- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Andthepupmakes3: Thank you for your kind words. I just feel like a failure. I failed to have my first pregnancy work out. I failed my husband. And I failed my family and friends. Everyone was so happy, and I feel like I let them down. It makes me even more sad to feel this way. I know, logically, it wasn’t anything I did. But I’m trying to process my guilty emotions.
MrsFairyBee: It was extremely painful calling my mom after my appointment. DH called his mom, and both our parents are crushed. I emailed my boss today to ask her to tell my other coworkers. I won’t be attending any meetings for work because social situations aren’t going to work for me. Everyone has been really supportive. I don’t have any friends who have gone through this, so I don’t really have anyone to talk to in my real life. I feel weak, and my friends can only say “I’m sorry” so many times before they can’t say anything else. I am letting my emotions out as they happen, but I feel better when I am alone. I don’t want to bring my DH down even more. His birthday is Saturday and I cannot express the grief I feel about ruining his birthday. I prefer to cry alone because it doesn’t affect anyone else. If that makes sense. I’m so sorry about your lunch. I can’t imagine how painful that was.
MrsBananas: I am so sorry that you are currently in this limbo stage as well. I would never wish this on anyone. I started spotting some with slight cramps, but I was thinking that may be due to the transvaginal ultrasound from yesterday. I hope your appointment goes well with the d&c. My mom had a d&c and then successfully had me. I have my next appointment on Thursday. It sounded like they will take another blood draw to look at my hormone changes. I’m assuming we will talk about what comes next if I have not had any progress in the mc by then. I just can’t imagine why my body is hanging on. It makes me so sad to know that I can’t do anything. I’m also sad about the situation with your friend. My best friend is due in November and we were so excited to be pregnant just a few months apart. I know when she has her baby girl it will be very difficult for me.
KatieBklyn: Thank you for the support and the quote. My doctor didn’t want to try a d&c first because she was worried about causing damage to my uterus and/or cervix. She wanted to go the natural route first. I suppose she knows best, althought it is hard. She gave me a pain pill script, which I filled for whenver this happens. I have my appointment next week to see her again, so if nothing happens I’m sure we will visit about that. I have been spotting dark blood today, but I think it was from my transvaginal ultrasound yesterday.
MrsNebraska: MrsBananas: I’m so sorry for your losses and that you’ve found yourself here. I wouldn’t wish that heartbreaking moment when the doctors tell you there is no longer a heartbeat on anyone in the world. I’m so so sorry that you have both been left in this limbo too. I hope your bodies manage to work themselves out soon and you manage to have everything happen naturally.
If you do have to have a D&C, please don’t worry! Whilst it was a bit of a different situation, I had to have an emergency D&C for retained products shortly after giving birth to Sophie as my uterus kept on filling back up with blood and not contracting like it should have. So from experience please don’t be afraid, as honestly, its really not that bad. They knock you out and I didn’t really have any pain afterwards, it was more of an ache, like I’d been punched in the stomach a few times – I’m still not sure if that was from the actual operation or just the awful hollow feeling because my stomach was now so empty. If your doc is nice they’ll also do a follow up scan a few days later to make sure everything is ok and give you a little bit of piece of mind after all this awfulness.
Be gentle on yourselves and Nebraska, please don’t ever think of yourself as a failure. Your little ones were obviously so wanted and so loved. Sending you both so much love and hugs xx
MrsFairyBee: Life can be so utterly crappy some days – I hope your feeling a little stronger today and had good support from your other friends who did know. xx
Magpie86: Congrats again lady! 🙂
GrannyPantiesRock: Sending huge hugs and strength to see you through your due date. I’ll be thinking of you xx
AFM I’m having a rough day. Today should have been my last day at work before starting maternity leave. Instead it is exactly two months since we said hello and goodbye to Sophie, and then just in case I needed any other reminders, her birth certificate just arrived in the post with the word stillborn written out in bold letters on it.
