Post # 1
Ok ladies, I need your advice. My Fiance and I have been engaged for 3 months and are planning our wedding. I recently brought up getting a joint bank account with him and he seemed a little hesitant which was really annoying. The problem that I am having is that he has a joint bank account with his Mother and told me that he did not plan on getting rid of it because he has had that account since he was 13. When we had this discussion I didnt want to argue with him so I just let it go. I have been livid ever since our conversation because I dont feel my future husband should keep a joint account with his Mother. Do I have the right to be upset?? Is it worth confronting him about it?? Am I being unreasonable?? I honestly dont know what to do.
Post # 2
Why does a grown man have a joint bank account with his mother? I’m not even trying to be snarky, I’m genuinely wondering if there’s a reason behind it.
Post # 3
As a minor, his mom likely had to be on there. However, as an adult, he can keep the account and remove her name pretty simply – they just both have to sign a form.
While I think it’s weird that he doesn’t want to close the joint account, I don’t really see the problem, unless he’s putting money in it that should be destined for a joint account and/or household expenses.
Post # 4
DH and I both still have our own individual accounts that were in place before we met, but all our incoming funds and payments go through our joint account now. There’s sentimental value, and it takes extra work to close the accounts! For your situation, I’d be ok with him leaving it as long as he’s not planning on abusing that separate account.
Post # 5
1. You are reasonable to want a joint account with him upon marriage.
2. He’s reasonable to want to wait until marriage to open one with you.
3. I also think it’s reasonable for him to retain a joint account with his mom.
4. I think it’s unreasonable for him to avoid discussing the whys behind his decision or for him to disregard your reservations about it. Disagree? Sure. Disregard? No.
And fwiw, with aging parents, we see first hand the benefits of being able to more closely assist them with banking needs.
Post # 6
I have a random bank account with my mom’s name on it too, dating back to college. My Fiance and I opened a joint bank account after getting engaged, which is now each of his and my primary account, but my joint account with my mom was my primary account up until I opened the joint account with my Fiance. My joint account with my mom is still open with like $50 in it because I’m too lazy to close it.
My point is that I don’t think it’s weird that your Fiance has a joint bank account with his mother. I also don’t think it’s *that* weird that he does not want to combine finances until after marriage. TBH, my parents advised against my combining finances with my Fiance before marriage, but I chose to do so anyway. If he is still resistant to combining finances after marriage, I would revisit the conversation then. It could just be that he doesn’t want to change his autopayments and direct deposit info, because that stuff is a pain.
Post # 7
I have a joint account with my dad. I don’t close it because 1) he uses it 2) I use it 3) why bother??
i think it’s reasonable he doesn’t want a joint account with you until you’re married.
Post # 8
I’m pretty sure that he and his mom can convert the joint account into an individual account, or could change it from joint with her to joint with you. Shouldn’t be a big deal. Also, I don’t know why it really matters that you have one bank account since you are 13?
I think that you and your Fiance need to talk about how your finances will work when you are married. It’s a bigger conversation than one bank account. It’s good to figure out where your assumptions are the same and where you’ll need to negotiate.
Post # 9
I can understand your frustration? Is it joint as in they share bills or joint as in her name is technically on the account?
This is what me and my DH have done so this may be an option. We have a joint account that the majority of our paychecks are direct deposited in. This is for bills/joint activities/gas/groceries..etc. We also each have individual accounts for which we have an equal small amount of money weekly deposited in for our own purchases(stuff we want/eating lunch out with friends/etc.) ..he could potential keep that account for his personal account to which you would have a set amount of money deposited in for his use only, you would have your own account with same amount deposited in. The rest goes into the joint account to accomidate for all joint expenses.
This works so great for us, it makes life so easy. Everything is on autopay and I only look at it to verify everything is going right. But we are intense budgeters so we dont just spend frivilously.
Post # 10
I have a checking account that is joint with my mother. I put her on there because I was young when I opened it and its not hurting me to have her on it. I do not think there is anything wrong with your SO having the joint account.
Not wanting to open the joint account with you is the concerning part. My DH and I have our own accounts and a joint account for savings. It works out well for us.
Post # 11
After getting engaged FIs consulting took off and it became clear we needed a business bank account. Fiance isn’t great at handling funds so we openined a business bank account and a joint bank account and I manage the business money and the household money. Everyone I’ve mentioned this to thinks we’re crazy. Apparently it is very rare to have joint accounts prior to marriage and sometimes it takes a few years into a marriage to join them. I’m not sure why…? I just know that I seem to be in the minority. IN fact one set of friends who have been married for 2 years found out we had a joint account, and I think it stirred up some issues becsue they don’t have one yet.
BUT – we also both kept our individual bank accounts and we still use those too. My direct deposit goes into my personal account not the joint one. I don’t think we’ll close them down in the forseeable future.
I don’t know why your Fiance has an account with his mom, but even if he does want to keep it, you can still have a joint one in addition to the old ones.
Post # 12
I have a personal checking account that I share with my Fiance, and another checking account that my Dad and I have access too. We have this account intially, so when I needed to give my parents insurance money (when I was on their policy), I would just transfer it. Now, it has a whole $5 in it to keep it open. Around Christmas now if my younger brother needs to order something only with my Amazon Prime account, I will make the purchase and my Dad will transfer the $$ into my account. Or if my Dad doesn’t want my Mom to know where she bought a gift from (since the store name shows up on our statement), I will put it on my card and he transfers me the $$.
The only issue I see is that he won’t open an account with you…maybe it goes back to how he views $$ or how maybe how it was valued in his family? My Fiance and I opened our joint account 2 weeks after getting engaged!
Post # 13
DH has a joint account with his mother that they opened when he went to college. Since I have been with him (5 years) she has only ever deposited money for Christmas or birthdays or whatever. She never checks the balance or interferes with his account.
I think it’s weird that your fiance is hesitant to open a joint account with you, but I don’t understand why you are livid about his account with his mom. I mean, livid?? It upsets you that much? Why? (Not trying to sound rude but genuinely curious)
Post # 14
My SO and I do not have joint bank accounts with our parents. I took mine off when I went to college because my money was my business and I wanted it to stay that way. My SO took his off because they were stealing any of the money he put in from working to use towards their bills because they didn’t make enough or they’d clean him out when he didn’t do what they wanted.
I personally think it is a little weird to have one with a parent still. Your finances are yours and don’t need to be shared with family unless you both feel comfortable about it. I don’t think he should be so hesitant about sharing one with you and I also don’t see the big deal about waiting until marriage. You guys will get married so opening a joint bank account is going to happen sooner or later, I don’t see a problem having it happen while engaged.
My advice is talking to him about it again and letting him know that you feel uncomfortable having him share an account with his mom and that the only joint bank account you want to have is between each other. Explain to him why it frustrates you and ask him to close it or not put any money into it anymore. I wouldn’t want my mother using our money because she has access to it or seeing what we spend our money on. It’s not her business.
But this is only my personal opinion, everyone has different views which I understand. Good luck!
Post # 15
Yeah..DH’s dad is still on his (now unused) checking account. We combined checking accounts (aka opened a new one entirely) when we got married – while we were engaged we had a joint savings account. I think it’s reasonable to wait until everything’s official to open a joint account.
Also, a huge perk of having Father-In-Law on DH’s account was that when we applied for a joint credit card, we were able to get ridiculous rewards (we have the travel rewards card through BoA) because of his dad’s credit and his longevity as a customer. His dad has no access whatsoever to our credit card, but it was a nice plus!