Post # 1
I’m curious what the plans are.
I was married once, and we had a joint checking account long before we were engaged, and it worked just fine. There was always money in the account.
My FI now has no interest in joining our accounts. I don’t make as much, because I’m mostly a student and I stay at home with our 9 month old. But I’m so tired of trying to get him to give me money for diapers, baby stuff, stuff for the house, etc etc because I’m always the one doing the errands. And I make 1/5 of what he does since I only work 20 hours a week, and go to school. I’m really over it and it is causing a major rift right now.
And now with wedding expenses? It is going to be so much worse than with our daughter. He won’t want to give me any money – he is very, very protective over what he has. But relys on me heavily for everything.
I’m a little bitter this morning. =
Post # 3
Our new bank required each member to have a savings even though we were able to add each other as joint account holders. Then we created a checking. It’s a shame that you are having such problems with necessities. That definitely NEEDS to be worked out before the wedding, especially since you have a small child between you.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
We are joint everything (except 401ks because they are through our respective employers). I would have a real problem with a tightwad partner who begrudgingly gave me money for our child or household expenses. That attitude would be a non-starter with me.
Post # 5
We each have our own “slush funds”, and a joint savings/checking for household stuff and bills!
Post # 6
@Daenaria727: We have a joint checking and savings account and a joint monthly budget that we’ve discussed in depth. We combine all of our income into those accounts. Even though DH makes more than me because I am in school, we both have small ($40/month) personal budget categories for fun stuff like meals. We have a joint budget categories for EVERYTHING else, food, clothes, bills, etc. When our child is born all expenses related to his/her care will be joint as well. Even though my DH makes more, we are equally involved in life at home, there’s no way for us to fairly say that someone consumes more food or water or the other basics in life and should therefore pay more. We eat, sleep, and relax in our home equally. It wouldn’t work for us to have separate piles of money. The “yours” vs “mine” mentality just seems so problematic to me, especially because you have a kid.
Post # 7
@Daenaria727: I’m sorry you’re having a cruddy day :(! My FI and I have separate accounts and a joint for strictly apartment related things bills rent grocery shopping. it works for us were very open about when we need to use it for anything else! Good luck!
Post # 8
@Daenaria727: It really sounds like the checking account issue actually a symptom of a larger issue. Do you find him to be cheap/stingy in general? Especially if it’s to buy groceries or things for the baby, there’s really no excuse for him to not be giving you what you need (if that is your arrangement, and it sounds like it is). Those are not qualities you want in a life partner, particularly one you’re going to be building and raising a family with.
Post # 9
We opened a joint account before we moved in together so that our bills could come straight out of there. We have automatic deposits that go in there, so it doesn’t even effect us sometimes.
We’re both very responsible and respectful of the account, though, and that’s important. I don’t make as much as my FI either and he understands sometimes I need to borrow against it, but I always make sure to tell him even if I don’t put it back for a month.
Post # 10
We have joint everything accounts, we see no reason to “hide” money from each other and it doesn’t bother either of us.
Post # 11
We opened a savings account together before the wedding to save for our honeymoon but didn’t join our checking accounts till after we were married. It works just fine for us. We don’t make the same amount, but the money in our account is our money.
Do you know why he doesn’t seem interested in joining accounts? If you’re already tired of having to ask for money (and I don’t blame you!) and it’s already causing a rift, I’d be afraid that those problems would only get worse over time. 🙁
Post # 12
We’re still working on that. Right now (engaged and living together) we each have separate checking, a joint checking and joint savings. The joint checking is for shared expenses like rent, utilities, groceries, dinners out together or other together activites. Separate accounts are supposed to be for hobbies, stopping for coffee at work, and other personal shopping. Our biggest issue now if putting enough in the shared account. Often our evenings out together end up coming from out personal accoutns so there will be enough for bills in the joint account.
We hope, once married, to put almost everything in our shared account and leave just a little in personal accounts for “fun” stuff. We might just to totally joint stuff though since we have trouble keeping stuff straight now. That’s an ongoing discussion, trying to see what will work best for us.
Post # 13
We shared a joint account before getting married…basically as soon as we lived together. We decided if we didn’t trust eachother to share a “household” account, then we shouldnt’ be living together. So, we had a shared account that we each contributed to. First, we added up what we needed for expenses, bills, groceries and divided that up by how much we made. So, if he made more than me, he would contribute that % more.
We kept indivicual accounts, and we still have them now that we are married. Most of our money goes into the shared account, but we each keep a little for gift buying, or for buying ourselves the occasional something. We may completely pool our money in the future, but for now this works for us!
Post # 14
@Daenaria727: We have both. Joint for joint expenses (we don’t have kids, but that would be considered “joint”) and then we have our own checking that we get to do whatever we want with. We think it’s only fair that once we get married we each put a percentage in the joint account and not a dollar amount.
If either of us wants to make a big purchase we either have to get the other person on board for it to come out of the joint account or we have to save our own “fun money” for it.
If I were you, I would insist on a joint account or at least a joint credit card for child expenses. If my FI tried to do what yours is…I would see it as a power play. (But that’s just me, I don’t know you or your FI well enough to make that judgment)
Post # 15
FI and each have our own checking accounts. However, we just opened a joint checking account to keep our wedding funds separate from everything else and so that we have easy access to the money. After our wedding, we plan on keeping the joint account for bills and expenses for things we share like going out. We’ll still keep our own separate accoutns for when we want to go shopping for ourselves or buy each other gifts, but ultimately we’ll be using the joint account more.
Plus, I know this will sound silly, when we go out to dinner or to a bar, I just like it better when it’s him handing over the card to pay. We are 50/50 when we go out and I 100% do not mind paying for things, I just don’t like people seeing me pay. So having a joint account solves this silly insecurity haha
Post # 16
@Daenaria727: Well he needs to get over that. It’s not his money anymore. It will be family money after you are married.