(Closed) Journey of TTC after miscarriage part 6

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 242
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4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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SaltedCaramel:  I haven’t talked with my doctor about this, but it’s something I’ve thought about.  I don’t have any planned appointments, but it’s something I planned on asking about the next time I get pregnant.  I would be fine with some extra betas to make sure everything is moving along as it should until I can see her for the first prenatal at 8 weeks.  But I agree, I think I’ll be pretty nervous the next time around.  I’m excited with the thought of getting pregnant again, but in dread of potentially having to go through this all over again.  

Post # 243
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1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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SaltedCaramel:  I switched OB’s after my mmc. I had been with my OB for 10 yrs, but could not handle the memories associated with going to her office after my mc. I also did not feel that she had been thorough in my care. There’s a lot I won’t get into. But my new OB seems to be overly cautious. I don’t know what exactly will be done to monitor my next pregnancy, but she sent me and Darling Husband to a genetic counselor once I switched to her. I had been far enough in my first pregnancy that they sent me for genetic testing (Counsyl). Darling Husband and I were both found to be heterozygous carriers of MTHFR. My old OB didn’t seem to care, but my new OB sent us to a genetic counselor to make sure I didn’t need to be on any additional supplements. 

I would definitely bring it up. Personally, I think I’m going to be a nervous wreck either way, because I also had one good and promising ultrasound the first time. But I do think extra betas and monitoring would give me piece of mind. Right now, all I know is to obviously call my OB when I get a BFP. Beyond that, I’m assuming I’ll have to ask for additional monitoring.

Post # 244
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764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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MrsNebraska:  Congrats on Darling Husband making a decision And for you being open with him!

Many thanks to everyone for your kind words over the holidays. Puerto Rico was great, and there were no complications with the mc. I stopped bleeding around half way through. It was beautiful, we did some cool things, but I don’t remember much of it and really feel like I never went (we were there a full week.) it was hard being with his family. I had a breakdown one night & sent everyone off to dinner without me (Including Darling Husband – I needed to do some loud crying). I asked him to tell them I didn’t go because of the mc; he told them, but just that I was tired. No one acknowledged anything when they got back. I ended up sleeping 24 of 31 hours when I got back and four hours the following night. I took some melatonin last night, which helped.

i totally want to quit my job. I don’t know how to keep doing this if I may have more mcs in my future. im probably still hormonal, but I’ve told Darling Husband that this whole process is hell, and now that we’ve had four consecutive MCs, I don’t see an end in sight. I’ve never loved my job, and now I’m totally checked out. Which is stressful, even if it’s self-imposed. It really started this summer, when I passed my first due date. I was going to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. The cycles of taking pills & shots, followed by a week of forced sex, followed by a week of mental rest, followed by a week of symptom-spotting, ideally followed by a pregnancy (which makes it hard for me to pay attentio/care at worK) that will be stressful makes me want to curl up in a ball. Facing all of this is almost just as upsetting as the pregnancy loss.

In a perfect world, I’d quit and volunteer part-time doing something social service-related (I might change careers if the kid thing doesn’t work). If we had a kid, I wouldn’t be working right now anyway. Darling Husband is dismissive, but I don’t think he knows how serious I am, which makes me angry. I have a history of major depression and am in recovery, and while I don’t expect a free pass for these things or want to take advantage of anything, I think making things smaller would be good for my mental health. I’d quit TTC, but women do get pregnant after multiple MCs, but i may have a few more in my future. And, dammit, I want to deliver a baby. Thinking about this has been my distraction. This and having Taylor Swift’s Blank Space on repeat in my head. I hope they’re both unrelated.

TL/dr version: I want to quit my job and am looking for people to tell me that I should 🙂 otherwise, like most people, I’m on an emotional rollercoaster. I’m re-googling the same articles that I did this time last year. It stinks.

Post # 245
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1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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SaltedCaramel:  They did weekly ultrasounds for my second. Starting at 6 weeks everything measured behind. Saw the hb a week later than was normal, growth was always behind. So I knew I was going to MC eventually. It was like watching a slow motion train wreck. I don’t know if I want that again. There really is no reassurance to be had. A hb can be there at 6, 7, 8 weeks and then be gone at 9. 

Post # 246
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

For some reason I’m not getting notifications in this thread, even when someone tags me in a post.  Weird.

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auggiefrog:  Betas are a good idea too.  I don’t know that there’s a way around the anxiety, though.

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Kay1126:  Sounds like the new OB is making you feel much more comfortable.  Did anything come out of the genetic counseling visit?

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GrannyPantiesRock:  Ugh, that is awful.  You’re right, it sounds brutal to watch a slow motion train wreck…. though I guess part of me is still processing that I didn’t know for a month that things were not okay.  So as much as it’s horrible news anytime, I feel like it would be not as horrible to know a little bit earlier (ie with frequent ultrasounds or something).  I don’t know.

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4littlekitties: Definitely a tough time to try to appreciate a vacation. The work thing also stinks.  They told me not to make any major decisions right after a MC… maybe you can hang in there for a little bit and then (assuming you feel the same way) talk to Darling Husband about it more seriously?

