(Closed) Joint bank accounts –> proposal?

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
810 posts
Busy bee

sweetdee89 :  Sounds like the anniversary is the trigger. Given we are well into April, she may be at the breaking point.

Post # 47
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

anonymousbee001 :  Yes, but bases on her replies in this thread she will be posting again in another few months and thereafter due to no proposal. SMH

Post # 48
Member
2236 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

OK. I probably shouldn’t bother, but…

 

OP, I would be offended by his comment, not encouraged. Has he never mentioned why he is so adamantly not thinking about marriage? Is there some life goal he wants to achieve? Why do you need to change your financial arrangement now if it’s worked in the past for 4 years?

Post # 49
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

Sorry OP, looks like you’ll be waiting or ‘settling’ with this guy. If a ring is important to you for the aethetics, maybe buy one yourself? if you want the title or fiancee or wife soon, then maybe find another man?

 

Also: if you do the joint account, just be realistic, if he never proposes, will your bf/gf status be acceptable? If not, a joint account can be hertbreaking if things don’t pan out.

Post # 50
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

We shared finances for nearly two years before we got engaged… and I never looked back! So much easier.

Post # 51
Member
810 posts
Busy bee

sweetdee89 :  Agreed: even though he used affording an engagement ring as an excuse, her multiple posts with successively less expensive rings, including settling for a $30 ring on Amazon, suggests that his rationale was far from credible.

Post # 52
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

anonymousbee001 :  Exactly. And in another post, while she had been hinting and telling him what she wanted, he goes and buys a PC for over $400. Priorities!

Post # 53
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

No, I don’t think joint bank account means it will lead to a proposal. Just sounds like he wants an easier way to pay the bills and not hound you for money every month.

Post # 54
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

anon1227 :  He ‘quickly said he didn’t mean about a ring’ because he didn’t want you jumping to that conclusion. Which you did anyway. I don’t see anything encouraging about this but it’s obvious you’re clutching at straws and then getting hyper defensive if anyone doesn’t see this as some huge step toward a proposal. Don’t attack the Bees here for being honest with you, it’s kinder in the long run to give you blunt advice than it is to blow smoke up your ass by telling you what you desperately want to hear. Seems to me you get enough false hope from your SO without us piling on. Look at what it’s doing to you OP, I think your lashing out at others here is showing how truly unhappy you are with your current situation. 

 

Post # 55
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

anon1227 :  I think a joint checking for joint bills, is fine. 

I would keep a personal savings for now, though. 

Post # 56
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - New Hampshire

I’m not going to read into your past history, but as other posters have pointed out…there does seem to be something up. That said, my partner and I bought a house together (both names on deed) before we were engaged. We knew we wanted to get married, but buying a house then made sense. We have a joint checking that we put money into to cover the bills, our paychecks do not get deposited there. It works for us. However, I would never assume that by having the joint account it would lead to proposal. I have been clear with him what my intentions were, and honestly, I wasn’t ready for that just yet when we bought the house (weird now that I think about it). Either way, it sounds like you have some resentment towards your partner and I wish you the best of luck. 

I am editing my comment to say that I wouldn’t agree to a joint account unless my name was on the deed. 

Post # 57
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee

anon1227 :  uhhhh how is that a step in the right direction? I’d be pissed that he wants access to your money but won’t marry you. Sounds like a step backward in your situation.

It’s fine if you’re not traditional, but then own that. It’s ok if you want marriage and are ready for a proposal. Own it. Don’t try to pretend you don’t want those things to save face here- we can all see through that anyway. 

But if you really want marriage next, stop doing everything but. Joining bank accounts is not the next step to marriage- it has nothing to do with that. You want to get engaged, so get engaged! He can get a joint account with you when you’re married.

It’s been four years. How and why is he not ready to get engaged? Sounds like he’s stalling

PS- don’t get mad at us- get mad at your shitty boyfriend.

Post # 58
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

When you have a joint bank account with someone, either party has access to 100 percent of it. It’s not 50/50. Why does your bf want a joint account?

Post # 59
Member
4498 posts
Honey bee

Well, on the bright side you can see where his finances are going.  So now instead of wondering if he is buying you a ring you can just log-in to the ol’ bank account and watch him week after week not buying you a ring.  No more pesky speculation.

Post # 60
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

acornsandapples :  I read the OP to my fiancé and he said the exact same thing lol 

smallbee :  You’re spot on with this.

OP, there’s nothing wrong with a joint accounr for bills at any point in a relationship if that will be most effective for y’all. However, a proposal isn’t contingent on anything. It’s its own standalone event that happens on its own. I’ve been there feeding into all of the little things and even when my Fiance bought the ring and booked a bed and breakfast a week later, nothing was guaranteed. If you want transparency, you need to be transparent. The fact that your SO said not to save for a ring needs to be addressed. Ask him why not? Why won’t you save for a ring? He clearly wants to be with you, but in what context is that question.

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