(Closed) Journey of TTC after miscarriage part 5

posted 8 years ago in TTC
Post # 526
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

I can only echo what Nebraska has said. I never thought I would smile genuinely again. Someday, you will. I pulled away, quit Facebook, stopped doing so much socially. Do what YOU need to do.

Post # 527
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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MrsNebraska:  First off, I am so sorry for your loss. Almost everything you wrote could be written by me right now. I had those same dark thoughts and it scared the crap out of me. I think I’m past that point now. It’s been almost two weeks since my D&C and I’m hoping my hormones level out a bit more because I still feel a bit out of control. I even have to take Tylenol PM or OTC sleeping pills to get to sleep sometimes because I’m so exhausted but I can’t turn my brain off. I lay in bed and think about my baby, replaying everything that happened, from finding out I was pregnant, to the horror of the emergency room. My mom sounds like yours, and we will be handling everything very similarly to you guys. Last time, we told my parents at 5 weeks. This time, I would definately wait much longer. Thank you for helping me validate my feelings a bit. I was feeling irrational and wondering why I was feeling worse with time, instead of better. I think it just feels more real now, and I’m slowly inching closer to the time when we will have to make a decision to TTC again. It scares me so much. But we have also decided to switch doctors, since I feel I got some bad advice from mine. I’m meeting with the new doctor to go over blood results and such from my last pregnancy, and see if there’s anything I need to do to prevent this from happening again. I know I’ll be a mommy someday. I just need to get past this somehow. Thank you so much for your kind words and I wish nothing but the best for you.

Post # 528
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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redux:  Thank you so much. I already deactivated my Facebook and that has helped. You’re right, I need to do what I need to do for ME. I need to be selfish right now and not be thinking about everyone else so much. I can’t wait to smile genuinely again!

Post # 529
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

At my SIL’s wedding this past weekend, one of the evening activities was sky lanterns. As I stood there with my husband in this beautiful vineyard on a clear night, I actually started crying, wishing into the universe for just one more healthy baby. The request seems so simple when I see how many babies are born every day, but somehow it still feels like I’m asking for a miracle.

I did talk to a friend who just had her second son five weeks ago, and I was a little mistly and I told her about our wish (uh oh, does that mean it won’t come true?!) and she said that she, too, miscarried in between her two sons and that, from what she can tell, it’s common and nothing to worry about. 

It made me feel a little better and a little more hopeful, but the hope I have now is scary. I just . . . so want this to my cycle. I want to move forward. I’m going to be so devastated if my period comes at the end of the week.

Post # 530
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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redux:  It always makes me feel better to hear about others who had this happen and ten went on to have healthy babies. I have had at least 5 people in the last week tell me about their miscarriage right before their son or daughter was born. 

Post # 531
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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GrannyPantiesRock:  I’m glad to hear someone else had a similar experience. I have decided I’m just not having the D&C. I saw everything come out and they didn’t see anything left on the ultrasound. I feel like my HCG would be higher because of the twin factor and my body probably just needs some time for it to go back down. 

Post # 532
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

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MrsNebraska:  I haven’t been checking the POAS board because it’s been too painful for me, but I just looked at the list and saw your rollover. I’m so sorry! 🙁 

Post # 533
Member
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Kay1126:  Thank you. And no need to thank me, I’m so glad I could help you make sense of some of your feelings. They are all 100% normal. And I will tell you, I was unprepared for the feelings that TTC and my first cycle of trying again. It was really hard to get AF again, especially since we are actively trying now. It was a surge of sadness, guilt, anger, and confusion. It is still hard to believe I lost the pregnancy, and AF just makes it so real. It was hard to brace for something like that, when to me, it shouldn’t even be happening. But now I know my cycles are X amount of days so it makes it a bit better for tracking it as far as the FW and O go. I keep trying to find the silver linings.

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redux:  That’s beautiful about the lanterns. I think I would make the same wish, for a healthy pregnancy. My mom told me she had a mc before she had my sister. And then she had me 8 years later. She said she was so scared during that second pregnancy, but when she had me she felt better since she knew she was capable of having a healthy pregnancy. At least I know I can get pregnant. A lot of women would trade everything to be in my position, so I try to keep that in mind. FX for you this week though! I will be thinking positive thoughts for positive tests!

