(Closed) Journey of TTC after miscarriage part 6

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 227
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1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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4littlekitties:  what the fucking fuck.  This is so unfair.  I hope you are treating yourself kindly right now. I hate that the majority of the time, there’s no way to know which pregnancy will be our rainbow baby and which ones are lost causes.  I’m sending tons of positive thoughts your way. 

Post # 228
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1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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auggiefrog:  Glag to hear you were able to tell your mom, and that that was helpful.  I am also hoping that we get pregnant again quickly, but I feel like I will be so nervous through the first tri.  I mean, miscarriage was pretty much my biggest fear and it happened…  I feel like it will be even harder to trust that things are going okay.  Right now we are planning to just take off the one cycle that’s recommended and then try again, so no huge agenda items… we are planning to do some skiing in the meantime since we were planning to skip it this year when I was pregnant.  I’ve been eating all comfort food all the time since I found out about the MMC last Monday.  I suppose I should start eating healthier food.  And exercising more…. I was so exhausted and nauseous when I was pregnant that I didn’t do much in terms of working out.

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MrsNebraska:  So true that it’s tough to adjust to not being X weeks pregnant.  It is so bizarre.  It sounds like your DH is trying to be helpful, but you’re right, it’s just different for guys, I think.  Are moving and TTC mutually exclusive for you guys?  Congrats on your weight loss, that is really impressive.

 

I feel like I’m trying to fill my head with other things– like redecorating the living room, planning ski trips, picking out new lamps for our bedroom.  Then eventually I have to stop doing those things and have to start feeling crappy again.  Ugh.    An acquaintance announced her pregnancy on FB today with a picture…. based on the pic she’s probably a few weeks ahead of where I was.

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Post # 229
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4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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MrsNebraska:  It sounds like you’ve done a lot to get ready again.  Great job on the weight loss!  I definitley get the feeling right now about when I should start TTC again.  I really want to start ASAP, but I’m also finishing up a teaching certification, and know that if I am lucky enough to find a job that I like right away, and lucky enough to get my sticky bean right away I wouldn’t qualify for FMLA.  But right now I just remind myself that I haven’t been lucky in either area, so I might as well just start TTC as soon as I can.  It would have been so much more convient if I had gotten pregnant with my forever baby sooner, but I’ve never been lucky like that I guess.  

Post # 230
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959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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SaltedCaramel:  Thank you for the compliment. Losing weight has helped me through both losses. It’s the one thing I actively have control over, and that has helped. Also the physical aspect of just having an hour to myself each day has helped me work through anger I have. Plus I just feel better in general.

I have so many mixed thoughts on moving and ttc. I don’t really want to start a new job and move across the state while pregnant. It seems like a bad idea with starting a new job across the state and all that. I know I am changing jobs in May. DH isn’t sure he wants to move in May though. Yesterday he literally said moving in May seemed rushed and we wouldn’t have enough time. Two minutes later he said he was under the assumption we’d be moving. WTF. This is the daily confusion I have and it doesn’t help me any. I have been thinking that maybe I could get pregnant this new year and start a new job in May. DH’s family is 30 minutes away so they could help with a baby when I returned to work. I also know a lot of college students who are capable baby sitters for a couple hours at a time if I needed it. And my mom has 4 days a week off. It makes sense to have a baby while we are living in the town we’re at now. But DH isn’t sure he wants to stay here for a year. Sigh…I have so many thoughts and ideas! Wish DH would make up his mind.

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auggiefrog:  Ugh this exactly. It would have been so convenient for me to have been where I could be both times I was pregnant. It sucks! Now I’m in the weird limbo job and moving stage. Nothing seems to be lined up right when it comes to timing. It doesn’t help my DH cant make up his mind. Yesterday he told me he’d like to go to a graduate school and all this starting this Fall. Ugh things got so confusing now he doesn’t know what he wants. It’s really making this all harder on me.

