(Closed) Joint bank accounts –> proposal?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1879 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

anon1227 :  joint account – – > proposal is the title.

how is that not looking for a proposal? No need to get so defensive when people are telling you to find out where your relationship is going.

Post # 17
Member
663 posts
Busy bee

anon1227 :  Did they change? Is your name on the house that you pay part of the mortgage on?

Your title suggested you were asking for advice, not for people to validate your delusions.

Post # 20
Member
663 posts
Busy bee

anon1227 :  You’re going to have to elaborate. And you didn’t answer the question.

Post # 21
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anon1227 :  you caught us. We just wanted to rain on your parade, not offer suggestions that you might be getting your hopes up because you didn’t even have a conversation .

Nope, we are out to ruin your day!

Post # 22
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

anon1227 :  There are only two steps to a proposal: 

Step 1- One partner asks.

Step 2- The other accepts.

It doesn’t take a traditionalist to see that what you’ve posted aren’t steps to an engagement. They’re steps you’ve taken instead of an engagement. 

Post # 23
Member
1879 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

anon1227 :  you share a home, share bills, sleep together and are considering a joint account after being together for 4 years. There aren’t that many more steps before marriage.

For what it’s worth, I had a joint account with my husband before marriage but I was happy to talk to him about getting engaged and set a clear timeline that we both agreed upon. I have no issue with your joint account. I have issue with you clearly wanting marriage and trying to backpeddle and play ‘cool girl’ who doesn’t want to talk marriage with her partner.

Post # 26
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

anon1227 :  that’s just wishful thinking on your part.   Why are you settling for this? Stop being a passenger in your own life. 

Post # 28
Member
1879 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

By your own words – there is no ring in sight and he wanted to talk about a financial plan but quickly back peddled that he meant not about a ring. Yet this is a step in the right direction. Those were your first words. Actually Bee that seems like a massive step back. He’s willing to share financial liability with you but not actually willing to discuss marriage with you. Talking about it has got you nowhere. It also seems like you’re talking but he’s not listening.

From your posts it seems you want marriage. That’s fine. Own it. But don’t open a bank account with someone if they won’t discuss marriage with you hoping it’s a step in the right direction. It isn’t necessarily.

Post # 29
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Can you tell us what’s changed from this comment that happened 7 days ago? He told you he’s not thinking about a ring.

Post # 30
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

anon1227 :  I think you’re being a bit defensive. You didn’t hear what you wanted to hear and now you’re on the attack. You started it with your passive aggressive response. We are trying to tell you that a joint account is not a step towards a proposal or in the “right direction” it is simply way to make paying your bills easier. End of story. If you want to get married set a timeline, go ring shopping. Combining your finances actually makes it harder to leave him in the event that you can no longer wait for him to propose. 

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