(Closed) Joint bank accounts –> proposal?

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
6099 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

notmeeither :  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!

OP- if you ever come back to this post, re read notmeeither’s comment over and over again. It’s everything you need to hear right now.

Post # 78
Member
10597 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Dh and I opened a joint bank account when we started investing in rental properties, long before we got married. It was simply the sensible and practical thing to do.  It carried no meaning beyond that.

Post # 79
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldn’t see that as a step towards a proposal, it could just as easily indicate that he wants to skip over the wedding and go straight to functioning like a married couple because he’s not sure when he’ll want to make the big commitment. 

I mean, if you’ve discussed it then it definitely could be a ‘step’ in the right direction, but the two things just aren’t necessarily related. 

It’s like how moving in together isn’t necessarily a step towards marriage unless you expressly say that it is. I lived with one ex in my early 20s for 3 years that I had zero intention of ever marrying. But my now-husband and I discussed marriage before moving in together and he proposed 6 months later.

You need to talk about things directly and openly rather than trying to interpret his behaviour. 

Post # 80
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2021

Combining finances doesn’t imply a proposal is happening. It’s only happening if you discuss it and agree you’re in that place together. Plenty of couples live together, own a house together, pay bills together, get pets together — for years and years — and are not married. Some don’t see the point in getting married when you already act like you’re married. Marriage is just a piece of paper and a ring is just a piece of jewelry. Some see value in it, others do not. That is up to you and your partner to determine. 

Post # 81
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m not a tradionalist either, my husband and I bought a house together after three years of dating, got pets together, split bills, and even sleep together…. But I’m not stupid. We split the bills like we needed to from our separate accounts and once we were married we created a joint account. If something were to happen it gets way to messy that way and before you start saying that nothing is going to happen, no one ever thinks it does but break ups still happen. 

Post # 82
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

ahartig :  I’m sure you didn’t mean it that way, but the way you wrote that kind of implies that it is stupid to have a joint account before you’re married. 

My fiance and I opened our joint account when we bought our house together. It just made more sense for us to do it that way than have to shuffle money around between us every month. We both still have separate accounts and separate credit cards, but we both have automatic transfers set up that moves a certain amount from each of our accounts into the joint account every pay cheque, and all our shared bills have auto payments set up on that account. 

I don’t understand how you can think buying a house together wasn’t foolish but opening a joint account was… That makes no sense to me lol

Once we bought that house there is no getting around the fact that a break up would be super duper complicated. The joint account is nothing compared to that! 

Post # 83
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee

sboom :  I moreso meant that it’s stupid to think that nothing bad could go wrong and going into it with Rose colored glasses and thinking a proposal will follow shortly. I am absolutely not saying that it doesn’t work for couples, I’m also saying that it doesn’t work for every couple. Weigh pros and cons and figure out what works but make the decision with good and the bad in mind. 

OP lives with her bf, he owns the house. She is not on the mortgage and doesn’t pay toward it, so a joint bank account would be more complicated and messier in the event of their break up because they would have to untangle that as opposed to finding a new place to live because she really isn’t tied to the house at all. 

They have also been living together for a few years. I could see if they first moved in together how it might make it easier but if it’s been working for years, what is the point of changing it especially when he has clearly stated he isn’t thinking about rings? 

Post # 85
Hostess
9615 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Closing 

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