I’m trying so hard not to let negative thoughts take over and be positive, especially as I really don’t want the stress to affect the chances of our rainbow. But I am a mess today and have broken down in tears at work about 10times already. Somedays it just feels like life keeps testing to see just how far it can push you until you really do just break. Sorry, vent over 🙁
I’m sorry you had such a rough day. I cannot imagine your feelings right now. I also feel as though life is playing a cruel joke at times. I had ordered a bunch of cute baby clothes and maternity clothes from a sale a couple weeks ago. They came yesterday :\ I cried while opening the box. I had to box up all the books and items we had to put in my office. I told my husband and he said we’d get to use them someday. Then while watching tv every other commercial was either about babies or children. I saw DH shed a tear and it hurt so much. I’m hoping to eventually have positive days where I don’t cry multiple times. It just plain sucks to go through so much pain. And then when you slightly feel better, BOOM, another sad reminder of life.
A friend of mine just messaged me on Facebook asking if I wanted to have some of her maternity clothes (she just had a baby last week). I did not break down into tears replying to her about my missed mc, so I will accept that as a small win for today.
Another bee from the February 2015 babies board here…I don’t want to officially roll call yet because I’m still currently going through my miscarriage and I know it will be a little while before my body is ready to try again. My question for you guys is, for those of you who had a natural miscarriage, how long did it take?? I was exactly 10 weeks on Sunday when I started bleeding out of nowhere. My husband called my midwife and we ended up waiting until Monday morning to go see her. When she couldn’t find a heartbeat, she sent us to the hospital for bloodwork and an ultrasound. Sometime during all of that I started having regular contractions, and right after they did a transvaginal ultrasound(which showed an empty sac), my bleeding intensified like crazy and I started passing huge clots. The doctor offered medicine to speed it up or a d&c, but since I was already in the middle of it we just decided to finish it out naturally. I had contractions through Tuesday morning, and after that the big blood clots stopped. My pain and bleeding were both gradually getting better and Friday I hardly took any pain medicine. But I woke up today, Saturday, in a lot of pain…I could hardly walk. Finally in the early afternoon I passed a HUGE blood clot…almost the size of my fist! I immediately felt better, but still felt like there was pressure on my cervix, and now I’m in quite a bit of pain again, like 4 hours later. I’m afraid there’s another big clot that just can’t get out. It’s been about 7 days since my bleeding began…is it normal to still be passing such large clots?? Should I go see the doctor again? I’m supposed to go back on Wednesday for bloodwork to see where my HCG levels are at. I just want this all to be over with!!
On another note, I went back to work just for few hours yesterday since I was feeling better. Nobody at work knew I was pregnant yet, so I just told them all I had a stomach bug. I work with refugees, most of whom are from cultures where your status comes from how many children you have. None of my clients understand why I’ve been married for two years and don’t have babies yet. They ask me about having babies all the time. They tell me they pray for me to have babies. Most of them don’t even speak English but somehow they ALL know the word “baby.” It’s frustrating, but they don’t know any better because that’s what they’ve always known. I’m not overweight but I’m not stick thin either, and I get asked by clients fairly regularly if I’m pregnant. Within 20 minutes of getting to work yesterday, I had a client come into my office to ask me a question about a bill, and after I answered her she pointed to her stomach, pointed to me, and said “BABY???” I said “no, there’s no baby in there.” And then I had to turn around so I could calm down enough that the tears in my eyes didn’t overflow all over the place. It’s going to be really, really hard to go back to work full-time.
laceygrace: I’m so sorry for your loss and that you’ve had to go through such a painful mc experience. I really hope all the pain and bleeding stops soon for you, and sending lots of strength for when you do return to work full time.
Personally I didn’t find being a bit further along made a massive amount of difference to what the doctors said would happen- I bled for about 3weeks and AF arrived about 4weeks after that (7weeks in total). So possibly takes a little longer to regulate (I was told to expect about 6weeks), but this first real cycle does appear to be almost back to normal with positive opk on CD14 and expecting AF this weekend so have hope. As granny said everyone’s body does react differently but I pray your body doesn’t mess you around too much as no one deserves that added stress too.
On another board I use one of the ladies posted this link which I found helpful whilst waiting for my cycles to return: http://www.pregnancyloss.info/waitingforaf.htm
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