(Closed) Journey of TTC after miscarriage part 5

posted 7 years ago in TTC
Post # 256
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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priyawouldntwannabeya:  I am seriously so sorry and so horrified that he said that to you. My OB was a MFM specialist – he specialized in high risk pregnancies at one of the best hospitals in Manhattan – and when I asked him if the miscarriage was due to my weight, he was like, no. Point blank, no. The vast majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues that were caused by nothing but an accident in cell division way before you even knew you were pregnant. And while yes, being overweight or obese during pregnancy can put you at higher risk for some things like gestational diabetes, the vast majority of overweight and obese women who get pregnant to on to have healthy babies and uncomplicated pregnancies. The studies cannot even agree on whether obesity might cause a slightly higher risk of miscarrying – and it seems like no study has adequately controlled for whether PCOS (which is more common in overweight women to begin with) was affecting those numbers. So it is far, far from the sort of conclusion that your asshole doctor jumped to. Fuck that guy, for real.

And honestly, this is why I’m so glad we had chromosomal testing done on our baby’s remains… I’m so glad I know for sure it was a chromosomal problem because otherwise I would have spent the rest of my life blaming myself for being obese and pregnant and worrying I might have caused it. I know for sure now that my miscarriage wasn’t because of my weight, and I’d put money on it that yours wasn’t either. I feel terrible that you are worrying about this! 

Its always good to be in a healthy place, physically and emotionally before TTC – but don’t let a number on a scale tell you whether or not you’re healthy. I’m finding a lot of peace and happiness in focusing on my healthy habits now – eating nutritiously (not necessarily low cal) and exercising well – but the last thing you need to worry about is getting to a certain number on the scale. Listen to your body and your heart – they will tell you when it’s time to try again. 

Post # 257
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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KatieBklyn:  thank you so much, it really does help to hear that.

Post # 258
Member
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just got my blood test results back from this morning, and my HCG is officially back down below 5, so normal for non-pregnancy! Yay! It feels weird to be happy about it b/c it means that my miscarriage is finally over, but at least now I’m out of the woods and moving forward. :) At the same time it brings back some emotions from the whole ordeal and makes me sad. The nurse said I needed to wait one cycle to try again, so until my natural period comes back, which I knew and have my own plans to wait longer. She said it could take a few months for that to happen, but I hope that that won’t be the case with me. Deep breath and onward and upward!

Post # 259
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Mrsfairybee: Glad you are able to move forward now.  I know what you mean about being sad.  It’s like an end of a book.  You’re happy to get to the end but disappointed with the ending.  Definitely mixed feelings.  How long do you think you are going to wait to TTC again?

Post # 260
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ve been following this thread for about 1.5 weeks now and figured it’s about time I made my roll call. 

Status (MC cycle/rest cycle/TTC cycle): MC Cycle.  Found out on July 3rd my hcg levels were dropping significantly (from 42,000 to 31,000 over 3 days).  Ultrasound on July 7th confirmed a blighted ovum measuring 6.5 weeks (should have been over 9w).  Currently waiting to miscarry naturally.  Have an appointment in one weeks time to discuss options if nothing happens between now and then. 

MC History: None.  First pregnancy, first MC. 

Issues (if any): We’ve previously been diagnosed infertile and got this bfp naturally after 13 cycles of trying.  DH has MFI issues and is on 14 pills a day to combat that (both vitamins and clomid).  I have sub-clinical hypothyroidism and am on Synthroid.  

Action Plan for next TTC cycle (ie Baby Aspirin, progesterone, etc):  Nothing different that I know of yet.  Will meet with our RE once the MC is over to make a plan.   We were told to do a repeat SA after 3 months of DH being on clomid to see if we’ll be candidates for an IUI, but who knows maybe we’ll get another natural bfp again before needing AR….

Link to chart:  No point right now. 

What are your biggest challenges right now?  Being in limbo.  Wondering every morning if this will be the day I miscarry.

Current coping strategies/favourite inspirational quotes: Found this this morning on pinterest, thought it was quite fitting:

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny” -CS Lewis

<br /><br />

Post # 261
Member
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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desertgirl:  Our BFP was a surprise. We were going to start TTC at the end of this year in December originally. So after thinking about it for the past few weeks during the MC, we’re comfortable going back to that original plan and charting to avoid in the cycles between now and then. With my long cycles it’ll probably only be 4 until December anyway, which doesn’t sound that bad. 🙂

Post # 262
Member
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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MrsBananas:  I’m sorry to see another bee from the Feb. 2015 group here. So sorry this happened to you. Priya and I are veterans as well. We understand how you feel right now along with the other bees in this group. Take the time you need to cry, grieve, and finally to look forward to the future and moving forward. Hugs and love to you in this very difficult time.

Post # 263
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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MrsFairyBee:  Thank you for your kind words and welcome.  It’s nice to see some familiar faces here, even under such unfortunate circumstances.  And I’m happy to hear that your hcg levels has returned to normal, that must be a relief.  I’m considering calling my Dr and asking for more bloodwork.  I want to know where I am with all this. 

Post # 264
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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MrsFairyBee:  Glad to hear that your HCG is down.  I can totally relate to those ambivalent feelings…it’s a relief, but its also bittersweet.  I hope your cycle regulates quickly!

