without any guilt.

Post # 8
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee

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beeFANTASTIC: I should probably add that I’ve also Exel’ed the crap out of 2015 (did it about mid-last year) and I update it almost weekly. Ít’s so much easy with formulas doing most of the calculations in your budget for you!!

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Set boundaries on what is an acceptable purchase monetary value wise and what isn’t. That way there are fewer surprises. i.e. Anything over $100 needs to be talked about first.

Post # 10
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

You could assign specific bills that each of you take care of from your own accounts, and if there’s ever a big purchase you could both contribute? <br />That’s pretty much what we do currently. <br />If something doesn’t seem intuitive to you, do what feels right for you! Maybe one day it’ll just make sense to combine, but maybe it’s an unnecessary stress for now?

Post # 11
Member
6362 posts
Bee Keeper

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beeFANTASTIC:  When I was thinking of this at first I flipped my shit.  I couldn’t handle it at first.  He was all for it, but it took me a bit longer to get this idea of “my money” out of my head.  When you’re married there is no my money or his money.  I mean it in the sense that any purchase either of you do directly affects the other, even if it’s coming out of “your” or “his” account.  What really helped me decide (since it was me who was stalling) was a co-worker friend of mine explained how she and her husband decided on this.  They actually had joint accounts previous to getting married for almost a year.

My husband and I enjoyed having the separate accounts for the very fact that we could “secret” purchases, but that kind of mind set ended up being horrible for us.  When we combined accounts, it made us accountable, purchases weren’t made without discussing (I’m the more compulsive buyer so this keeps me in check), everything came out of that one account (utilties, car payments, mortgage, insurance, etc).  There was no more need of transferring money out to the other, it got old real quick, and it was done for well over a year.

I’m the handler of all finances mainly because when we met, I had a house, car, and utilities all in my name, along with savings.  So my husband was added to my account and he got rid of his account.  I use a master spreadsheet spanning over two years, with itemized expenses and how much money we’re making, spending and saving.  It works well for us.  I enjoy having a joint account far more than the separate one.

I would suggest this:  DO NOT do this if you have any sense of hesitation or nervousness.  You may end up regretting the joint account in the end.  I waffled for about a month before I realized that I was fine with having the joint account and I thank my co-worker for explaining how her system works (ours is different) and I dont look back on the joint account.  But I had to be ready first.

 

Post # 13
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee

I might also suggest having 3 accounts, his account, your account and then a joint account. Joint account is for joint purchases only, like bills and household things, and then your separate accounts are for extras

Then you each still have “your” money, but you have a joint account set up to where you both are contributing to the household finances. Then each of you could split your checks 50/50 between the joint and yours, or 70/30 or whatever it is that covers your expenses while still having some money to yourselves.

This is what we will be doing after we get married, because I know I would get frustrated if my spouse was questioning every purchase I made because they’re more of a saver and I’m more of a spender. 

Post # 15
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That is what we do. My husband manages it for the most part, because most of the bills are in his name. It is very simple and works well for us. We put very little in our own accounts though because we are big on saving right now. 

ETA: We kept our own accounts mainly because we are military so we get pretty good deals and perks for those accounts. Our car insurance is on his, and my car payment is set up on mine. Our joint is our main account though and is a local bank. We opened our joint account 9 months before we married. Our separate accounts are “linked” but not joint… it’s hard to explain that.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by  MrsKanda730.

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