 

 

I started out this morning feeling more positive than I had in awhile.  It was two weeks ago today that I had an ultrasound that diagnosed the MMC.  But I was feeling optimistic, looking forward to getting pregnant again and feeling more back to normal at work.  Then I read an email where a friend announced that she’s pregnant, and about a week ahead of where I was (she’s 13 weeks; I would have been 12 now).  I feel totally derailed.  Why does she get to get to this point and I didn’t?

This weekend felt full of babies, too, between talking to a friend with a newborn and learning about another pregnancy.  But I really felt fine about it and felt like I was succeeding in being genuinely excited for other people’s babies while still being sad for mine.  I don’t know why today’s announcement is hitting me so hard, maybe because the timing is so close.  I have to see her tonight at a social event and I feel like there’s going to be so much talk about pregnancy.  UGH.

Post # 247
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sorry I’ve been so MIA, the holiday’s were just so hard this year without having my dad around and the miscarriage.  I would have been 13 weeks exactly December 26 so we were so looking forward to telling our family over the holidays.

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SaltedCaramel:  Since this MMC was my second loss in a row the OB actually told me that next pregnancy they will be monitoring me much earlier, starting with regular early ultrasounds at 6 weeks and beta draws.  I know I will be super paranoid when I get pregnant again, I was so much more optomistic after my first MC, now I’m just a nervous wreck.  I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time today but it’s completely understandable, I would be too if one of my friends announced they were pregnant when I would have been.

I was actually avoiding one of our closest friends the last month because I was worried she was pregnant and I wasn’t sure I could handle it.  We actually had her and her husband over on New Years Eve and she ended up telling me that she has fertility issues and that she’s been referred to a specialist.  I felt horrible because I had no idea that they were struggling to get pregnant. 

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4littlekitties:  I’m sorry to hear about your work issues.  Is there anyway you can cut back a little on your work hours and start volunteering to see if that’s the right career path for you.  It’s also a great way to make connections and find out about job leads, as well as network in the field you want.   I’m a Certified Career Development Practitioner (Job Coach) so I’d be happy to help you any way I can with your career choices. 

It’s been 22 days since I took the misoprostol/cytotec for my MMC and I am so frustrated because there is zero sign that I’m even getting close to ovulating.  I was hoping that AF would show up by middle of January but that’s not even possible at this point.  I’m just so frustrated, it’s bad enough having the MMC but now it feels like I have to wait forever for AF.  I went in for blood work a week ago and my HCG still shows that I’m pregnant.  I took a HPT and was so hoping it would be negative but I still got a faint BFP.  I felt horrible for being upset about the BFP, but I just want this over with and to start TTC again.

Post # 248
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1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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GonnaBeAFind:  That’s great that your OB’s office is being so proactive about your next pregnancy.  Hopefully that will make it a little bit less stressful.  And, so frustrating about not ovulating.  What did your OB’s office say about the elevated hcg last week?  At some point would they induce ovulation with drugs or something? 

I started charting again at the end of last week… today’s temp was a little up (to what would normally mean ovulation), so we’ll see if that is indicative of ovulation.  FF put in all of my old patterns for this cycle, but who knows if it will go back to that pattern.  I feel the same way as you do about just wanting this to be over and wanting to get started TTC.  Sometimes I feel like I’m in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from, but I don’t see that feeling really going away until I’m pregnant again and through the first tri.

That is too bad about your friend. Obviously just reminds us all that you just never know what people are going through.  This friend of mine who just announced mentioned awhile ago that they were trying/NTNP, so I was wondering if she was either pregnant or if they were having issues.

Post # 249
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1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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GonnaBeAFind:  I know how frustrating that is. It takes forever to start again. Last year, I did cytotec on New Year’s Eve and didn’t get my first AF until late February. This time I had a D&C at the end of November and get AF 2 weeks ago. Totally understand how you want your body back to normal. It’s so hard to move on mentally when you’re still seeing positive pregnancy tests. Hang in there. If it’s any help, I took a FRER on the same day as a blood draw and got a faint positive when my hcg was 6! Those frers are super sensitive. I ended up ovulating the next day with AF coming 2 weeks later.

Post # 250
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492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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GrannyPantiesRock:  Thanks so much for the info!  After my first MC it took me 3 weeks to ovulate so I was hoping this time would be the same but it appears not.  I’m glad things went quicker for you this time around and it wasn’t such a long wait. 

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SaltedCaramel:  I have to do weekly blood draws until my HCG drops to less than 5, which is considered negative.  In between I’ve been testing on my own hoping that I’ll get a clear negative. 

Post # 251
Member
1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

So I’m new to this group. Had a very rough New Years. Went in for a 12 week NT scan only to find out that I had an MMC. They had me medically induce labor only for me to end up in the ER due to blood loss. I had to put on the second coat of paint in the nursery last night, and that was really rough too. I’d put the first coat on the night before the ultrasound.

Roll call:

Status (MC cycle/rest cycle/TTC cycle): MC Cycle. Waiting for AF

MC History: MMC this weekend. I was supposed to be 12 weeks, but the baby never made it that far.

