- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Hi everyone, I’m new here, although I’ve been lurking for quite some time. All your stories have helped me immensely through TTC and my miscarriages. Thought I would finally join in!
Status (MC cycle/rest cycle/TTC cycle): Rest cycle, waiting for the ok to TTC again.
MC History: Natural MC at 9 weeks in July 2013 after hearing a strong heartbeat 3 days prior, blighted ovum at 8 weeks in Dec 2013 w/ a D&C.
Issues (if any): I sought the advice of 4 different OBs who all told me to just try again. I ignored them and went to a fertility specialist anyway and she found a uterine septum and that I have slight hypothyroidism. Also saw a urologist who found that DH had a varicocele causing poor morphology & slightly elevated sperm DNA fragmentation.
Action Plan for next TTC cycle (ie Baby Aspirin, progesterone, etc): I just had a hysteroscopy to remove the uterine septum, I’m on thyroid meds and my levels are being monitored by my fertility doc. I need to wait another cycle to heal from surgery and then go in for an ultrasound to see if I am healed enough to TTC. She also plans to put me on baby aspirin and progesterone. My husband had surgery to repair the varicocele 2 months ago. One more month and we’ll do another SA to see if it’s improved. He’s also on a heavy vitamin regime. The last four months have felt like non-stop doctor appointments, tests, surgeries…..ack!
Link to chart: Giving myself a break from charting 🙂
What are your biggest challenges right now? With my first pregnancy/miscarriage I shared a due date with my best friend, with my second pregnancy/miscarriage I shared a due date with my SIL. That has been the hardest thing for me through this – watching their pregnancies grow and hit milestones at the same time I should have. I feel like such a failure, and also feel so guilty when I avoid them or can’t feel super happy for them. Also getting through all the testing, procedures & surgeries was very stressful, especially because we had to schedule it around my husband’s crazy work travel schedule (he is a consultant and normally travels every Mon – Thurs, but a few months ago was needed in Germany for 2 months!) It was tough managing all of that, especially when we would get bad news on test results. Now that most of that is behind us, I am feeling better but getting more and more scared about trying again…I feel hopeful because we’ve fixed so many issues, but terrified at the same time!
Current coping strategies/favourite inspirational quotes: Trying to enjoy all the things I wouldn’t be able to if I were pregnant or with kids – traveling often, enjoying lots of wine, sleeping in, etc. I’ve been seeing a therapist who specializes in all pregnancy related mental health issues and it’s been really helpful to help process all my feelings and learn ways to cope. I also try to stay off Facebook, although that never lasts 🙂
Well today was my first day back to work after my D&C. Can you believe that the moment that I walk in this lady screams across the courtyard. Hey Jessica are you pregnant again? I was like no! She says oh I thought your purse was hiding it. Then she says. No offence!! Ugh!! Not how I wanted to start my day back. Then last night I went to the ER cause I was bleeding and passing lots of clots. They checked me out and said I was ok. The rest of my day was ok. No one really asked any questions so that was good. Today is my Birthday so my husband is bringing me some goodies and I think I will crack open a bottle of wine. Hope everyone is having a better day than me.
If you all are praying people, my husband left today to go to Florida to be with his dad and to see his mom who, barring a miracle, seems to be dying. It’s hard not being with him (not because of general Bee-level separation anxiety) right now. I visited my sister in the hospital today. She had a gastric bypass in the fall and has had four surgeries since then & she’s in bad shape/WAY over-medicated. He husband is a bit of a friendly douche (compared to a 100% douchey-douche) who isn’t communicating with the rest of the family, so I’m going to track her doctor down at the hospital tomorrow to at least tell him our concerns, even if he can’t disclose much. It’s starting to hit me that she may not get better, though she’s definitely in better shape than DH’s mom. Both of their situations could have been prevented, so that makes me angry too, on top of my regular miscarriage seething. I hate feeling helpless.
ALSO, I’m now in my TWW. Sorry, Too Much Information, but my nipples are the size of saucers, but I’m only 4dpo, so no implantation and my body is f**king with me yet again. Attitude of gratitude, attitude of gratitude…
this is from my iPad, so sorry for any made up words & typos.
Thanks for the welcome to the board.
It’s been 10 mos since my first MC and 5 months since my 2nd MC, and although on the whole I’m feeling stronger and happier, I still get so sad. I can still cry so easily about it all. My SIL is about 7 months along now, exactly where I should be, and even though I’m excited to be an aunt for the first time, I still get so sad around her, maybe because it’s becoming so real now. She’s got the cutest bump, and she and my brother are starting to decorate the nursery, doing hospital tours, and her shower is in a few weeks. DH and I are getting closer to being able to try again (perhaps next cycle?) which is exciting but emotional/scary. And I’ve been trying so hard not to wish this time away….I know it’s precious time with my DH and freedom we’ll never get again. But it’s so hard when your heart is broken to not want time to go by faster!
funny, it seems like I just roll called on the April POAS and December mama thread…wait. That’s because I did. Sh*t. Obviously that didnt work out so well, and now I just kind of feel in limbo.
like some of you have said, there’s no one besides my mom, my hubs, and one friend that I can talk about this with in real life…so I’m sorry that I found you ladies here, but selfishly glad.