Post # 231
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Another day, another pregnancy announcement.  It seems like I can’t log onto FB without seeing more.  It’s only been a week since I learned about my MMC but I am dying to get pregnant again… it feels like the days are going by in slow motion.  I guess it probably doesn’t help that things are slow at work due to the holidays.  I’m not very self motivated at the moment.

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auggiefrog:  That is so frustrating about the timing and your teaching cert.  I am also feeling annoyed as the timing for our first pregnancy would have been better…. I was so excited to get a BFP right away and felt like the timing was perfect.  As far as FMLA, some states have laws requiring employers to hold your job… I’m in Massachusetts and there’s a state law requiring 8 weeks of job protected, unpaid leave even if you don’t qualify for FMLA.  Maybe something like that could be a backup (obviously assuming that both BFP and job will work out in your favor asap!!).

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MrsNebraska:  That sounds confusing and annoying!!!  Does your DH know how much his indecision is driving you nuts?  It seems like he needs to figure out what he wants to do, so that you can at least figure out which decisions the two of you are trying to make right now.

Post # 232
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1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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MrsNebraska:  Ugh, I’m so frustrated for you. If only you could “accidentally” leave your computer open to this page so your DH could see how the indecisiveness is messing with you. But I’m totally against mind games, I was just thinking I wonder if he knows/understands how this is affecting you. I hope you guys can come to some decisions soon.

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SaltedCaramel:  I hear ya on the announcements. I actually deactivated FB in late August when I found out about my mmc. I miss it sometimes but it’s better for me to be off it for now. I THOUGHT I was being safe being on Instagram and being very careful about who I followed but they threw me a curve ball today. Out of nowhere, Instagram suggested I follow DH’s friend’s wife, who is currently right around where I would have been in my pregnancy (our EDD’s were less than a week apart and she doesn’t know about my pregnancy/mc). And of course, her page isn’t private. So of course I unwillingly saw a pic of her smiling on the beach on her babymoon with her belly perfectly displayed since she was in a bikini. Cause I needed that.

AFM, I am in my first TWW. (For those who didn’t know, we took a few months off TTC because I just wasn’t ready.) I’m NOT enjoying it. As much as I try to be against symptom spotting, I totally think I’m doing it and convincing myself that I’m pregnant. And I still have a week before I can test. Happy new year to me! 

Post # 233
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4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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Kay1126:  Good Luck girl!  

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SaltedCaramel:  I guess I never looked up the FMLA laws in my state, I just assumed. I’ll have to remember to do that sometime.  I hate thinking of the could-have-beens, but if we got pregnant right away I would have had two months off between finishing my certification and baby, and even if I didn’t MC I could have subbed in the spring, then potentially would have had a month or two off before baby.  Now at earliest I’m looking at a November or December baby, and it’s a lot harder figuring that out in my career plans.  I guess I chose a really bad time for a career change! 

I think my spotting/ bleeding has stopped!  I’m kind of excited because I’ve had something going on down there for over three weeks, and it will be nice for it to be quiet.  I’m thinking of initiating a little something-something with DH tonight, but I’m a little worried too. I guess I’m worried that I’ll start spotting or bleeding again.  

How long did you wait to begin sexual relations with your partners?  Was the first time afterwards different in any way? 

Post # 234
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1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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auggiefrog:  Thanks! I’m sure I’m SO not the norm, but we didn’t have sex until 3.5 weeks after my D&C. We were “allowed to” after 2 weeks, I just didn’t feel ready. I was still very emotional and frankly, scared it would hurt. It ended up feeling great physically, but I cried afterwards because it brought a bunch of emotions flooding to the surface. The main thing was that we were using a condom for the first time in years since we had decided not to TTC right away, so I was very aware that we were actively preventing the one thing I want most. If you plan to TTC right away, I would imagine it wouldn’t be as dramatic! But physically, no complaints! And no spotting. Good luck! I remember how great it felt to get back to being “us.”

Post # 235
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Hi ladies.