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laceygrace:  Aww thank you! Hopefull October is our month. I’m hoping to have a buddy through my pregnancy that has also dealt with loss. I just don’t think I can deal with all the happy first time pregnant people…I know that sounds bad, but I feel like this group is so supportive that it would be great to have that continued support each week or month.

Post # 534
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

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MrsNebraska:  I understand completely. I don’t know why I torture myself looking at the other month boards…I wish all those happy first time pregnant people well, it’s just SO HARD. It would be so great if we both got our BFPs the same month, and so, so wonderful if it was next month!! TTC should be a fun time, and it’s just not.

Post # 535
Member
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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laceygrace:  I agree. TTC got the fun stripped right out of it. My DH is still happy about TTC. And I should be happy we even get the chance to. It’s just sucky that we even have to again. My FW is starting on Saturday and I should O on the 2nd. So hopefully we can get a BFP in Oct. I guess I’ll POAS the 16th. I’m a June baby myself, and my DH is a July baby so should we get good news in Oct it would be an end of June DD. That’s kind of exciting. 

Post # 536
Member
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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laceygrace:  
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MrsNebraska:  Good luck to you both this cycle! I can’t wait to be ttc in December, I’m so excited for it. I never really got to the first time around as that was a surprise but now this time I’m going to be so anxious about it all.

AFM, I’ve had nightmares the past two nights. The first was another BFP ending in early MC; I just couldn’t believe it was happening again…the second was I had a baby but forgot to take care of it for 3 days (which is my typical baby-related nightmare.) Oh and in the second one, I was trying to breast feed and my nipple broke off my boob…lovely. Why dreams why?!?

Anyone else have nightmares about this stuff?

Post # 537
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hey bees, I’m going to jump on this board. Short version: BFP on second month, missed MC in May at 9 weeks, D&C the next day, AF 4 weeks later, entering 5th cycle of TTC.

I’ll cut to the chase: Has anyone had issues/complications from the D&C that have made it harder to conceive. I’m paranoid that I now have scar tissue on my uterus.

Post # 538
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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alove31:  So sorry for you loss.  I had a D&C in April and was able to conceive again in July. Unfortunately, I MCed again this month.  I have heard about scar tissue but I think that it is rare. Lots of woman have went on to have healthy pregancies.  With that being said I still decided not to get the D&C this time to minimize the risk of issues plus I was measuring 5wks 4 days so the doctor thought it was ok to go natural.  I’m sure one time will not hurt but the risk probably goes up the more you have.  I have also heard the suction D&C is better. Hoping you get your rainbow baby soon!

Post # 539
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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desertgirl:  I’m sorry sorry for your losses. I agree, the one time was probably fine, but if I miscarry again, I’ll probably try to do it naturally. And I’m sure it’s rare. I’m just freaking myself out over here!

Post # 540
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

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MrsNebraska:  good luck this weekend! I think I O’d on Wednesday, but I’m not positive since my cycle has been so weird since the mc! My temps pre-o were higher than normal, and I had plenty of EWCM, but it stopped completely two days before O! And I got a positive OPK three days in a row. And the worst part is that DH got sick with a bad cold the day that I think O’d, and we tried to BD, but he just couldn’t! Poor guy, he was so frustrated because I was upset(not at him at all, just at the situation…he gets sick like, twice a year, and it HAD to be during our FW.) and because that’s never happened to him before. He was wiped out for two days, so we didn’t get to BD last night either, which I was fine with because I thought I O’d already, but today my temp dropped again. My temps have always been so consistent before, so I don’t know what’s going on. If I did O on Wednesday, we got O-1 O-2 and O-4, so that’s not bad, except for my lack of EWCM the last two days. Just praying that I did O on Wednesday…but it seems like everything is against us this cycle, so I don’t have my hopes up at all. Ugh. Sorry that was way Too Much Information 🙂 If I don’t get AF by October 8, I’ll POAS then.

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MrsFairyBee:  December will be here before you know it! It’s already almost October, which is so crazy. I’ve had baby dreams, but I don’t think they’ve ever been nightmares! (lol about the nipple one…that is scary!)

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alove31:  I didn’t have a D&C, so I can’t help, but I am very sorry about your loss.

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