- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
It’s been a while, thought I’d see how everyone is doing. This is my first holiday season on this thread and if the way I’m feeling is any indication, this can potentially be a difficult time. Seeing people you don’t normally see, family and friends, can bring painful reminders or questions about very personal things. DH and I took a break from TTC after my mmc in August/D&C in early September. I feel like I’m in a better place, though there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about how far along I should be. Since then, we’ve moved into our first house and I’ve lost 13 pounds, working on losing a little more (I’m slightly above the normal BMI for my height.) We plan to TTC again after this cycle (I’m currently on CD12). I will be seeing a few pregnant friends/relatives I’ve managed to avoid and it makes my stomach turn that I have a hard time being happy for them without being jealous or bitter. My mom also seems to think I need more time to heal “emotionally” when I think getting pregnant is the only thing that will truly make me complete, so I am choosing to keep our renewed TTC attempts to myself. Overall though, I feel like I’m in a better place. How is everyone else doing?
SoontobeMrs0831: So sorry for your loss. I’m glad your surgery went well and I hope you are healing nicely. I too had to wait for my doctor who was late for my D&C. They did not tell me why he was late but I do remember the nice pregnant lady taking my blood before the procedure. It’s just not fair how life works sometimes.
MrsNebraska: Ugh! What a jerk! Some people just should not talk! Sorry you had to go through that.
AFM: I had my RE appt yesterday and most of my blood work came back good except my Vit D was low. He has a 45 day plan for me that includes several supplements and medications to try and get my immune system up because he thinks that might be the cause as well. So I will not be TTC till Feb or March now but if this is what is needed for a sticky baby I will take it. Hope everyone enjoys their holidays as much as you can. Heres to hoping 2015 is our year!
I think I’m officially the only one from last years board to still be here.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions lately. My dad came down and took DH and I out for lunch this past weekend. He straight up asked us if we are trying to get pregnant again. I told him no. He was asking about us moving and I told him we weren’t sure what we would do, which is unfortunately true because DH and I have stopped talking about moving because it always ended in fights. So I told my dad we weren’t TTC anymore because we weren’t sure what we would be doing in May. Then he asked me if I was ok medically to TTC. Sigh. I get that he’s concerned but last time he visited he asked the same exact questions. I could not regret more telling everyone about our 1st pregnancy. I regret it every day, which sucks. And a girl I graduated with just announced her pregnancy on FB and she’s due on my birthday, 6 days before my 2nd EDD would be. I’m just struggling through emotions that I should be pregnant now from the first time and then pregnant from the 2nd time.
And we will be around our baby nephew over Christmas eve and Christmas morning (his first Christmas). And my Brother-In-Law wants us to drive 4 hours for his 1st birthday. DH wants to go but I honestly don’t because it is right near my EDD. I am feeling angry, selfish, and emotional. I wish EVERYONE would respect that I don’t want to be around babies or children, and I don’t feel like I should have to hold my nephew at all. I tell DH this and he says he understands but he doesn’t help deflect questions or baby holding! He encourages us to go to the stupid birthday party. I wish they’d leave me out of the baby stuff. 🙁
So I’ve been MIA because honestly I just couldn’t handle being on the boards and seeing the BFP and am I pregnant threads right now. Last week my cousin passed away, so after loosing my dad 4 weeks ago, finding out about the MMC, my cousin passing and my DHs family being jerks (we haven’t been on speaking terms with his parents for almost a year) we were told by his grandparents that we weren’t welcome for Christmas because if we go my ILs won’t attend. On top of all that I started misoprostol on the weekend. I know the OB said it would be painful but honestly it was a nightmare. I couldn’t even hold water down, when I tried to take the pain meds they would come right back up. I’m still dealing with a lot of guilt as well, even though I know that my baby had passed and had no heartbeat, I can’t help but feel like I killed my baby.
So I’m just laying low for awhile, wishing that the holiday season passes as quick as possible so a new year can start that is hopefully a lot better. I thought I’d want to take a break from TTC to honestly I think I’m ready next cycle, at this point I feel like I could use something happy to look forward too and so could my family.
I feel silly roll-calling in this board, so many of you have gone through much more than I have, but I don’t feel like I belong anywhere else right now. And I just want somewhere to vent and ask questions if needed.
Status (MC cycle/rest cycle/TTC cycle): MC cycle
MC History: This is my first MC. We were TTC for 6 months when I finally got a faint BFP on Thanksgiving. I went to my GP to confirm the following week and had two good HCG levels. Later in the week I started spotting brown and had some mild/ medium cramping. I went back into my doctors the following week and was told that my HCG level had dropped, and that I will likely MC. I finally MC on December 15.
Issues (if any): shorter LP (9-11 days on average)
Action Plan for next TTC cycle (ie Baby Aspirin, progesterone, etc): Lose some weight. B6 for my short cycles, possibly Vitex, more playing around with vitamins and supplements. I’m so sick of feeling like a science experiment. I was so happy to be done with that.
Link to chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/4aea00
What are your biggest challenges right now? Getting through Christmas. I was so excited to be announcing our pregnancy to our families for Christmas, and now I just feel empty. I am a little fearful that my family will ask when we are planning to start a family and so on. Normally they stay off our backs about it, but with this MC happening so close to the holidays I just have more anxiety. I also finished up/ am finishing up other things soon with school and my student teaching placement, so it feels like everything is ending all at once.
Current coping strategies/favorite inspirational quotes: I’m trying to focus on getting healthier and losing some weight before we can officially start trying agian. I just want my sticky bean.
Status (MC cycle/rest cycle/TTC cycle): rest cycle
MC History: I have a 13 month old daughter but have had 2 consecutive MC’s within the past 6 months.
Issues (if any): My OB hasn’t noticed any definite issues. He only says I may still be recovering from having my daughter…I think there may be an underlying issue though.
Action Plan for next TTC cycle (ie Baby Aspirin, progesterone, etc): Not really sure what else I could do. I’ll continue taking my vitamins, eating healthy, drinking lots of water, etc. If there is anything else I should do to help then I’m more than willing
Link to chart:
What are your biggest challenges right now? I am no longer sure when I want to TTC. I would love to have at least another child, but I’m afraid that I’ll miscarry again. I’m not sure that I’m emotionally ready to handle another loss. My last miscarriage happened on my birthday, and my husband had bought me “pregnancy-related” gifts, which made the situation even worse for the both of us. He’s ready for another try, but I am now more hesitant. I think right now it’s just a matter of being emotionally ready before trying again.
Current coping strategies/favorite inspirational quotes: I am grateful for my little girl. She has definitely taken my mind off of both MC’s, and I feel like my normal self when I’m with her.
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<br style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1000000px;” /><br style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1000000px;” />Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/journey-of-ttc-after-miscarriage-part-6/#ixzz3Mg7PxPke
So I thought my bleeding was tapering off around Friday, and I started just wearing panty liners. But now I am seeing this thick, dark red pooling. I usually don’t feel it drop, it just does whenever it feels like. Sometimes it doesn’t even really stick to the pad, just me. us this normal? I just want this to be over so I can move on.
So far I only had one question about when we were planning on having kids, from a male cousin just a little older than me. So even if I did answer suspiciously, he probably wouldn’t have picked up on it. I usually love Christmas. This year I can’t wait to get back home after it’s all over.
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