Issues (if any): None that I know of. Doctor won’t do tests unless I have two MCs in a row. Hopeing this was just a bad sperm/egg combo and not something more serious

Action Plan for next TTC cycle (ie Baby Aspirin, progesterone, etc): Nothing different. Got pregnant on the second cycle TTC last time. Just going to keep taking prenatals and hope for the best.

Link to chart: Not currently charting

What are your biggest challenges right now? Knowing when to try again. I’d like to try soon. Anxiety about it happening again is going to be a big issue for me.

Current coping strategies/favorite inspirational quotes: Nothing really. Just trying to stay positive. My husband has been really great with it and has been a huge help.

 

Post # 252
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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GrannyPantiesRock:  I didn’t do any extra tracking this time until I started spotting lo, and I’m glad I didn’t (though it will be hard next time). Knowing ahead of time would have meant at least one less week of semi-enjoying beong pregnant and would have made the last week hell. Iwas cramping beforehand and had lower back pain, but guessing that something may be off and waiting for the inevitable are two different experiences.

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SaltedCaramel:  thanks, but I was specifically looking for people to co-sign my rash decisions 😉 I’m sorry you’re living in babyville. I sing with the band at my church, and one of the othersingers is due in march. She’s always rubbing her belly – which is what she should be doing – and I’m tempted to take a break for a few weeks without telling people why.

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GonnaBeAFind:  thanks – I will PM you. No matter what happens, I will need to find a new job. I work remotely, so it’s me, WebEx, occasional phone calls and my thoughts. Not the best, for a brooder, and I need to interact with people. I think I’d be more fulfilled as a barista.i agree with GPR – HCG can drop pretty quickly once you’re to faint positives. My chemicals proved that.

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MechEBee:  what a horrible start to the year! Be gentle with yourselfn and let yourself rest & recover physically and emotionally.  Are you also taking folic acid? It seems like a supplement is pretty standard. If not, I doubt it had anything to do with your mc, but it world be worth asking your doctor about. 

Post # 253
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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MechEBee:  I am so sorry for you loss, there are quite a few of us on here that have had MMC and understand what you’re going threw.  Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Post # 254
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1156 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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4littlekitties:  Yes, I’ve been taking folic acid for a while. I started about 4 or 5 months before we were even TTC. The doctor seems pretty confident that it was just a fluke and that we should try again when we’re ready. He says 90% of the time it’s just a chromosomal abnormality and there is nothing that could have been done to prevent it. I’m hopeing he is right and that I’m not in the other 10% for some reason.

Mine was a MMC but also may have been a blighted ovum. They couldn’t even find a fetal pole when I got my ultrasound. Since I was low risk and young and healthy (and have a tilted uterus making it hard to see the baby via ultrasound early on) he decided that I didn’t need an ultrasound untill 12 weeks.

I think one of the reasons this has been so difficult for me is that I believed I was having a baby for almost 12 weeks. Had they just done a dating ultrasound, they probably could have told me the pregnancy wasn’t viable and I could have started the healing process then. It’s very emotionally hard for me to know that my baby never really was developing. Probably never had a heart beat. For 12 weeks.

Next time around I’ll be more insistant on a dating ultrasound to know the baby is ok.

Post # 255
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

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SaltedCaramel:  I am definetely going to have extra monitoring with my next pregnancy! The extent of it, I am still not sure. I will get early betas every 24-48 hours and if my hcg is increasing then maybe I will get a dating US. I am not so sure if I should get the US. This might be a stupid question: but do you think there is a chance an US can heat up the embryo and colaborate with a miscarriage? I know it is unlikely that those sound waves cause damage but I am just soooo paranoid! 

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MechEBee:  I am so sorry for your loss! I know exactly how you feel! I had a MMC at 10 weeks but the baby stopping growing at 6 weeks. I opted for a D&C at 11 weeks. I just needed that extra week to acknowledge my loss and also cause I was hoping for a miracle. I wish you a speedy recovery and we are here to help you through this nightmare. 

Post # 256
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’ve been taking a break from WB and I’m so sad to see all the new/old faces here.  It seems so unfair.  I have been feeling so much jealousy lately especially around the holidays.  My husbands cousin came over with her 4 kids and one on the way.  She asked when I was going to have another one.  I made the mistake and said when God decides because that is really what I feel now.  She said – You are taking care of yourself, right?  and then my Mother-In-Law says oh, they are not trying.  She doesn’t know about my year of hell.  It makes me angry that she would ask that because I have been taking care of myself. She on the other hand is overweight and has been for a long time.  Not that is a determining factor but it just makes me upset. Yesterday was my sons birthday and everyone(YES everyone) asked when I’m having the next one.  This time I just said I don’t know as if maybe never.  

Ok, now that is off my chest lets try to heal each other and make 2015 the best that we can.  I’m hoping we all get our rainbows.

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GrannyPantiesRock:  I was taking the standard does of Vit D when I got tested.  Now I’m taking 5K twice a day plus a crap load of other suppliments.  I hope it works for me.  I hope you are doing good. 

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