Post # 17
We actually just talked about this. We went back and forth, but because he makes 2.5 times what I make, we decided to do one joint checking and one joint savings account. That way all the money is “our” money. We also agreed to keep a cushion of $X in the checking account and to get permission from the other before spending >$X in one day.
We didn’t want money to become a power struggle and we did not want one of us feeling richer/poorer than the other.
Post # 18
@Daenaria727: We opened one as soon as we moved in together. It was easier this way : we each knew how much we had to put into the joint account each month for necessities (rent, groceries, cable, Internet, phone, home insurance, etc.), and we use the rest of our individual money as we please (debt payments, savings). After we’re married, we might combine everything since it will probably be easier (and faster) to pay off debts and gather savings combined rather than individually.
Post # 19
After buying a house, we realized pretty quickly that we needed a joint account. We currently maintain a join account which we both contribute to which covers all the household expenses. We then maintain our own personal accounts for whatever fun things we want.
Post # 20
We joined accounts after we got married. We have one joint savings, one joint checking, and two separate checking accounts. We transfer the same amount of money into the separate accounts each week for our “fun” money. It works out really well for us.
I think I would really resent my husband if he treated me the way your FH treats you.
Post # 21
@Daenaria727: You have a big problem here! I don’t think sharing what we do is going to work for you. You have to work on your SO.
What were his reasons for not sharing money? What kind of plan DOES he propose? I don’t think that is right that you have to ask to pay for baby stuff for both of your child!
Post # 22
I don’t have any problem with separate accounts in theory, but only if partners contribute equally to household/children expenses. You guys need to sit down, work out a budget, and split it up. May I suggest a joint checking account into which you both deposit money and out of which shared expenses come, and then each having your own savings account with your “own” money?
Darling Husband and I have fully joint accounts (except 401Ks, because they can’t be).
Post # 23
Whether you join accounts or not, you definetly need to find a new system. I would be inclined to just join and share everything, but if your Fiance isnt’ then I dont’ think you can force him.
Have you considered an arrangement where you specifically detail who pays for what and in what percentage? Many couples who prefer to keep their finances seperate but have different incomes will split shared expenses based on income level. So if you earn 20% of the total income in your family and he earns the other 80%, he would pay for 80% of the morgage/rent, groceries, child care expenses, etc.
You can also set up a credit card that is only used for your shared expenses and pay it off in the same way each time the bill comes (assuming that you two are both carefully about always paying off 100% of the bill each month).
If you split things this way you cuold set up auto transfers towards those bills so that having him contribute his fair share will be a snap.
Post # 24
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Wow, he sounds not so great in the sharing money and providing for HIS CHILD and partner department! How would he feel if he were a stay at home dad and you refused to give him money for basic necessities?!
Honestly, if I were you, I would just INSIST on it. You’re pledging your lives to each other and have a kid together – there is absolutely no reason not to merge finances in a situation where you have child-rearing duties and he has money-making duties.
Post # 25
@laureneliz87: I agree, OP it seems like a major issue of the two of you not agreeing on spending habits and money in general. I really don’t think having separate accounts is going to work in your situation.
My husband and I combined accounts when we moved in together (before we were engaged). We use Mint.com to set budgets for groceries, baby gear, etc. and we both check it before we make purchases. We also have monthly “financial updates” when we put all of our financial info in a spreadsheet and sit down together to see how we’re doing and check in about our financial goals.
Post # 26
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
@Daenaria727: We went to the bank right away after we got married and added each other onto our accounts. So, technically we have 2 joint accounts: one that started as just mine and one that started as just his. As long as you both have access to all the money in the event of an emergency, I don’t think it matters how many accounts there are or who the primary owner is/was.
Post # 27
Fiance and I each still have our own accounts and we have 1 joint account. He, however, is on my accounts because when we went to my credit union to open the joint account it was easier to just give him access to all my stuff. I’m not on his account, but i know everything that goes in and comes out because we sit down every week and go over our budgets.
As soon as we are married we will combine everything into our joint credit union accounts.
Post # 28
We opened a joint checking account right after we married, which is where 90% of our financial action goes on.
We also kept our own individual checking accounts, which we use mostly for personal/play money pursuits.
Post # 29
@Daenaria727: You two need to have a serious chat. .Theres a few things that concern me. “I’m really over it and it is causing a major rift right now.”
That means what you are doing right now isn’t working and NEEDS to be addressed. I know some people get 2 accounts to work out but the way i see it they must both make a lot of money. A major rift will turn into a tidal wave that destroys your relationship. The number one cause of divorce is money – you two need to work together so that doesn’t become you.
“He’s very protective over what he has”
Well what he makes he makes for his wife and his family. The second you walk down that aisle (actually if you have a baby together then that happens before) … whats yours is his…. Whats his is yours. You own everything together so nothing is his alone. He’s essentially putting himself ahead of you and his family and thats wrong.
Before we were married we had separate accounts and we fought more about money then then we ever do now that we have it all in one account. You shouldn’t need to borrow money from each other when your married. Whose paying for what, “why am i paying”, “you owe me X” issues were CONSTANT so yes one day i said screw it and i told my Darling Husband that we were going joint after the wedding. OMG ITS AMAZING!!!! We plan our money together, we figure everything out together, we each have separate spending money but other then that everythings together, in one place! Every single expense comes out of one account. No more “i need money for X” or “you are paying me back” or any of that crap that frankly has no place in a marriage. GO JOINT – you two definitely are the exact type of couple it will work for!!!!!
One day you might make more then him and he might lose his job and he’ll NEED you instead. Its just life.
Post # 30
We can’t do joint checking; we just each run our day-to-day finances very differently (he pays cash for everything, I put everything on a credit card that I pay off every month in full). If we joined accounts, he’d always see money in there and spend spend spend and I’d have nothing left to pay my credit card bill. We were in our late 20’s/early 30’s when we got married; too old for new tricks money wise.
We do have a joint savings account that we started before the wedding; it was originally our “wedding account.” Now it’s our travel account, haha. We also each have separate savings accounts and retirement accounts through our jobs.