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MrsBananas:  So sorry you’ve found yourself here. I had my first (and only, so far) BFP at the beginning of April, and was diagnosed with a blighted ovum at 8 weeks during a dating ultrasound. My situation was a bit different, I guess, because my sac was measuring approx what would be expected for 8 weeks, and my HCG wasn’t falling, so my body really wasn’t catching on. Because of that, I got a D&C.  I hope things work out naturally for you, but if you end up needing a D&C, the process was physically very easy and simple. I hope that you get some helpful answers moving forward, and that your rainbow baby is just around the corner.

Post # 265
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

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priyawouldntwannabeya:  Your question is a totally normal and valid one. The big “when to try again?” My doctor told me to get a period after my miscarriage, and then wait one more cycle after that before trying again. But I had just had my MC and was still feeling pretty raw and thinking this guy must be out of his mind if he thinks I’m going to wait two cycles! I ended up switching doctors and practices (for other reasons). The new doctor cleared us to try as soon as I got my first post-MC period. Awesome! And then the waiting began…I was one of the lucky ones who got my first post-MC AF exactly four weeks after miscarriage. Unfortunately, my cycle is literally all over the place. I’m temping, OPKing, and measuring with the ClearBlue Fertility Monitor and my cycle is not only abnormal for me, I have good reason to think I’m now not ovulating. The reason I’m sharing this with you is that it sounds like you’re a planner like me. As the expression goes “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”. I focused sooooo much on when we should try again that I managed to completely ignore the fact that my body might not hit the “reset” button as quickly as my mind has.

It’s been 8 weeks since my miscarriage and it still hurts. This surprised me a lot because I’m not the emotional type or the kind of person who wallows instead of taking action. But there’s literally nothing I can do in this situation. One of my best friends asked me the other day what would make me feel better and the only thing I could think of is knowing, with certainty, that one day I’ll get to be someone’s mother. But I don’t have that guarantee and so I wait day after day hoping for something to work out.

Post # 266
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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mojitolady:  It’s been about 2 and a half months since my MC, and I still feel down a lot of the time too, and I agree that there really isn’t much anyone can do to make it better.  I’m also a “do-er/fixer”, and it’s really frustrating that we have so little control in this situation. When my doctor suggested taking a break from temping, my response was “are you kidding? give up the tiny amount of information I can actually grab hold of here?!” so obviously I didn’t take that advice.

This might sound crazy, but I’ve been looking at a ton of adoption related info lately. DH and I always thought we might adopt after having a couple biological kids, so I guess it will come in handy either way. I know that after one MC there’s no reason to think that I won’t give birth, but it kind of makes me feel the tiniest bit better to have some info about that route to motherhood.  It also could potentially just be adding fuel to the fire that is my obsession with all this stuff right now, who knows….

Anyways, I really hope your cycle cooperates and regulates for you soon!

Post # 267
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

<br />MrsBananas:  Sorry you’re here.  limbo was one of the main reasons I went for a D&C, I couldn’t handle waiting any longer and not knowing if each day would be the day. 

Magpie86: mojitolady:  I’m on my 3rd cycle TTC post MC (4th cycle since MC) and this last cycle my temps were a completely different pattern then before and everything just seemed confusing.  I do find these cycles harder.  It probably didn’t help after my first MC I got my second BFP after two cycles.  I feel like it should have happened again quickly, and now i’m afraid that the first two were flukes and it’s not going to happen again. 

With every BFN I find I get a bit stronger and a bit more relaxed because I know my planner side will make me super nuerotic if I keep focusing so hard on it.  I still have bad days (like sunday when I burst in to tears after AF showed up after high temps to 15 dpo), but I’m really trying to redirect my energy to other things.  I still temp, OPK and do all my vitamins so it’s not completely relaxed. 

 

 

Post # 268
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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banana330:  Yeah, maybe I will chill a little bit with time…I’m at the end of my first cycle trying after my MC, so it’s just tough to be back here again.

Ugh, sorry about the tricky temps and late-showing AF, what a tricky bitch she is sometimes. I hope your next cycle is back to normal.

Post # 269
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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Magpie86:  
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banana330:  Thank you.

So I just need to vent a little bit.  This limbo stage is killing me.  I’m supposed to have my next doctor’s appointment on Monday to see where I’m at but honestly I don’t know if I can make it that long.  I’ve had no spotting (except for tiny bit on Sunday night but I think that had to do with sex, sorry if TMI), no cramps, nothing that says natural passing will be happening anytime soon.  Every little twinge or cm movement has me running to the bathroom in fear.  I’m debating if I should call my Doctor and see if we can schedule a D&C sooner than what they had in mind.  I’m exactly 2 weeks from finding out my levels were dropping and this was inevitable.  I think that’s a long enough wait.  BUT I’m also torn because I have 2 good friends birthday celebrations this weekend and I’m not sure that I really want to miss it all b/c of an early procedure.  Selfish and silly I know but this is what I’m dealing with.  Ugh.

And now with no sign of natural passing in sight, I’ve even started to wonder if it’s possible for me to actually not expell anything?!  Is it possible for my body to reabsorb the sac?  I know my embryo is no longer there but what about the other stuff… Sorry for the long winded post…..

Post # 270
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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MrsBananas:  Limbo is the worst.  I couldn’t handle it and I asked for the D&C immediately, but I knew I couldn’t handle seeing the twins if it happened naturallya.  Just call your doctor and see if you can come in to discuss options.  They could maybe schedule the D&C for Monday that way you can still attend (if things haven’t started) and you’ll have an end date in mind.  I found the recovery from the D&C to be ok physically, but over did it with a bit too much walking (like 10km) too soon after.  You can still go out to dinners/parties if you feel up for it. 

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