It doesn’t seem this board has been extremely active lately, maybe I’m a little too dependent on it? Now that a new year is upon us, I just wanted to say that I hope 2015 is the year for all of us, whether you are a newcomer or have been on this board for months. I’m usually not one to become reflective on the past year or make resolutions for the new one, but God am I glad 2014 is over. I can’t express how much this thread has helped me, and I think of you ladies often. I wish and hope and pray that this year will bring more happy tears than sad ones for all of us. Sticky baby dust to all! XOX

Post # 236
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108 posts
Blushing bee

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Kay1126:  thank you for those kind words. I totally understand your feeling. I have been reading this board for a while… I started reading from the original thread a couple of years ago until I felt strong enough to share my experience. almost nobody knows of my miscarriages (the last one not even my Mom), so that’s why is so important for me to be here. 

I am also really happy that 2014 is over! let’s think positive and let’s hope that 2015 bring us that baby! God knows it has been raining a lot in my life, I am ready for that rainbow! 

Post # 237
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

Don’t you hate when people at dinner start talking about how easy they got pregnant and nine months later… Healthy baby! Come on be more sensitive asshole, in particular cause you know we have had three losses! I excuse myself and I will stay here in the restroom to give them time to finish talking about that! I am so pissed off!

Post # 238
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1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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PenelopeQ:  Ugh, some people can be so insensitive. My only coworker who knows about my miscarriage (and had one herself before going on to have 2 healthy babies) is always harping on how I have no idea what tired is because I don’t have kids. I’ll ask how they are and look at pictures, no problem. But don’t complain constantly about how hectic your life is and how your children changed your life negatively (always tired, no time to see friends, etc) when you know I want nothing more than to have those problems!

Post # 239
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959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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SaltedCaramel:  
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Kay1126:  I finally sat DH down and told him how much his indecision was hurting me. I really don’t think he understood how much mental torture I was feeling. I laid out everything I said like I did on here.

So we finally decided to move! I feel so relieved knowing what we are going to do in May. I’m sad about not TTC for probably another year, but I am so happy to be leaving the current town I’m in and moving to a place with better opportunities for us career-wise. We also revisted buying a house, which could be doable in a few years with the right jobs. I think staying where we are would make us both unhappy in the long run, so I’m fine with putting TTC on hold. I’m still quite young and have a lot of stuff I could do to keep me occupied until then 🙂 He was fine with staying and trying, which made me happy to know it wasn’t just me who wanted to TTC. So now at least I can stay occupied with searching for rental houses and jobs!

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PenelopeQ:  Yes! Anytime anyone who knows about our mmc brings up having babies or when we will have kids or jokes about us having kids I get very offended and pissed off! Just don’t say anything to me about starting a family and I’m fine! It’s really not that hard to not bring up a very sensitive subject you know. The amount of people who are insensitive about comments makes me mad.

Post # 240
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4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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MrsNebraska:  Yey for getting your DH to make a decission!  

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Kay1126:  

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PenelopeQ:  Sorry you girls have to deal with insensitive people, esspecially thosse who know what your going through.   

Post # 241
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1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Kay1126:  It has been quiet.  Maybe in part due to the holidays?  I agree, such a helpful thread.

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PenelopeQ:  Ugh that stinks!!  People can be so insensitive.

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MrsNebraska:  It’s great that you finally have a plan!!!  That must feel so nice.  

 

Have any of you talked with your providers about more/closer medical monitoring when you get pregnant again?  I have my follow up on Tuesday and have been thinking about this.  I feel like I’m going to be a nervous wreck through the entire first tri the next time I get pregnant.  At this point I’m not really worried about getting pregnant, but very worried about staying pregnant.  I was already worried about that the last time around, and I had no reason to worry.  And now I do, sooo… I don’t know if they would do anything differently but thinking of bringing this up (more ultrasounds?  bloodwork?  magically speeding up time?  other?).

I guess even if I had lots of ultrasounds, I would still worry… the last time, I had an early u/s at 5w6d due to bleeding.  We saw the heartbeat and the baby measured 5w5d.  We learned at 10w2d that the baby stopped growing around 6w.  So I guess I’d always think, things were okay yesterday, but what about today?

Just wondering what others’ conversations with their OBs/midwives have been like.

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