Status (MC cycle/rest cycle/TTC cycle):
Still in what I guess is MC cycle from an ectopic, about 10 days post surgery. Waiting on a period in a few weeks to start counting cycles.
now: ectopic diagnosed…gosh, 2 weeks ago tomorrow. Treated with methotrexate, but ended up being one of the lucky 10% it doesn’t work for (of course, that’s of the 2% of pregnancies that are ectopic in the first place…yay.) ruptured Easter weekend, lost the right tube.
Issues (if any):
doc said the ovaries both look good and leftie looks good.
Creeping up on the “advanced maternal age” cut off…I’m 34
terror that when we try again it’ll be ectopic again and ill lose leftie and with it any chance to conceive without I’ve…does that count as an issue? 🙂
Action Plan for next TTC cycle (ie Baby Aspirin, progesterone, etc):
ill head to my follow up later this week so i will know more then, but it’ll be a cycle or two before we try again because of A. Sitches B. have to get the all clear from the doc before we BD again C. Conflicting info about how long I have to wait because of the methotrexate shot
unless doc says otherwise, will be restarting prenatals (had to stop because of the mtx) to get the folic acid going, restarting the excercise program, and getting back on eating well…post surgery food was either crackers or my husbands cooking (pizza)
oh yeah, and since I’m at least one cycle, maybe 2 or 3, out from being able to try, I see a couple glasses of wine in my future.
Link to chart:
What are your biggest challenges right now?
Irrational jealousy of all the mommies I see out and about…I swear, it’s like they know my schedule and follow me en masse to lunch, the post office, the grocery store…thank goodness I work at home.
Fear. I miss rightie. not just because I’d had him…as long as I can remember. Also because now I feel broken, like I’m failing at this, like I waited too long and this is what I get for trying to wait till we were at least mostly being responsible. Fear that itll happen again. fear that without rightie and with my age my statistical chances are dropping quickly. Lame, I know. Self pitying, i know. This part will pass, won’t it?
Current coping strategies/favourite inspirational quotes:
well, since I have some cycles to kill, wine.
working on learning to knit…slowly
i work. A ton.
Wow! So sorry that was a huge post. Oops.
Roll call: Well I’m coming out of lurking also. I got my BFP the beginning of march. Discovered twins with healthy heartbeats. Follow up ultra sound showed no heartbeats at 9 weeks. I was pretty much the most depressed i have ever been. It’s been two weeks now and I’m starting to feel better mentally and emotionally. The change in my bodies hormones was absolutely crazy and made the situation so much worse. I’m just ready to move on though.
Status (MC cycle/rest cycle/TTC cycle): I’m in my MC cycle still…..peed on stick and it is still positive so there is def still hcg in my body. Never thought I’d be wishing for a BFN while ttc lol. We plan on trying again right away. Does anyone know if I will ovulate before I get my first real period again? I know I’ve heard of people getting pregnant after miscarriages without a period in between.
MC History: Issues (if any): Action Plan for next TTC cycle (ie Baby Aspirin, progesterone, etc): I’ve had 1 healthy pregnancy and 1 miscarriage. I’m not going to do anything differently next cycle since the doctor thinks it was just a complication of twins. I plan on using opks and mucinex again. If I miscarry again I’ll ask about aspirin and progesterone
What are your biggest challenges right now? Two things. First I am dealing with guilt. I never wanted twins in my life so when I found out they were twins I can’t say I was thrilled. BUT I never wanted them to die. I sometimes have irrational thoughts that they could sense my fear and felt like I didn’t love them and that somehow caused me to lose them. I know that’s ridiculous but I can’t help but feel that way sometimes.
The other thing that sucks is that I would have been 11 weeks along right now so all of a sudden my Facebook feed is filling up with other people announcing pregancies with due dates right around mine. I’m sure there will be more in upcoming weeks. I might need to take Facebook vacation.
I’m finding this waiting portion before being able to try again really hard. it’s like i’ve already spent the last 6 months being pregnant/not pregnant, I just want to move forward and start again!
Our parents are not exactly helping the situation, either. They aren’t great with dealing with sad things in general, and I feel like there’s just this expectation that I need to suck it up and not rain all over my brother and SIL’s parade. And it’s not like I want to rain on their parade, but… I wouldn’t mind if everyone could just acknowledge that it really, really sucks for me. Instead, it feels like everyone just feels like it sucks that they can’t barf their joy all over the place. I’m like, “wow, I’m sorry that the worst thing that ever happened to me is inconveniencing you so much.”
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